Cheated years ago

[treeboy5]

Hi everyone, I have been with my girlfriend since we were both freshmen in highschool. She was my first girlfriend and first everything. We are currently 25 years old and have been together ever since (about 10 years). I knew from a very young age that she is who I wanted to spend my entire life with, I began to think that I would have regrets when I was older only ever being romantic with one woman. Back when we were in highschool, I cheated on her a handful of times. A few times it was just a kiss, twice it was oral sex. I have always felt guilty about what I did but now it is hitting me like a rock. I don't know what made me think about it again but I guess now I am looking back on it thinking how stupid I was since I would never even consider doing anything like that now (even tho I knew it was wrong at the time). 

Our relationship has never been stronger. We are going to finally move in together soon and I am surely going to propose in the next couple of years. There is no doubt in my mind that she is my person. 

How do I cope with this guilt? I know I was not even close to the same person 8 years ago as I am now but it still tears me up sometimes because I imagine her finding out somehow and the situation overall just makes me sick as I would never do anything to hurt her now. I don't think I could tell her, it was so long ago and we have such a good thing going. I would do anything to go back in time and change my actions.

Any advice/thoughts are very much appreciated.

[Gebidozo]

OP, your only hope to be free of guilt some day is to tell her that you cheated.

Do you really want to live with that person many years, possibly the rest of your life, knowing that every day, every moment you continue to lie to her? 

I’m a former cheater and I implore you to trust me here: the guilt over cheating will never go away, unless you either confess or end the relationship.

Even in those cases, the guilt might never go away, or it will take a considerable time before it does.

But one thing is 100% certain: if you keep hiding your cheating from her, it will only get worse.

[LAspen]

If you have a sense of self-worth, if you still have feelings for your partner, whom you betrayed, then talk to her honestly and accept her decision, whatever it may be. 
The best solution would be to end the relationship, because she will never forget your infidelity and will not accept it.

[Georgia46]

On 5/7/2025 at 1:10 PM, LAspen said:

If you have a sense of self-worth, if you still have feelings for your partner, whom you betrayed, then talk to her honestly and accept her decision, whatever it may be. 
The best solution would be to end the relationship, because she will never forget your infidelity and will not accept it.

Aww come on that’s a bit harsh! He did this when he was in high school over ten years ago! I mean… who isn’t a bit crazy in high school? 
 

Just put it behind you OP.  You were a teenager. It’s in the past, you have a great relationship now so don’t spoil it.    Why tell her that now what would it achieve? 

[MsJayne]

Stupid things we do when we’re immature teenagers are not worth bringing up years later. If you did it a year ago I’d say ‘fess up, but seriously, it’s old crap and it’s no longer who you are. It’s a life lesson you learned, just take value from it and continue to be a better person. Unless you’re lying on a regular basis, for instance if it’s a big thing to your girl that you’ve both never been intimate with anyone else and you’re eaten up with guilt each time she mentions it, there’s no good reason to rock the happy boat.