Should l take the first step to ease the tension?

[Fleiss]

Hi. About 2 weeks ago l had an argument with a colleague, who l also share the office with - including 2 others. The thing is that she is very hard to work with because she's highly unreliable, thus sabotaging teamwork, while refusing to take responsibility for that. Sometimes she also lies about the workload she has covered. In this regard, l managed to prove her wrong this time.

So, given that lately she's also become rude and verbally aggressive, l decided to report her to the boss for being uncooperative that day. The boss then came into our office, where we had a heated debate. To make matters worse, the boss told me later that she cannot  initiate anything against her in writing, since no previous boss has been able to do so against other employees in the past. On top of that, my colleague also tried to set some of the staff against me by speaking ill of me behind my back, too. 

Now, we're not on speaking terms, which has led to increased tension in the office, and l feel adversely affected by that, though l pretend not to care.  On a separate note, we're both pretty stubborn by nature, but she was the one to go by this "no interaction" approach. 

Should l be the bigger person, and start speaking to her, or let time run its course for awhile? 

Thanks. 

[glows]

Leave her alone and discuss only work related matters that actually have an impact on the work. I’m sure there’s a lot that led up to this but at the moment it does seem like you’re the one always unhappy with her. It’s almost too laser focused and it will put people off, make people wonder why you seem obsessed with this coworker. Don’t act like the world revolves around her because it doesn’t. If she doesn’t want to interact with you that’s fine too.

No one is obligated to like you or speak well of you at work. People do gossip unfortunately, all the time, every day. For some it helps them cope with stress even if at the expense of others. 

If you feel the work culture is not for you it’s best to think about revising your resume and finding something else. It’s very hard or next to impossible to change a company’s culture and once people have a set view of you or impression it rarely changes. I used to cringe every time someone gave this type of advice because I had believed good would win out and people would open their eyes. Aha. Real life is very different and usually not the case. It’s possible you’re just not fitting in or don’t have the same approach as the others and that is absolutely fine - you just have to recognize your strengths and be your own champion and find a better fit. 

 

[Fleiss]

6 hours ago, glows said:

Leave her alone and discuss only work related matters that actually have an impact on the work. I’m sure there’s a lot that led up to this but at the moment it does seem like you’re the one always unhappy with her. It’s almost too laser focused and it will put people off, make people wonder why you seem obsessed with this coworker. Don’t act like the world revolves around her because it doesn’t. If she doesn’t want to interact with you that’s fine too.

No one is obligated to like you or speak well of you at work. People do gossip unfortunately, all the time, every day. For some it helps them cope with stress even if at the expense of others. 

If you feel the work culture is not for you it’s best to think about revising your resume and finding something else. It’s very hard or next to impossible to change a company’s culture and once people have a set view of you or impression it rarely changes. I used to cringe every time someone gave this type of advice because I had believed good would win out and people would open their eyes. Aha. Real life is very different and usually not the case. It’s possible you’re just not fitting in or don’t have the same approach as the others and that is absolutely fine - you just have to recognize your strengths and be your own champion and find a better fit. 

 

Thanks a lot for your highly helpful and considerate advice. 

[MsJayne]

There's usually at least one bludger in any workplace that has more than a couple of staff, unfortunately it's part of being in the workforce. I'm questioning this though.....

On 4/5/2025 at 1:11 AM, Fleiss said:

the boss told me later that she cannot  initiate anything against her in writing, since no previous boss has been able to do so against other employees in the past

No one needs a precedent before issuing a written warning to an employee, so this is just rubbish. If your co-worker has become rude and aggressive towards you because you spoke the truth about her poor work performance, and is bad-mouthing you to other colleagues, you need to be diarising all of this, and your boss has an obligation to monitor the situation because there may be an element of bullying going on. In fact, if your boss refuses to adequately address the issue, she may need a reminder about her own workplace responsibilities. As far as should you offer an olive branch - I say no. If your grievance about your colleague was valid, why should you apologise? She sounds like a liability to the team, and usually when these people leave everyone heaves a sigh of relief and admits that they secretly couldn't stand them. 

[Fleiss]

5 hours ago, MsJayne said:

There's usually at least one bludger in any workplace that has more than a couple of staff, unfortunately it's part of being in the workforce. I'm questioning this though.....

No one needs a precedent before issuing a written warning to an employee, so this is just rubbish. If your co-worker has become rude and aggressive towards you because you spoke the truth about her poor work performance, and is bad-mouthing you to other colleagues, you need to be diarising all of this, and your boss has an obligation to monitor the situation because there may be an element of bullying going on. In fact, if your boss refuses to adequately address the issue, she may need a reminder about her own workplace responsibilities. As far as should you offer an olive branch - I say no. If your grievance about your colleague was valid, why should you apologise? She sounds like a liability to the team, and usually when these people leave everyone heaves a sigh of relief and admits that they secretly couldn't stand them. 

Many thanks for the thoughtful input. In my post, l didn't mean me apolozing to her because my grievance is indeed valid, but l referred to the possibility of saying/exchanging a "hi" again.

Regarding my boss, l have already told her that she has to be firm enough, otherwise l will let her know that l may need to meet with the dean of faculty. The problem at my workplace is that managers are weak and fear that a certain subordinate might have connections in higher echelons, which may force the boss to resign. I'd say this is rather paranoid [on boss's side] in most cases. 

[MsJayne]

On 4/7/2025 at 3:16 PM, Fleiss said:

a certain subordinate might have connections in higher echelons, which may force the boss to resign. I'd say this is rather paranoid [on boss's side] in most cases. 

That would be an odd scenario. If your boss genuinely believes that the subordinate has that kind of sway that would be something that needs some scrutiny, and maybe your boss isn't the person for a management position if she's afraid of lower level staff. As far as the inefficient colleague goes, a person like you is her worst nightmare because the Office Bludger always fears exposure and will often seek to get rid of any person who's on to them, usually starting with an office smear campaign. Start keeping that diary just in case you need it at some stage. Good luck with it!