Author dietcoke Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 You never went anywhere with OM? So you slept with OM in your and hubbys bed while hubby was out bustin his butt for you and him? Apparently you were riding OM, (woman on top) having orgasms, and never even thought of hubby at the time working his heart out. Not tring to sound gross, ok.. I'm just tring to give a hint here, please tell hubby all in presents of clergy members "privitely" and let him make a chioce rather than forcing him to live a BIG LIE. OM has NEVER been to my place he doesn't even know where I live, I've been to his that's it. Hell yeah I thought about it during sex. In fact I can only remember bits and pieces of sex because my mine was so clouded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dietcoke Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 Be careful that your OM ,dosent start blackmailing you in to have sex with him That has been nown to happen..Just another reason to tell OM has too much to lose financially by telling. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup? Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 OM has NEVER been to my place he doesn't even know where I live, I've been to his that's it. Hell yeah I thought about it during sex. In fact I can only remember bits and pieces of sex because my mine was so clouded. I wasn't tring to be mean, although it may seem so.., my point is that you made a decision about you marriage all by yourself, shouldn't your husband have the same right to make a decision all his own, whether or not to stay in the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Sup? Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Lastly, what would be your reaction if it were him who did this? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I wasn't tring to be mean, although it may seem so.., my point is that you made a decision about you marriage all by yourself, shouldn't your husband have the same right to make a decision all his own, whether or not to stay in the marriage? I don't get why alot of posters (mostly men) keep hammering on the idea that she needs to tell the H? She already posted that her H told her that if she did give into temptation that he would prefer not to know and to be spared the pain. What part of that don't y'all understand? or do you just not believe her? Or do you think she should go against his own stated wishes and ignore his feelings on the matter? isn't that kind of cruel? my husband told me the same thing, so it is certainly possible that there are some men who would rather not know. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup? Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I don't get why alot of posters (mostly men) keep hammering on the idea that she needs to tell the H? She already posted that her H told her that if she did give into temptation that he would prefer not to know and to be spared the pain. What part of that don't y'all understand? or do you just not believe her? Or do you think she should go against his own stated wishes and ignore his feelings on the matter? isn't that kind of cruel? my husband told me the same thing, so it is certainly possible that there are some men who would rather not know. Maybe so, I forgot about that part, sorry about any hammering:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 OM has NEVER been to my place he doesn't even know where I live, I've been to his that's it. Hell yeah I thought about it during sex. In fact I can only remember bits and pieces of sex because my mine was so clouded. so it wasn't a question of steak being dangled in front of you but you going to the restaurant for a sit-down meal? sorry, couldn't resist Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 dietcoke, are you here for advice? or to get slapped a bit to assuage your guilt? or did you just want to unload? i'm not sure why you are posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 You still havent answered my Q! Marcus, take it easy. Dietcoke doesn't have to answer any questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus as the Peanut Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Of course she dosent have to answer , but im just traying to help her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Dietcoke, Thanks for answering my questions. I appreciate your feedback. I was working out, my sex drive increased and my husband was experiencing sexual dsyfunction. I took it has he didn't desire me and OM made me feel sooo desirable(I now know that's all apart of the plan). My wife's and my sexual needs are quite mismatched. She is OK with once a month, I would like it daily (but I learned not to attempt it daily). Initially I thought that she didn't want me or didn't care. I'm often in a bad mood just because sex is missing, while she is happy without sex for weeks. I had (unless I failed in my assessment) a couple of opportunities to stray, but I'm glad that I wasn't even tempted. For me extramarital sex is as bad as drugs. I hope that my wife will act as I do now when her libido surpasses mine. OM was a vulture and I was the prey. I can't sympathize with you. I don't think you were a prey. It was your choice to visit the OM. Just always be there for your wife, never take her for granted and assume that good morals will never be challenged. Thanks for the advice. My wife just nodded that I follow your advice, because I asked her about it. So far so good. Oh, and BTW I don't drink coffee either! I realize that you didn't mention coffee before and nonetheless I put this into a list of yours and my wife's traits. But it turns out I was right! I will never go anywhere alone with another man I will always have a third party present, and emotionally I won't open my heart to anyone else. For 13 years I stopped any advances men made before they even started, the one time I let my guard down I got screwed - literally. My wife and I are free to do anything as long as we don't have bad intentions. She goes out with other guys, and she chats with them over the net. I go dancing and meet friends, some of them foxy women. I haven't flirted or cheated. She says she hasn't done anything wrong either. So I believe you can still meet others as long as you are not tempted. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I did tell him last summer that I was sexually tempted by this guy (hubby met him once) and my hubby was soooo hurt. Since it's only happened twice and I don't want other man what should I do? I've been faith to my hubby for 13 + years not even a kiss. I'm going to catch hell for this post, but what the hell... Okay, so I was heartbroken when I read the above. I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you or anything, but I'm just wondering what this says about marriage in general. I've said before on other threads that this kind of phenomenon is quite commonplace. It's the dirty little truth that we all want to hide because even admitting that people sometimes just want sex with someone else makes us feel dirty. But the reality is, humans were born to have sex with more than one person. That doesn't mean I can condone for a moment your affair - it is wrong on a number of levels. Yet, I think affairs are, despite the public face of morality on the one hand, quite natural on the other. Lots of people who love their spouses end up cheating on them. Why? Because they feel like it. Because they're sexually curious. Because they're bored. That's not what we want to hear, and that immediately is met with an overwhelming response of uber-piety...but unfortunately, it doesn't really bring us much closer to discovering the nature of our current institution of marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Marcus as the Peanut Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I didn't EVER want to have an affair that is why I told my husband what I was struggling with. I was hoping my honesty about the situation would keep me from falling. I struggled with the emotional affair for 16 months before caving in physcially. so how come you kept seeing him then???? Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I agree with you, honestly. My hubby knows I was VERY tempted by this other man. I told him before it happended because I was struggling in an area I had never been tempted in and I didn't want to fail. I felt if I disclosed everything then I would be less likely to fall into a full-fledged physcial affair. I screwed up the first time I let my heart and mind image anything other than a friendly hello-goodbye situation. I want to be honest, but my hubby told me if If I ever failed that way (meaning physcial) that if I intended not to do it again he would not want to know because the of the pain the emotional affair caused him. Again, I own this situation COMPLETELY, it was NOT A MISTAKE IT WAS A HORRIBLY POOR DECISION, I have not responded to OM's request for more sex, I simply can not do it. I am a Christian I failed, I realize my mistake and I don't want to keep living in BLATANT sin. It's just wrong. I am glad you have been "harsh" with me because I need to hear the truth about this situation. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!? Tell your husband about the affair and seek marriage counseling with him. He will find out sooner or later. If he finds out from someone other than you, then its 100% over. If he finds out from you then that's something you two can build your marriage back upon. Trust me on this. Even as a christian you have the responsibility to tell him. This OM is NOT A FRIEND to you or your husband and by you not telling him is just adding more insult to injury. Knowing your husband is hanging out with a guy who had did this is awful. I should know first hand. My ex-fiancee was having an emotional affair with my now ex best-friend. You need to do this for him (your husband). This will put a permanant stop to this OM's advances as well. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Tell your husband about the affair and seek marriage counseling with him. He will find out sooner or later. If he finds out from someone other than you, then its 100% over. If he finds out from you then that's something you two can build your marriage back upon. Trust me on this. Even as a christian you have the responsibility to tell him. This OM is NOT A FRIEND to you or your husband and by you not telling him is just adding more insult to injury. Knowing your husband is hanging out with a guy who had did this is awful. I should know first hand. My ex-fiancee was having an emotional affair with my now ex best-friend. You need to do this for him (your husband). This will put a permanant stop to this OM's advances as well. the husband told her he didn't want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I want to tell my husband but he has asked me NOT to tell him if that ever happended because of the pain. Has he said that directly or have you inferred that? Has he told you this once or many times? I'm asking this because he might have felt this way once when you spoke with him. In fact he may want to opposite. Are you positive he definitely wants you to hide the affair? Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 i think some of the male posters may be projecting their own views about wanting to know onto the husband. If she asks him insistently and again, she is letting the cat out of the bag. Telling him will most likely destroy his trust and will hurt him deeply. Since she has 'repented' and is not going to do this again, I really don't see the point in creating all that pain for him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 He knows that everything will change once the truth comes out...In his own mind maybe he's comfy with how things are and does NOT want to deal with fallout of possibly life changing as he knows it if she tells him about the affair. That is HIS OWN decision. I mean, I still think she has to tell him because if he does find out from someone else, or even the OM, he will be crushed even more. OR...Could this be like no actually means yes...(The old "are you mad at me", "no" and secretly the no means yes...) Who knows what for sure is going through his head...But it is obvious from what the OP says about her husband, he doesn't feel the need to know. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 yeah i am just going on my own experience. my husband told me that if i ever had an affair that i was NOT to tell him. he said it in such a way that i knew he couldn't handle it emotionally. it was almost a plea to be kind. so really, i don't see why she has to tell him and crush him. even finding out from someone else would be better, but i really don't see it ever coming out into the open since it was quite discrete. Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 (...) i really don't see it ever coming out into the open since it was quite discrete. There are many ways in which the affir can get out. I list a few. There might be some colleagues/friends who saw Dietcoke at the OM's place. Dietcoke didn't see them, but they might have seen her. People are nosy, for some watching others is a hobby. The life situation of the OM changes in a few years, he recalls how great the sex was, so he wants it again. He blackmails or makes some conspicuous moves. The husband and the OM meet one day. They have met once, so they can meet again. The husband mentions that he's happy: great wife/recent promotion/a new baby/a new house. The OM gets jealous and says "You know, your life ain't that great as you think..." People are mean. Link to post Share on other sites
cygny Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 There are many ways in which the affir can get out. I list a few. There might be some colleagues/friends who saw Dietcoke at the OM's place. Dietcoke didn't see them, but they might have seen her. People are nosy, for some watching others is a hobby. The life situation of the OM changes in a few years, he recalls how great the sex was, so he wants it again. He blackmails or makes some conspicuous moves. The husband and the OM meet one day. They have met once, so they can meet again. The husband mentions that he's happy: great wife/recent promotion/a new baby/a new house. The OM gets jealous and says "You know, your life ain't that great as you think..." People are mean. sure maybe, but not very likely. i think she should respect her husband's stated wishes. to insist otherwise is to say you know better than him what is good for him. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I would not tell him. I know that's dishonest and risky, but telling him has its own risks. He's going to be crushed either way. Telling him is not really going to make it much easier on him, especially when you consider how hurt he was after she made that remark. If it were me, I don't think telling me would make things much easier on her. Sure, there's a part of me that would at the very least appreciate knowing that I'm being two-timed, but I'd still feel angry about being cheated on in the first place. It would destroy the feelings I have for her, and it might even make me want to get even with her by having my own affair. Keep it to yourself and don't do it again. Just buy a good vibrator if you're not getting the satisfaction you desire. Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 sure maybe, but not very likely. Now you say "maybe," but before you said "I really don't see it ever coming out into the open since it was quite discrete." So "not ever" or "maybe," baby? i think she should respect her husband's stated wishes. That's sweet of you. It's easy to respect that wish. BTW, when I tell you "I'm so unhappy that I don't wanna live anylonger," will you kill me? to insist otherwise is to say you know better than him what is good for him. Cygny, please, point out where I insisted, because I can't see it! It's Dietcoke's decision, and I woudn't insist. I enjoy talking with her, and I want to learn from her mistake. I hope that my posts will help her cope and figure out what to do next. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup? Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 There are many ways in which the affir can get out. I list a few. There might be some colleagues/friends who saw Dietcoke at the OM's place. Dietcoke didn't see them, but they might have seen her. People are nosy, for some watching others is a hobby. The life situation of the OM changes in a few years, he recalls how great the sex was, so he wants it again. He blackmails or makes some conspicuous moves. The husband and the OM meet one day. They have met once, so they can meet again. The husband mentions that he's happy: great wife/recent promotion/a new baby/a new house. The OM gets jealous and says "You know, your life ain't that great as you think..." People are mean. You know, speaking of babies, she probably shouldn't have any right now with hubby, because of this. At least not till he knows. Things are ALWAYS WORSE with children in the middle, they suffer MOST! By thae way, I was wondering, if he had a dysfuntion of some sort, he could have gotten prayer, or in the very least there are pills now, Viagra, Enzite or something, anythings better than this! Link to post Share on other sites
Sup? Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 oh another thought from what I read from someone else, Its like a saying I heard: It's bad when the Devil comes to you, but its even worse when you go to the Devil Link to post Share on other sites
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