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Didn't kiss her at the end of the 3rd date. Should I say anything?


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This is the same woman I posted about before who lives 4.5 hours from me. She was in town and we went to dinner for the 3rd time. At the end of the 1st date I went to kiss her and got the cheek, 2nd date we had people all around us and I felt a bit uncomfortable. This one things went much more smoothly beforehand. We were sitting at the couch waiting for the table and our knees were touching, I was able to do some touches on her hand, shoulder, etc and she seemed interested and moved in more.

Our conversation seemed to flow well, but by the end I was so tired. I had gotten up before 6am and it was past 11:30 and it took them forever to bring the check. As we were saying goodbye her body language seemed good and I was about to go for it, but saw the 2 valets looking at us and for some reason I kissed her cheek and could feel her moving more towards my lips. I don't quite know why I did it, but felt like an idiot the drive home and ever since.

Now I'm trying to figure out how to move things forward. Should I say anything about what happened at the end or how people usually progress with a distance like that?

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ShyViolet

Why do people keep dating people who live so far away.... how would a relationship with this woman be feasible if you are 4.5 hours away?  I just don't understand why people set themselves up for these long distance relationships.

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Unless you are keen to move away from where you live, what's the point in dating someone so far away?   

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Honestly if people have gone on three dates and all they have done is kissed a cheek than the physical chemistry probably isn't that good between them.

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28 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Honestly if people have gone on three dates and all they have done is kissed a cheek than the physical chemistry probably isn't that good between them.

I’d say that too, but people are really very different. I once dated a conservative Christian woman. We went out on at least 10 dates, talked all the time, she said she was in love in me, and all she let me do was hold her hand for a short time and hug her.

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35 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I’d say that too, but people are really very different. I once dated a conservative Christian woman. We went out on at least 10 dates, talked all the time, she said she was in love in me, and all she let me do was hold her hand for a short time and hug her.

In those situations it likely has more to do with them not having a high sex drive than much to do with their religious views. 

For me if someone went that long without wanting to fool around I would begin questioning if they were in the closet.

 

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How old are you? This shouldn't even be a big deal. You need to escalate DURING the date (light touching, sitting very close) so this isn't some big awkward thing at the end of your dates.

A line I like to use in the middle of dates if things are flowing super well is mentioning something about how she has nice lips and following that up with "How would you feel about one small kiss?". If she's smiling and shakes her head yes, you said "Ok!" and go right in.

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Kiss her on the 4th date, that's all. 

You're the one wanting to date a woman living 4.5 hours away so, wait. Wait another month till the next date. 

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1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

Honestly if people have gone on three dates and all they have done is kissed a cheek than the physical chemistry probably isn't that good between them.

First date I thought things went well, but got the cheek. 2nd she had just gotten over a cold and I was coming down with 1 so I didn't want to do anything. This one I thought the chemistry was good and was happy how things went during the date.

 

19 minutes ago, Mac0908 said:

How old are you? This shouldn't even be a big deal. You need to escalate DURING the date (light touching, sitting very close) so this isn't some big awkward thing at the end of your dates.

A line I like to use in the middle of dates if things are flowing super well is mentioning something about how she has nice lips and following that up with "How would you feel about one small kiss?". If she's smiling and shakes her head yes, you said "Ok!" and go right in.

During this date I was able to escalate a bit more since we got to sit next to each other on the couch beforehand with our knees touching and I touched her hand, arm, shoulder etc 

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Kiss her on the 4th date, that's all. 

You're the one wanting to date a woman living 4.5 hours away so, wait. Wait another month till the next date. 

Do most people not have any issue with kissing in front of others? When I tried to kiss on the 1st date we were alone, on this one I thought we were alone and then saw the 2 valets below us staring and I just kind of chickened out. 

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@max3732yes some people really enjoy pda. It's not like you are going to strip each other in front of everyone. Lots of people enjoy light kissing in public though.

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5 hours ago, max3732 said:

Do most people not have any issue with kissing in front of others? When I tried to kiss on the 1st date we were alone, on this one I thought we were alone and then saw the 2 valets below us staring and I just kind of chickened out. 

In a public place like this you give a gentle kiss on the lips. It's not a time & place for anything more. 

I would not have cared about the 2 valets. That's 2 strangers l will never see again.

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21 hours ago, Gaeta said:

In a public place like this you give a gentle kiss on the lips. It's not a time & place for anything more. 

I would not have cared about the 2 valets. That's 2 strangers l will never see again.

Next time I'll just for it and will keep in touch with her in the meantime. She sent me a text saying she enjoyed our date

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Three dates in and no kiss yet?  That neither of you has initiated suggests that this is going nowhere

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1 hour ago, max3732 said:

Next time I'll just for it and will keep in touch with her in the meantime. She sent me a text saying she enjoyed our date

I'm glad she enjoyed your date.

When is next time?

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22 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I'm glad she enjoyed your date.

When is next time?

That's what I'm trying to figure out. If she's going to be in my area that would be ideal. If not I'll plan for us to meet halfway. I'd like to do something other than a meal where we have a bit more privacy and where it's easier to touch her a bit like I did on the couch or as we were walking there. Maybe a garden or some kind of activity 

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1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Three dates in and no kiss yet?  That neither of you has initiated suggests that this is going nowhere

I explained the situation on the 1st 2 already and I chickened out at the last minute on the 3rd when I saw the valets looking at us but kind of felt her get closer to the bottom of my lip

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1 hour ago, max3732 said:

I explained the situation on the 1st 2 already and I chickened out at the last minute on the 3rd when I saw the valets looking at us but kind of felt her get closer to the bottom of my lip

My comments still stand.   

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2 hours ago, max3732 said:

That's what I'm trying to figure out. If she's going to be in my area that would be ideal. If not I'll plan for us to meet halfway.

Why don’t you go to her area and meet her there?

 

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

I'd like to do something other than a meal where we have a bit more privacy and where it's easier to touch her a bit like I did on the couch or as we were walking there. Maybe a garden or some kind of activity 

Good idea, but try not to plan this too much. You seem very concerned about landing that kiss on the 4th date. If she picks up that nervous vibe from you, it might render the atmosphere unsuitable for romantic kissing.

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5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

You seem very concerned about landing that kiss on the 4th date.

Probably from people like me saying that if there's no kiss already, then it's not going anywhere 😬   

What I'm wondering is if Max can actually feel the chemistry of whether she even wants to kiss, and if he can feel it, why he didn't make it happen.  Or why she didn't make it happen.  

@max3732, do you know that women can and do initiate kisses?  It's easy for us because knockbacks are rare😁

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47 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What I'm wondering is if Max can actually feel the chemistry of whether she even wants to kiss

I’m wondering that too. I’m generally a bit perplexed by all those forum posts asking when to kiss, where to kiss, how to kiss, etc. There is really only one answer to this: kiss when the woman is clearly showing you that she wants to kiss. I think it’s not that hard to detect.

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37 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I’m wondering that too. I’m generally a bit perplexed by all those forum posts asking when to kiss, where to kiss, how to kiss, etc. There is really only one answer to this: kiss when the woman is clearly showing you that she wants to kiss. I think it’s not that hard to detect.

I'm NOT making any diagnosis here.   But I just want to throw out the idea that those who are neuro-diverse can find it very hard to detect that kind of attraction.  And they may also be prone to over thinking. 

Of course, I don't know what's going on with Max, because he's clearly getting options which is way better than many.   And YAY for him!   But being a virgin at 40 also suggests that among other things, he isn't picking up the vibes.  And if I'm correct, then all the advice I give is absolutely useless. 

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On 1/23/2025 at 2:41 AM, basil67 said:

Probably from people like me saying that if there's no kiss already, then it's not going anywhere 😬   

What I'm wondering is if Max can actually feel the chemistry of whether she even wants to kiss, and if he can feel it, why he didn't make it happen.  Or why she didn't make it happen.  

@max3732, do you know that women can and do initiate kisses?  It's easy for us because knockbacks are rare😁

I could feel the chemistry in that last date and was going to go for it and then the valets staring at us startled me and I chickened out. 

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Well, I'm usually wanting to have sex by the 4th date. We move at different paces - so take this with a grain of salt. 

Don't mention it. Ask her or again quickly and go to her. Not halfway. Go take her in her city. Make the effort and, for Pete's sake, kiss the girl. Do it early in the date too. Stop being a chicken.

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