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Is it normal to feel bad when I see that other men look at her


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thefrozenheartofthesun

Our relationship is kinda complicated, We don't call ourself boyfriend and girlfriend but we don't actually have much of a difference with them, I mean we don't sleep with eachother but we definitely are way more than "just a friend". She kinda gets jealous when I jokingly name other girls in front of her, and I mean girls that don't actually exist. I don't know if She is jokingly getting jealous as well, but I don't think so.

On the other hand I feel some sort of bad feeling as well when She is talking about how other men looked at her when she went out. She is beautiful and I know that women like being looked at unless it becomes creepy, as It gives them some sort of proof that they're beautiful, and I'm not blaming her for dressing good, Everybody wants to look good and the thing that others look or not doesn't matter, dressing good just gives some sort of self esteem. But I can't stop feeling that thing, the fact that we are not even in relationship makes it weirder, like we don't have commitment towards eachother, She can find a boyfriend right now and I can't say a thing. So why do I feel that thing and how to stop it, I'm pretty sure that It's some sort of natural thing, like men just don't like other dudes to look at her wife or girlfriend, but I shouldn't feel that, She is not my wife or girlfriend, and probably will never be (this one was the truth that I can't accept).

Btw, Just to be clear, we aren't in relationship or anything with other guys or girls.

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thefrozenheartofthesun

I'm gonna be honest, I do feel good whenever she feels jealous, I think everybody will, it makes me feel important for her. Is it possible that she tells me this so I get jealous too? It doesn't look like this at all but what can I say, women are complicated. She never focuses on the fact that others looked at her when she went out with her friends, but just points it once, when I ask how was your day. I never act like it bothers me,  I just try to keep my smile and act calm like nothing happened. Plus, She already knows that she is so important for me.

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You obviously have feelings for the woman or you wouldn’t feel bad when other men show her attention. Why are you not dating?

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1 hour ago, thefrozenheartofthesun said:

I'm gonna be honest, I do feel good whenever she feels jealous, I think everybody will

Jealousy has no place in a mature and healthy relationship. These are the kind of games that young people play, or those who are insecure and needing to test/get validation from their partner to feel secure in the relationship or good about themselves. 
 

1 hour ago, thefrozenheartofthesun said:

I'm gonna be honest, I do feel good whenever she feels jealous, I think everybody will, it makes me feel important for her.

That’s because you have feelings for her and you like the validation. While it does feel good when your romantic partner or friend is proud of you, I would suggest that you work on your self esteem - that comes from you, not what she thinks of you. 

Edited by BaileyB
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First things first, if you like this woman, ask her out on a date. “More than just friends” or “almost like a boyfriend and a girlfriend” means nothing. Either you are in a relationship, or you are not. You are currently not. Make sure she reciprocates your feelings and start a relationship with her.

About the jealousy thing. Yes, it’s natural to feel a certain something when other men are eyeing the girl you like. But jealousy is not the right development of this initial impulse that you feel. Instead of jealousy, try to channel it into a healthy competitive spirit. Be the most attractive, the most confident, the most caring, the most charming, the best man for her. Don’t fear the competition, beat it.

 

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ExpatInItaly
3 hours ago, thefrozenheartofthesun said:

So why do I feel that thing

Because you want her to be your girlfriend. 

3 hours ago, thefrozenheartofthesun said:

She is not my wife or girlfriend, and probably will never be (this one was the truth that I can't accept).

And why is this? Has she told you she doesn't want a  relationship with you? 

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thefrozenheartofthesun
2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You obviously have feelings for the woman or you wouldn’t feel bad when other men show her attention. Why are you not dating?

We're still too young for dating. This and many other reasons.

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thefrozenheartofthesun
2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Jealousy has no place in a mature and healthy relationship. These are the kind of games that young people play, or those who are insecure and needing to test/get validation from their partner to feel secure in the relationship or good about themselves. 

Yeah, We are young, so I guess that's normal.

 

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

That’s because you have feelings for her and you like the validation. While it does feel good when your romantic partner or friend is proud of you, I would suggest that you work on your self esteem - that comes from you, not what she thinks of you. 

I agree with you on that part, my self esteem is below zero.

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It's perfectly normal to have those feelings...just gonna have to live with it. 

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thefrozenheartofthesun
49 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And why is this? Has she told you she doesn't want a  relationship with you? 

It's a long story so I'm gonna keep it super short.

Basically I told her, she said no and we gotta stop talking, messaged me the next day telling me I couldn't leave my friend just like that, so we went back to normal or even closer than before, she told me that she feels something she doesn't want to (as she doesn't want to be in relationship), but our relationship or whatever it is called started to heavily affect the challenge that we are both going through, to a point that we couldn't study for our exams no more, so we decided to give it a break and focus on the big challenge that we both gotta succeed in, which finishes around 5-6 month later, and after this 5-6 month we will decide our next move, wether keeping it just a friendship or going through a relationship. I don't know maybe it's because of my lack of self esteem, but to me the second option looks like a good dream.

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Your feelings are normal and have not much to do with lack of self-esteem. Men are conquerors, they want to conquer a woman's heart and they feel competitive toward other men wanting that same woman's heart. 

Two solutions to your problem: 

1. You ask her, in the name of your friendship, to stop reporting to you when other men are looking at her. It achieves nothing and this is the type of bragging she needs to do with her girl-friends, not a man she hopes to date one day.

2. You completely cut contact for 6 months. 

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ExpatInItaly
4 hours ago, thefrozenheartofthesun said:

so we decided to give it a break and focus on the big challenge that we both gotta succeed in, which finishes around 5-6

What is this big challenge? 

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1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What is this big challenge? 

And what is 5-6?

 

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Lotsgoingon

Wow, I gotta say: seeing other guys look at a woman I'm dating doesn't bother me at all. One, I'm not focusing on other people. I'm focusing on myself and my partner if we're out. Two, I have no idea what other people might be thinking or feeling.

If anything I take other people watching a woman I'm dating as a compliment--as affirmation that other people find the woman I'm with to be attractive--as I do. 

Dude, this fake dating "we aren't really dating" is insane and will drive you insane. 

BTW: a relationship early on should NOT be complicated. Complicated means chaotic, undefined. Which means you cannot reassure each other. You have all the anxiety of a relationship with none of the reassurance. And both ways your feelings are for nothing--because you're not officially dating. 

The difference between "we are definitely dating each other" and "we're complicated, more than friends, but not officially dating" is HUGE!!!!

 

Edited by Lotsgoingon
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27 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

seeing other guys look at a woman I'm dating doesn't bother me at all.

They aren't dating.   He's got a thing for his female friend

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1 hour ago, basil67 said:

They aren't dating.   He's got a thing for his female friend

And they're teenagers. They're discovering a whole new type of emotions for the first time.

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thefrozenheartofthesun
18 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What is this big challenge? 

Some national university entrance exam that basically determines our future jobs.

Edited by thefrozenheartofthesun
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thefrozenheartofthesun
17 hours ago, basil67 said:

And what is 5-6?

 

I meant it would be finished in 5 to 6 months.

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