Being Friends with an Ex and Someone I Met on a Dating App

[MsJayne]

4 hours ago, Esteban said:

E is keeping in touch with a lot of her exes, not just me, while still dating others. She went to meet one of her exes new girlfriend to make her feel at ease, and still meets him for coffee.

This is the thing though, no one should need to be "put at ease". It's understandable that you want to build a circle of friends in a foreign country, but maybe in this particular scenario you do need to think about how a new partner will perceive you maintaining ties with women you've expressed romantic interest in. 

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, Esteban said:

I think for women like M it's better to not have any female friendships except something like a sister-in-law or the mother of your children or someone you only meet in a group setting. In that respect, she's a bit on the conservative side

Eh, this isn't really about being conservative. I personally am nothing of the sort, and would still side-eye a guy who wanted to keep fairly recent flings in his life.  For me, that would signal an incompatibility in healthy boundaries and priorities, as well as a clear indicator that my and his judgment systems are totally different. 

I say all this as a woman with a couple very close male friends. We've been friends for more than a decade now. And yes, we do hang out one-on-one sometimes and we all have partners who've met several times (and all of us spend time together too). The difference is that I have never been romantically involved with these men and it's always been platonic. This is where you're not grasping the issue many would have with your choice to be so cozy with these specific women. Stick with it if you must, but again, don't be surprised if you wind up cutting off your nose to spite your face here. 

These new-found friendships with these women haven't yet stood the test of time. You've only known them a few months, so regardless of how much value you place on them, you don't really have any idea now if they are solid friendships. Keep in mind it might be you who gets hung out to dry when they meet new boyfriends. Would it have been worth it then? That's a risk you get to take if you want. 

 

[basil67]

@Esteban I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is to make new friends in a different country, but ex romantic interests aren't the ideal choice.  May I suggest trying something like 'MeetUp'?   It's a website (and probably app) designed to help people connect.   You could join a group specific to your interests, or perhaps a general social group, or perhaps there's a group for expats or newcomers to the area.   Please don't use it as a dating option, but instead to find friends who may become part of your social group.  Particularly male friends

[Esteban]

13 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Keep in mind it might be you who gets hung out to dry when they meet new boyfriends.

True, I think someone mentioned this before, but it's not like I haven't thought of this already. I'd say that's always been pretty obvious.

I checked Meetup - it does have some stuff for the capital city here in Chile, but not for my town by the look of it.