The dreaded 'Share My Location' discussion

[aroseee]

I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. When we met we both had the same expectations and hit it off instantly and I moved in with him after about 4 months. Throughout the relationship we have shared our location with each other because for one, emotional security because we do have trust issues due to past relationships, and second, for safety because he rides ATVs in the woods and I previously worked for a company where traveling across country was a usual. Almost a year ago I started working from home and ahortly after his vehicle broke down.
 

So at this point, I had already moved in with him for a little over 2 years. He went out of his way to make it clear I was wanted there and it was not like I was just “living with” him. This is my home and felt/feel extremely happy and secure with that. I owned my house in the town over and had played my hand in being a landlord and tenants and discovered that it is just not for me. So being that we were in a situation where we needed funds for a vehicle so we could both have an income coming in  and money was not flowing from my house anymore from tenants, I sold it and I bought a nice vehicle that would be reliable and put the rest in a savings fund. He used the car to get back and forth from work. I rarely use it, as I work from home. I pay the insurance on the car. 
 

SO, mind you, we had each other location through out this entire time period. There had been a couple questionable incidents where I noticed he was parked in this new car in the middle of the woods on a dirt road on his lunch break and later found out he was actually meeting up with men on Craigslist he had met (and to this day, he will deny it). I never left him over it but I was definitely hurt just because of the lack of honesty about that and him refusing to admit it. I am okay with this, like I genuinely wish he would not be secretive about it because I have brought chicks home and I feel like that would be super fun if he could feel comfortable doing that with me. 
 

So he lost his job not long after and he also lost his licenses because he was pulled over and refused to take a blood test. So that consisted of him going to jail, I got him out, and took the car myself to get a breathalyzer installed so he could get nonowners insurance to get his license back. I want him legal. We do not have time to be going to jail. 
 

He started working for someone keeping their property up and that supplied him enough money to at least pay for his nonowners insurance since I have picked up the bills myself to take some stress off of him because he has pulled my weight before in the beginning of the relationship. I want to do that for us and don’t mind…. I just expected 1.) him to at least keep his insurance policy active so he could keep his license and 2.) take the car to have the breathalyzer to be recalibrated monthly. He let his insurance policy lapse and for the last 8 months, he has let the car be shut down and not able to start 6 months because he just wouldn’t take it to be recalibrated. 
 

he does not have a license. 
about 3 months ago he removed his location sharing with me saying he did not want to be monitored. it is not even like that either. my first boyfriend was killed in an ATV accident, it is a huge peace of mind if I can see him moving on Life360 when he is out all night riding with his friends. I don’t keep tabs on him like that. I have a job, run a business, I require peace of mind and that is literally what it gives me. Oh and incase by some chance he gets into a wreck in the car I bought and I need to find him. Since he has lost his license and spends his money on stuff for his four wheeler instead of paying the fines. I get he is probably stressed. 
 

well he is very distant with me, is shady, changed his passcode to his phone and doesn’t even sleep with me anymore. I feel like he has someone on the side possibly, idk maybe I am wrong. He says he still wants to be in the relationship but is pissed at me because of some instances where I did chew him out for being irresponsible. He would take crap to me about paying for full coverage on my car and say I am wasting money. When I bought the car he screamed at the at the dealers lot so bad the guy reduced the price several thousand because he felt bad for me. That was very embarrassing. 
 

this morning he got up to leave for work and I said send me your location or you’re not using my vehicle because you don’t have a license so you are not covered on my insurance, that is all we have, and I am not compromising on this. He refused and I has currently locked himself in the bathroom.  
 

I am open to literally all opinions and advice. Please be straight forward. I don’t know what to do next or even where my head should be at. I have somewhat disassociated with this issue for now so I can focus on my job and not lose my s*** and figure out what my next move will be. 

[Leihla_B]

Unfortunately, BF is behaving exactly like a drug addict. He may have been functional for the first part of your relationship, but he's since spiraled down and he's hitting bottom.

I'd move out and tell him that he's only welcome to contact me after he's gotten help and gotten sober. Sticking around to watch this train wreck does him no favors, it's enabling. The kindest thing you can do for him is to let him lose you.

[Lotsgoingon]

This relationship is over. I am not sure he was ever worth dating. One questionable incident is enough to start questioning things. This guy has several. 

When he was arrested for DUI, you treated him like a kid. No, his job as an adult is to get himself out of jail and to get himself into a program. And this guy has lost his job. Dump this guy.

Oh and incase by some chance he gets into a wreck in the car I bought and I need to find him. You are treating him as if he is a 5-year-old. It's not your job to monitor him. You can't monitor him. 

Note: I started reading with the framework that he didn't want to be checked on all the time. But by the end, I realize, he doesn't want his addiction checked on all the time.

You are wasting valuable time and energy in your life. Get out!

[Gebidozo]

This relationship started badly and got worse. 4 months is way too early for moving together. Monitoring each other’s location is completely suffocating. I have controlling tendencies and anxiety issues and even I never did that. On top of that, there are his lies, his addiction, and the lack of physical intimacy.

Please don’t waste your time on this.

But please, in the future, don’t monitor the location of your romantic partner.

[Gaeta]

I would pack up, take my car and leave and not look back. 

There is nothing to salvage here. This guy is sinking to the bottom of the barrel and there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do. 

On a side note, it's very sad your ex died in an accident but you cannot spend the rest of your life monitoring the people you date because of it. Monitoring your partner will not keep them from having an accident.  

And on a last note, having a boyfriend using drugs and having clandestine sex is your first class ticket to catch a series of none-curable illnesses that could really fk with your life and health.

Edited September 26 by Gaeta

[basil67]

What the heck did I just read????    If this is true, you're out of your mind for staying with this guy.

Take your stuff, your car and move out.   Let him sort out his own messes

 

[Els]

There are plenty of situations in which sharing your location is a beneficial thing for both parties. I turn it on when I travel solo, for instance, so that if anything happens to me H might at least have a lead.

In your situation, it sounds pointless and like trying to tape a band aid on a gushing wound. Why are you still with him?

[basil67]

 Indeed.  We use trackers in our home because they can be quite useful.  But in OPs case, all the other problems are far more significant than him refusing a tracker