Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 Just now, Alpacalia said: No, it's not lovebombing...It's two people having casual sex. Oh this not casual to me. Casual is we have sex we orgasm and then you leave and we go on about our day 😂. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 2 minutes ago, Fantasyallure said: Oh this not casual to me. Casual is we have sex we orgasm and then you leave and we go on about our day 😂. That is not necessarily true. A man can be affectionate and it's still casual sex for him. Does he take you out? Does he invest in you with more than just sex? Do you go on actual dates? Do you spend quality time together? If the answer is no to most of these then I would say it's not indicative of a deeper emotional connection or pursuit of a serious relationship... but if you're both okay with a casual hook-up arrangement then that's fine too. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 19 Author Share Posted September 19 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: That is not necessarily true. A man can be affectionate and it's still casual sex for him. Does he take you out? Does he invest in you with more than just sex? Do you go on actual dates? Do you spend quality time together? If the answer is no to most of these then I would say it's not indicative of a deeper emotional connection or pursuit of a serious relationship... but if you're both okay with a casual hook-up arrangement then that's fine too. He doesn't that why I'm confused why we adding in all the extra stuff which he initiates like showering together, baths and conversations EL OH EL . I don't do stuff like this with people I have sex with. Soooooo I've been telling myself for a day or 2 now to ghost him. Because yeah let me stop lying to myself and trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. If we having sex that's all we doing idc to know about your kids and your private life or anything. I don't do that we having sex and cuddling and bonding with no intentions. Leave me be. Nut and go. So should I just ghost him or tell him like this isn't my type situation? But then I feel like I'm self sabotaging because we are compatible out the sex which we both have acknowledged out loud. But I think I would like to explore the going on dates thing with him but obv he doesn't? But I think maybe that's as far as it will get? He enjoys my company and sex. Do I owe him that explain why I'm good and departing ? Or do I just depart? And I did ask him about his infant child's mother lastnight Edited September 19 by Fantasyallure Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 (edited) 1 hour ago, Fantasyallure said: But I think maybe that's as far as it will get? He enjoys my company and sex. Do I owe him that explain why I'm good and departing ? Or do I just depart? And I did ask him about his infant child's mother lastnight You tell him that you enjoy his company but would like to go on dates and not just have sex. Ask him if he feels the same way too or does he just want sex and conversation? After he tells you what he wants then you decide if that too is what you want. If not, tell him that doesn't work for you and end it. What is DA/FA? He probably likes showering and bathing with you to make sure you're both clean for sex. Edited September 19 by stillafool 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 19 Share Posted September 19 35 minutes ago, stillafool said: DA/FA? I believe it means dismissive avoidant/fearful avoidance. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 21 Share Posted September 21 (edited) On 9/19/2024 at 10:32 AM, Fantasyallure said: Oh this not casual to me. Casual is we have sex we orgasm and then you leave and we go on about our day 😂. Well, everybody is not you, and not like you. You are contradicting yourself a lot. You are complaining about the showering/ bathing together - SO WHY DO IT?? You seem to prefer just straight up sex with no connection. That's very easy to arrange. Lots of men are into that. I'll repeat this suggestion: Stop identifying yourself with the initials of your "attachment style." I'm not saying that there's nothing to this, but it's at the point of dumbed down, over-simplified pop psychology, Be accountable for yourself. Make your own choices and decisions consciously. Stop attributing everything you do to "DA/FA." You're a whole multifaceted person, your attachment style is a sliver of who you are. Edited September 21 by NuevoYorko 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 21 Share Posted September 21 You're getting so caught up in thinking that bathing together and talking suggest intimacy, but you know sex workers do this stuff too? It means absolutely nothing other than the fact that he likes this as part of the hookups. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 21 Author Share Posted September 21 1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said: Well, everybody is not you, and not like you. You are contradicting yourself a lot. You are complaining about the showering/ bathing together - SO WHY DO IT?? You seem to prefer just straight up sex with no connection. That's very easy to arrange. Lots of men are into that. I'll repeat this suggestion: Stop identifying yourself with the initials of your "attachment style." I'm not saying that there's nothing to this, but it's at the point of dumbed down, over-simplified pop psychology, Be accountable for yourself. Make your own choices and decisions consciously. Stop attributing everything you do to "DA/FA." You're a whole multifaceted person, your attachment style is a sliver of who you are. Well sorry it plays a huge role in my romantic relationships so that's why I'm in therapy now. And no that's not what I prefer, and I'm not complaining about the showers and baths... but I got the answers I needed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Fantasyallure Posted September 21 Author Share Posted September 21 16 minutes ago, basil67 said: You're getting so caught up in thinking that bathing together and talking suggest intimacy, but you know sex workers do this stuff too? It means absolutely nothing other than the fact that he likes this as part of the hookups. Idk what intimacy is so ig Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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