question for ladies and gentlemen

[Specific296]

first question for the ladies

if all men

were emotionally/mentally financially physically be ready for relationship

then protect you/from flirting men and himself from flirting women/and threats physical and mental threats

and he provides/emotionally/physically/financially

lastly shows, kindness/love/respect

(mind you he is either a normal looking guy and mentally normal aswell financially average. or and ugly looking or hot looking.)

would you do the following 3 things if he were to be ur husband

1 respect him love him and loyal to him

2 not go on the internet and say i hate all men

3 expect more of him when this is his limit.

second question for the men would u say u would be able to do this?

Edited September 16 by Specific296

[basil67]

1. You've mentioned all about actions and nothing about personality.   I need a man to be interesting, get on well with my friends and family, have a sparkle in his eye and share my sense of humour.

2a. I actually do have a partner who financially supports me because I care for our disabled child.  While it is fortunate that he has the means, I find the situation isolating and sometimes brain numbing.  It has also rendered me virtually unemployable for anything other than low paid retail work.  If I had the choice, I'd be back in the workforce.  

2b  More broadly, a man who wants to support a woman shows no respect to the fact that she may have a career which she loves.  It shows no understanding that leaving the workforce can render her unemployable.  It shows no understanding that a woman may enjoy her work and find it mentally stimulating.  And less often, him *planning* on her not working is a red flag for domestic abuse.

2c Your plan would deplete a large amount of the workforce.   Where are you going to find male workers to fill their roles?  And as a woman, there are many fields where I want decisionmakers and front line workers who have lived experience as a woman.

3. I would not want a man to protect me from flirting and mental threats of others.  It tells me he thinks I can't look after myself and he sees me as some kind of wilting flower who needs protection.  I am not a wilting flower.

4. I don't generally need a huge amount of emotional support from a partner - that's what my female friends are for. They understand issues from a female perspective better

5. It doesn't need to be "all men".  I'm happy with one man.   

In short, your plan is poorly thought out and shows little understanding of the varying needs of different woman and the broader needs of a society.  It gets a big fat NOPE from me

Signed, a woman who's been happily married for 30+ years (and who likes men)

Edited September 16 by basil67

[Gaeta]

I'm not sure where you got that list of what women want. Almost sounds like you found that list in a cooking book writren in 1954.

If your lady goes on the Internet to say she hates men maybe it's time she finds a job and start fetching for herself.

[basil67]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I'm not sure where you got that list of what women want. Almost sounds like you found that list in a cooking book writren in 1954.

If your lady goes on the Internet to say she hates men maybe it's time she finds a job and start fetching for herself.

OH!  I have a book which is about 140 years old which contains much marital advice similar to this.  Where the heck have I put it?   

[NuevoYorko]

Is the woman supposed to like him at all?  Is he supposed to like her?  Or is that not important. 

Also not sure what women need protection from flirting men.  Aren't they in charge of deflecting that type of thing for themselves?

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Specific296 said:

second question for the men would u say u would be able to do this?

Your entire list feels very artificial, is devoid of any context, doesn’t take into account some basic requirements for being in a long-term relationship in the first place (physical attraction, common spiritual values, intellectual compatibility, sexual compatibility, etc.), and contains a few strangely outdated concepts. 

I don’t need to “protect” my lady from flirting men, it sounds really condescending. She’s a grown up woman and she can decide herself how to behave with men who flirt with her. Similarly, I don’t “protect” myself from flirting women, I just choose not to flirt. 

I don’t think it’s a man’s duty to be the financial provider for his partner. In my relationship, both my partner and I work. I earn a little bit more than her currently, so I put in more money into our common life.

As for the rest of your list, I think these traits are just basic requirements for a good relationship. Obviously, both partners have to satisfy each other’s emotional and physical needs, and both have to be kind, loving, and respectful to each other. You makes it sound like some sort of a unique lifetime achievement, but it is something that simply needs to be there.

 

Edited September 17 by Gebidozo

[Specific296]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

1. You've mentioned all about actions and nothing about personality.   I need a man to be interesting, get on well with my friends and family, have a sparkle in his eye and share my sense of humour.

2a. I actually do have a partner who financially supports me because I care for our disabled child.  While it is fortunate that he has the means, I find the situation isolating and sometimes brain numbing.  It has also rendered me virtually unemployable for anything other than low paid retail work.  If I had the choice, I'd be back in the workforce.  

2b  More broadly, a man who wants to support a woman shows no respect to the fact that she may have a career which she loves.  It shows no understanding that leaving the workforce can render her unemployable.  It shows no understanding that a woman may enjoy her work and find it mentally stimulating.  And less often, him *planning* on her not working is a red flag for domestic abuse.

2c Your plan would deplete a large amount of the workforce.   Where are you going to find male workers to fill their roles?  And as a woman, there are many fields where I want decisionmakers and front line workers who have lived experience as a woman.

3. I would not want a man to protect me from flirting and mental threats of others.  It tells me he thinks I can't look after myself and he sees me as some kind of wilting flower who needs protection.  I am not a wilting flower.

4. I don't generally need a huge amount of emotional support from a partner - that's what my female friends are for. They understand issues from a female perspective better

5. It doesn't need to be "all men".  I'm happy with one man.   

In short, your plan is poorly thought out and shows little understanding of the varying needs of different woman and the broader needs of a society.  It gets a big fat NOPE from me

Signed, a woman who's been happily married for 30+ years (and who likes men)

i did tell the personality. basically kind loving respectful

[Specific296]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Your entire list feels very artificial, is devoid of any context, doesn’t take into account some basic requirements for being in a long-term relationship in the first place (physical attraction, common spiritual values, intellectual compatibility, sexual compatibility, etc.), and contains a few strangely outdated concepts. 

I don’t need to “protect” my lady from flirting men, it sounds really condescending. She’s a grown up woman and she can decide herself how to behave with men who flirt with her. Similarly, I don’t “protect” myself from flirting women, I just choose not to flirt. 

I don’t think it’s a man’s duty to be the financial provider for his partner. In my relationship, both my partner and I work. I earn a little bit more than her currently, so I put in more money into our common life.

As for the rest of your list, I think these traits are just basic requirements for a good relationship. Obviously, both partners have to satisfy each other’s emotional and physical needs, and both have to be kind, loving, and respectful to each other. You makes it sound like some sort of a unique lifetime achievement, but it is something that simply needs to be there.

 

i disagree with you because a real masculine man protect her from getten stolen

[Specific296]

7 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Is the woman supposed to like him at all?  Is he supposed to like her?  Or is that not important. 

Also not sure what women need protection from flirting men.  Aren't they in charge of deflecting that type of thing for themselves?

have you read my post? i already said will you love him

Edited September 17 by Specific296

[Specific296]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Your entire list feels very artificial, is devoid of any context, doesn’t take into account some basic requirements for being in a long-term relationship in the first place (physical attraction, common spiritual values, intellectual compatibility, sexual compatibility, etc.), and contains a few strangely outdated concepts. 

I don’t need to “protect” my lady from flirting men, it sounds really condescending. She’s a grown up woman and she can decide herself how to behave with men who flirt with her. Similarly, I don’t “protect” myself from flirting women, I just choose not to flirt. 

I don’t think it’s a man’s duty to be the financial provider for his partner. In my relationship, both my partner and I work. I earn a little bit more than her currently, so I put in more money into our common life.

As for the rest of your list, I think these traits are just basic requirements for a good relationship. Obviously, both partners have to satisfy each other’s emotional and physical needs, and both have to be kind, loving, and respectful to each other. You makes it sound like some sort of a unique lifetime achievement, but it is something that simply needs to be there.

 

when i meant phsyically i already meant sexualy btw

[Specific296]

i see a huge culture difference here already im not (western) so my cultural beliefs primarily puts needs first before attraction

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Specific296 said:

i did tell the personality. basically kind loving respectful

These are merely the foundations of any half decent person.  The personality is all the nuances which sit above this

[Specific296]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

These are merely the foundations of any half decent person.  The personality is all the nuances which sit above this

sorry didnt understand you

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Specific296 said:

sorry didnt understand you

Kind, loving and respectful is the basics of what one would expect from a partner of either gender.   Personality is what differentiates a person from other people and makes them interesting.  To requote myself "I need a man to be interesting, get on well with my friends and family, have a sparkle in his eye and share my sense of humour.' 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Specific296 said:

have you read my post? i already said will you love him

But WHY does she love him?  You haven't described any traits which would make me swoon over this man....

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Specific296 said:

i disagree with you because a real masculine man protect her from getten stolen

What does "getting stolen" mean?

[Specific296]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Kind, loving and respectful is the basics of what one would expect from a partner of either gender.   Personality is what differentiates a person from other people and makes them interesting.  To requote myself "I need a man to be interesting, get on well with my friends and family, have a sparkle in his eye and share my sense of humour.' 

personality lets see hes kind loving respectful confident normal good nice humble etc etc etc

 

what do you mean by "interesting"?

[Specific296]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

But WHY does she love him?  You haven't described any traits which would make me swoon over this man....

because of the things hes doing for her the things i mentioned in my post

Edited September 17 by Specific296

[Specific296]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

What does "getting stolen" mean?

protect her from other men in terms of protect her from falling for another guy

[basil67]

Just now, Specific296 said:

personality lets see hes kind loving respectful confident normal good nice humble etc etc etc

None of this describes what he's like to have a conversation with.  He could be all of this, but I could find him immensely boring

Just now, Specific296 said:

what do you mean by "interesting"?

The opposite of boring or dull

[Specific296]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

None of this describes what he's like to have a conversation with.  He could be all of this, but I could find him immensely boring

The opposite of boring or dull

oh i see. see thats your culture. here we dont look if guy is smart or funny because we dont see those traits as if he has it that means hes nessesarily a good person. 

again we value needs before attraction aswell

Edited September 17 by Specific296

[Specific296]

 

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

None of this describes what he's like to have a conversation with.  He could be all of this, but I could find him immensely boring

The opposite of boring or dull

nessesarily*

Edited September 17 by Specific296
mistake

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Specific296 said:

because of the things hes doing for her the things i mentioned in my post

But I don't want most of those things, so I won't love him for that.   And meanwhile, he's still doesn't have an interesting personality

 

2 minutes ago, Specific296 said:

protect her from other men in terms of protect her from falling for another guy

If she's interested in another man, he can't stop her from falling for him.  Do you propose he not work and that he should spend every waking hour supervising her every contact with other people?

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Specific296 said:

oh i see. see thats your culture. here we dont look if guy is smart or funny because we dont see those traits as if he has it that means hes nessesarily a good person. 

again we value needs before attraction aswell

and being good and kind and loving does not mean he's necessarily enjoyable to spend time with.   He has to have the whole package

[Specific296]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

But I don't want most of those things, so I won't love him for that.   And meanwhile, he's still doesn't have an interesting personality

 

If she's interested in another man, he can't stop her from falling for him.  Do you propose he not work and that he should spend every waking hour supervising her every contact with other people?

so u dont want sex money and someone to talk to? he just has to be interesting thats it