Presario Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I wouldn't like it if my man was with another women having sex behind my back ..I know damn well i won't allow it in front of me !!! I guess we both are monogamists. I don't understand how other people can share their partners! My brother had a female acquaintance who was a nympho. She had a boyfriend, but also belonged to a porn club. She and her boyfirend would have group sex and somehow it was OK. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I guess we both are monogamists. I don't understand how other people can share their partners! My brother had a female acquaintance who was a nympho. She had a boyfriend, but also belonged to a porn club. She and her boyfirend would have group sex and somehow it was OK. Yeah definitely guess we made the vows of marriage forsaking all other's and stuck to it... Why do people even marry if they want to be with others ? Never will understand that.. We had offers to swing but just not our thing !! Hooray for monogomy.. Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 10, 2006 Share Posted January 10, 2006 I was once in a relationship with complete trust and emotional fidelity... one evening, a female friend of his was visiting us... I went to take a leak and it seems they were talking while I was on the can, because when I came back in the room, he asked me if I was down for a threesome. I grinned, said yes, and we went at it. Now, I know it sounds outlandish, but he was 18, I was 19 and we were free spirits. She got driven home afterward all hugs and kisses, and the two of us went back home and off to sleep... we woke up the next morning cuddling as usual, looked up at each other, giggled, and went back to sleep. We were truly and innocently in love, he and I were. Those were the days. Everyone I've spoken to who's brought other people into their 'marital' bed said it ended up ruining their relationship. I've always been the odd one out in the issue, because I felt that a relationship with full trust could only be enhanced by a little shared fun... Until now. My current relationship has changed my view on this completely. Maybe life isn't all fun and games for me anymore. But I feel something so magical with this new man that to bring someone else into bed would somehow mar the sanctity of it... all our energy that we've infused into that bed, all that love and passion and synergy... to soil it with some outsider's vibes would be an abomination. Not like we could do it in some other bed, either. Our bodies and our memories would be tainted by the invasion of our temple. Sorry to wax all Maynard-like, but I've gotten a bit metaphysical lately. It's not better or worse than it was when I was 19... just different. Link to post Share on other sites
snootylj Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 i'm having kinda the same problem, i don't have a problem with having sex with another couple. my h was virgin when we meet and i have been his only partner and i'm worried, the grass might be greener on the other side?!! I think once you have established trust with uncertainity, i idea of swinging would just bring a little more fun into sex just without the threat of commiting adultery, which is a good thing. I would advise looking into it just hope everything goes good. trust is the biggest part of swinging!!! Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 What do you think about a married couple bringing in someone as a little more than a one time threesome? Something more like a FWB. I would appreciate some advice about that. Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 What do you think about a married couple bringing in someone as a little more than a one time threesome? Something more like a FWB. I would appreciate some advice about that. Are you asking about your side of it or theirs? Well, if they've already been living that lifestyle, then it's just another day in the life. If not, who knows?... it might end up ruining their relationship. But that's not your problem, now is it? As for you, just don't go getting attached to either one of them (especially the husband) and you'll be all right. Don't ask me about the moral correctness of it, though. I don't believe all that hooplah. Link to post Share on other sites
FriendsForLife Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 I know a couple who have an open marriage and seem to be very happy. Who knows though. Read the book "The Ethical Slut" it debunks a lot of myths and tells straight up the downfalls and benefits to these types of relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Are you asking about your side of it or theirs? I am the OW so to speak. I don't want to be the cause of the downfall of their marriage, though. I do really like them and want to be be a good "girlfriend" since they are saying that they would ideally like this to be monogomous. Hmmmm, decisions decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Bartimus Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Was just popping around the internet and saw this thread. My wife and I have an open marriage (leans more towards Polyamory than open, but that is a minor distinction in terms in my humble opinion). We practice both Poly and at times (about once every two months or so at "play parties") swinging. I can honestly say that our marriage has never been better. We practiced close to 10 years of monogamy, while we always "talked about" and "had fantasies" about other people. What we have found is that by allowing this other activity to happen, it really opens up the lines of communication. Yes - there is the chance for hurt feelings, etc - but if you **communicate** effectivley (just like you have to in a traditional marriage) all of those issues can be addressed, and used as a stepping stone to growth. One thing I see people talking about is "I am to jealous to ever allow my SO to do something like that". Guess what - *everyone* is jealous - it is a natural feeling. What you have to do is seperate jealousy from posessiveness. Most people think that what they are feeling is jealousy - and it really is the later. It comes down to this: I don't want my SO doing that because he/she is MINE. I take the reverse look at it. Does this activity make my SO happy? If so - if my SO is happy - does that make me happy? 95% of the time - the answer is *YES* - it does not have to be about sex either - it is about everything that you are doing in life. Sex is such a small part of having an "open" marriage. It happens - it is fun - but it is not the focus for us. I am very good friends with my wife's boyfriend, when I see them together (not in a sexual way - but to be honest that would not bother me either)- I don't get pangs of jealousy. I look and see how happy she is when she is with him, and that brings me joy. And is that not what life is about? Anyways - I fear I have started to ramble - take it for what it is worth. Bartimus Link to post Share on other sites
barfool Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 I love you Bartimus. Too bad you are taken. Or should I say, all the better! If only there were more like you... Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 As a private fantasy its cool. To actually step across the event horizon into reality would be too much for me. You said it perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
Weye Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 My opinion is that if two people are both happy being in an "open-marriage" situation, then that's their choice. There's nothing wrong with it if they both understand fully what they are getting into and are satisfied with that. More power to them. I personally would never enter an "open-marriage". I believe that marriage represents an end to polyamorism. When someone is ready to give up seeing other people for the rest of their life, then they are ready for marriage. Until then, why not remain FWB. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Was just popping around the internet and saw this thread. My wife and I have an open marriage (leans more towards Polyamory than open, but that is a minor distinction in terms in my humble opinion). We practice both Poly and at times (about once every two months or so at "play parties") swinging. I can honestly say that our marriage has never been better. We practiced close to 10 years of monogamy, while we always "talked about" and "had fantasies" about other people. What we have found is that by allowing this other activity to happen, it really opens up the lines of communication. Yes - there is the chance for hurt feelings, etc - but if you **communicate** effectivley (just like you have to in a traditional marriage) all of those issues can be addressed, and used as a stepping stone to growth. One thing I see people talking about is "I am to jealous to ever allow my SO to do something like that". Guess what - *everyone* is jealous - it is a natural feeling. What you have to do is seperate jealousy from posessiveness. Most people think that what they are feeling is jealousy - and it really is the later. It comes down to this: I don't want my SO doing that because he/she is MINE. I take the reverse look at it. Does this activity make my SO happy? If so - if my SO is happy - does that make me happy? 95% of the time - the answer is *YES* - it does not have to be about sex either - it is about everything that you are doing in life. Sex is such a small part of having an "open" marriage. It happens - it is fun - but it is not the focus for us. I am very good friends with my wife's boyfriend, when I see them together (not in a sexual way - but to be honest that would not bother me either)- I don't get pangs of jealousy. I look and see how happy she is when she is with him, and that brings me joy. And is that not what life is about? Anyways - I fear I have started to ramble - take it for what it is worth. Bartimus Then what is the difference betwee you & her 'bf'? She has an emotional & physical connection to you both. Do you really think she would cut all ties with im if you asked her too? What would she say if you had a 'gf' on the side? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I guess maybe it's the comfort of knowing that no matter how many people you screw, or spend extra time with, either physically or emotionally, that once at home, things are the same. What happens outside the door won't change that fact. Each to their own, but I think once opening that door, it's too easy to allow yourself to seriously fall for someone else. Then what happens if you fall out of love with your own spouse? Do they become the bf/gf and then the person who is front and centre takes over and becomes the one they share life with? Hope that made sense! It did in my head, not too sure how that will read now that I see it...lol Link to post Share on other sites
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