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I'm miserably in love with someone else


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I’ve been married going on 20 years. We have 3 kids and our first grandchild. It was a rocky beginning, my husband was not responsible or reliable for a long time, and I’m sure my family and friends never thought we would make it this far. He has devastated me in the past, but we made it through and although it took a long time to get over I have forgiven him. Over the years he has changed a lot and I know he loves me and his family and is perfectly content with his life, aside from maybe financially and a job that demands a lot of him. He is gone a lot, and when he’s home he’s usually tired from having an inconsistent schedule and long hours. We really aren’t able to easily plan date nights, or getaways, and when he’s home he never wants to go anywhere, which I can understand but it can get frustrating and lonely for me as the one who is always here taking care of the house and kids. Even so, I love him and up until a couple of years ago I would have never thought about anyone else.
We moved to a new state a few years ago which was a big transition. I was miserable and lonely at my new job and was trying to figure out a way to do something else. I transferred to a different job within the same company and things turned around for me in many positive ways. My new boss encouraged me and convinced me I could do things I never would have thought I could do. I have a career now and am working toward a degree to move up and accomplish more. I feel like he has changed me in so many ways, he is a blessing in my life. Over the last few years we have grown to be good friends, and I am in love with him.  It drives me crazy because even though I am pretty certain he’s feeling something for me, neither of us will ever be the first one to say it and so I will never know for sure. He is single, but knowing him he would never make a move on a married woman. Sometimes I think certain things he says are hinting around but in such a subtle way that I can’t tell and don’t want to ask. Sometimes I think we should just get it out there once and for all but I know that there’s a point of no return and we haven’t gotten there yet. 
These feelings are so painful because I love my husband, he is my family and I can never imagine walking out on him and leaving him alone. I was so young when we got together and I got pregnant not long after we met, I’m positive we would not have stayed together if it hadn’t been for our daughter. We created a beautiful family and have grown up together. He supports me and tells me he loves me all the time. But there are definitely some things lacking in our relationship as well. And my boss is someone I’ve gotten to know as an adult and there is a mutual respect and understanding of each other. I know it can never go anywhere, I’m not leaving my husband and I’m not leaving my job that I love so I’m just trying to figure out a way to make all this work and stop being so obsessed with someone I can’t have. 

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You are playing with fire. It may be best to get a new job if you plan to stay married.

but it’s really not fair to your husband to stay with him and feel this way about the other man (your boss).

consider being honest with your husband so he knows the truth. Maybe you can work on the marriage together - towards making it stronger.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Please don’t ruin 20 years of a good thing for your boss in the workplace.   Sure, it may feel exciting but new toys also get boring also after you have played with them for a while.   

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Tough one, but as you said, if you're not planning to leave then it's just lust. Lust can also lead to love.

What you do with lust..

If you take action and sleep with him, will you be scratching an itch that no one needs to ever know about? OR will it lead to a fledging relationship which will lead to you separating from your partner?

If I'm honest, it sounds to me like you just want to shag him..(sorry for saying it 🤷‍♂️)

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jasonblackheart01

So...your desperately lonely and tempted to have affair to a man showing you great attention. Got it. 

Why don't you communicate with your husband? Tell him how lonely you are? How you miss his touch? 

Yes, we know your lonely, but showing affection to another man is already a sin even thought you haven't have sex.

Instead of looking for someone, you have kids to take care of? Why don't you focus on them?

In the end, you are just selfish and just thinking about your happiness.

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