justaguy8338 Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 What steps should I take in light of the following? I stumbled across tonight a man's wedding ring in our house where we've lived for 15 years. Sometime before I came home from work today, the ring was placed on the top edge of our granite backsplash. As if to keep it off the counter to prevent its getting lost. It's not new, no box, and it's sized a bit larger than mine. It has a gold color similar to mine, but is light and cheap. It has no inscription, whereas mine does. It was sitting in the spot where the wife has for years placed solely documents (like VISA bills) she is going to process and then send out in the US Mail. I left first for work this morning. Our adult daughter is staying a week and was here this morning when I left. She went with the wife on her business trip a few hours away. We are empty nesters married over 25 years. Wife over the years had several affairs and still deletes all of her texts. I have had zero affairs and might delete 50 texts a year. She said she is staying with family tonight out of town. Other than the affairs and their effects, she has been a model wife, loved by her and my families and our kids. She has for many years been a respected and successful professional. I do love her so much with all of my heart and forgave her years ago for her affairs. She will be back home tomorrow from her trip before I will be home from work. Should I take the ring with me tomorrow when I go to work, so it doesn't disappear? I took several photos tonight of the rings. Would appreciate your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 Just ask her about the ring. It seems like her affairs have been out in the open between you. There's a good chance she will tell you the truth. If she denies knowing anything about it, what are you planning to do about it? You might ask your daughter also. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justaguy8338 Posted June 13 Author Share Posted June 13 (edited) Thanks. I will ask. She always hid the affairs. Edited June 13 by justaguy8338 Clarity. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 It sounds like you already know she is probably up to her old tricks again. And I'm sorry, but model wife? No, she is not. A model wife does not have affairs to begin with. You sound like you are in deep, long-seated denial about her and have trouble facing the truth. You can ask her where the ring came from but you will likely not get the real answer. Why have stayed all these years with a woman who behaves the way she does? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 Given her history, I can see why you're coming to the conclusion you are. However, the only reason I can see for a guy to take his ring off and leave it on the spashback is if he had to take it off to wash his hands after working with something very very messy or dirty. Like working with mince meat or perhaps working under a car. Thing is, if it doesn't make sense, then it's probably not true. If the ring was where your wife leaves things she's sorting, perhaps it belonged to a deceased family relative and she was working out what to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 I think my default assumption, given everything else you mention would be that a guy took it off, she put it there for safekeeping/"to not forget it", and then they both forgot about it. That default assumption could be wrong. Maybe she found it talking a walk around the neighborhood, maybe the daughter had it for some reason, maybe the deceased relative as mentioned above. Who knows. But given everything you write, I'd say the default assumption has a substantially higher probability of being what actually happened - perhaps a ballpark of 80% likely, unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted June 13 Share Posted June 13 If she did invite a man over I do find it a little unlikely that she would just leave his ring there next to the counter where it could easily be seen. Even if they were caught up in the moment I would imagine later on after they were done she would make sure any suspicious evidence wouldn't be found without some significant searching. I feel like if she did leave it there she almost was kind of wanting you to find it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justaguy8338 Posted June 14 Author Share Posted June 14 Solved. The ring came wrapped up in the padding material sent with a table purchased online. Daughter independently verifies. Wife has called them try return the ring to correct person at factory/ distribution center from which it shipped..... Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 1 hour ago, justaguy8338 said: Solved. The ring came wrapped up in the padding material sent with a table purchased online. Daughter independently verifies. Wife has called them try return the ring to correct person at factory/ distribution center from which it shipped..... That sounds odd but ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nellea Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 This does sound a bit strange, but if she was trying to hide this ring she wouldn’t have placed it in plain sight where she always puts other important things. I wouldn’t make much of it… That being said… to me it sound like you’re still hurt by her past actions, although you forgave her… I feel like you guys would benefit from couples counselling, but that’s just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 (edited) On 6/12/2024 at 10:02 PM, justaguy8338 said: It's not new, no box, and it's sized a bit larger than mine. It has a gold color similar to mine, but is light and cheap. It has no inscription, whereas mine does. If the ring isn't new, why would a business ship a used ring? Did the ring look used/worn? Unless of course the ring was returned or exchanged by a previous customer, and the business mistakenly included it with the new table. Or, someone from the factory who accidentally dropped it in the packaging material. Is it plausible? Meh, unlikely, but not impossible. But then again, why would someone she was having an affair with in your home need to take their wedding ring off? What other reason would they have for taking it off except if they were with someone they shouldn't be wearing a wedding ring in front of? I could see accidentally leaving behind an article of clothing or something. And if the man wasn't in her home, what reason could there be to have another man's wedding ring in her possession? Bottom line, the fact that it was placed in a spot where mail is usually kept suggests some level of intention. That she still deletes all of her texts raises questions. Albeit, I delete texts sometimes from family and friends whereas other texts I save for various reasons. You say she is a "model wife" but cheating on someone is not in line with being a model wife. And while you may have forgiven her, that doesn't mean she has stopped her behavior. Edited June 14 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: If the ring isn't new, why would a business ship a used ring? Did the ring look used/worn? Unless of course the ring was returned or exchanged by a previous customer, and the business mistakenly included it with the new table. Or, someone from the factory who accidentally dropped it in the packaging material. Is it plausible? Meh, unlikely, but not impossible. But then again, why would someone she was having an affair with in your home need to take their wedding ring off? What other reason would they have for taking it off except if they were with someone they shouldn't be wearing a wedding ring in front of? I could see accidentally leaving behind an article of clothing or something. And if the man wasn't in her home, what reason could there be to have another man's wedding ring in her possession? Bottom line, the fact that it was placed in a spot where mail is usually kept suggests some level of intention. That she still deletes all of her texts raises questions. Albeit, I delete texts sometimes from family and friends and other texts I save for various reasons. You say she is a "model wife" but cheating on someone is not in line with being a model wife. And while you may have forgiven her, that doesn't mean she has stopped her behavior. OP said the ring was wrapped up in the packing material of a package she'd ordered and it was sitting in the tray where she keeps all the things which need to be actioned. My dad has had a ring fall off and get lost, so I know it can happen Link to post Share on other sites
princessaurora Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 (edited) About a year ago, we had a client at my workplace who lost his wife and we had a condolence gift shipped to him. His daughter came by the office totally upset and confused because there was also a yellow bikini in the box. She didn't understand the meaning and wanted to know why we would do such a thing. This was a huge embarassment for us and we had it investigated. Turned out one of the employees at the factory the gift came from accidentally put it in the box. Till this day we talk about it because it is so bizarre. ( We also laugh which we feel horrible about.) So. apparently things like this do happen. Plus, your daughter confirmed the story, so it does make it seem the more likely thing that occurred. My guess would be the person packing up the table took his ring off while he was working and it somehow got caught on the tape. Still, it doesn't discount the fact your wife has cheated in the past and is the complete opposite of a model wife. It doesnt matter if she's a successful businesswoman and loved by her family. What she truly is, is a woman with no class or character, and you deserve better. Edited June 14 by princessaurora Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 (edited) I think you need to pay attention to the fact that you immediately jumped to a specific conclusion. Maybe you have left over doubts because of her unfaithful past, or maybe there are other current issues that make you suspicious. You noted that she deletes all her texts. I would also find that notable in someone that has a history of hiding affairs. As others have said, a model wife does not cheat. Others, including you, loving her and respecting her professionally has nothing to do with what kind of wife she is. Make sure you are being honest with yourself about your relationship, regardless of whether or not the ring issue was just a packing error. Edited June 14 by FMW Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 14 Share Posted June 14 With deleting of texts, it could be personal habit. My husband is orderly and deletes texts and emails when he's read them. On the other hand, my text app has a red dot alerting me to 49 unread texts (most are simply notifications which I've already seen on my home screen) and I hate to think what my email looks like. Looks like that's a job for me today Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 15 Share Posted June 15 (edited) On 6/13/2024 at 9:55 AM, mark clemson said: That default assumption could be wrong. Fortunately it was. Edited June 15 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
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