Jump to content

Should I buy a place if my gf doesn't like it?


Recommended Posts

  • Author
ironpony
56 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

you're on a 50/50 path here.

yes, this is YOUR purchase and you are buying what you can afford, but as others have mentioned, don't feel obligated to buy a dump just because that's all you can get.  maybe just don't rush into things.

yes - your girlfriend can have an opinion, and if you move into a place she doesn't like, she may never want to live there.  but, if your name is on the mortgage it is your responsibility and not hers, so don't do something you can't afford just because of her.  

 

That's true but if she refuses to move in with me because the place is not good enough for her, what then?

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, ironpony said:

Oh ok but I have paid rent to them before.  I guess I am just trying to accept the hand I've been dealt in term of what the bank is willing the lend me, and how much they want for a down payment.

Except nobody is dealing you this hand other than yourself. You can:

  1. Buy together with your gf in 5 years' time when she has a good job, essentially doubling your potential loan.
  2. Buy a unit/apartment/condo.
  3. Work towards a better-paying job.
  4. All of the above combined.

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, ironpony said:

the bank cares a lot more about The upfront cost rather than what repairs will cost in the future 

I've bought three houses in my life.  All three times the bank "qualified" me for a lot more than the price of the homes I bought.  I knew the higher amount was not reasonable for me to pay with my income and still cover other expenses.  Upkeep  requires regular expenditures that have to be budgeted, otherwise your investment will be worthless over time.

Home ownership is a serious responsibility.  Sit down and make a list of your current expenses PLUS the additional requirements that home ownership requires (insurance much more expensive than renters insurance, all utilities, taxes, lawn mower and similar equipment), PLUS money to set aside (savings account) on a regular basis for repairs and replacement of appliances, etc.  That's before you add in the costs of being able to go to dinner and a movie occasionally, much less anything else.

It really doesn't sound like you or your girlfriend are ready to buy any time soon.  Buying is certainly not always the better option than renting.  Focus on the reality of your own situation.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
25 minutes ago, FMW said:

I've bought three houses in my life.  All three times the bank "qualified" me for a lot more than the price of the homes I bought.  I knew the higher amount was not reasonable for me to pay with my income and still cover other expenses.  Upkeep  requires regular expenditures that have to be budgeted, otherwise your investment will be worthless over time.

Home ownership is a serious responsibility.  Sit down and make a list of your current expenses PLUS the additional requirements that home ownership requires (insurance much more expensive than renters insurance, all utilities, taxes, lawn mower and similar equipment), PLUS money to set aside (savings account) on a regular basis for repairs and replacement of appliances, etc.  That's before you add in the costs of being able to go to dinner and a movie occasionally, much less anything else.

It really doesn't sound like you or your girlfriend are ready to buy any time soon.  Buying is certainly not always the better option than renting.  Focus on the reality of your own situation.

Oh ok thanks.  We made a list of everything and budgeted it all out already.

I am totally willing to get a place that doesn't have to be fixed up that much it's just that I need to pay more for such a place upfront and cannot afford it.  I can am looking at condos too but my gf is really reluctant to move into one because if the noise.

 

But at the same time I need her to help pay the condo fees and bills if that's the case.

Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67
2 hours ago, ironpony said:

That's true but if she refuses to move in with me because the place is not good enough for her, what then?

You live there on your own.  

Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, ironpony said:

But at the same time I need her to help pay the condo fees and bills if that's the case.

Renters are not responsible for condo fees.  Remember, no matter whether you choose a house or a condo, this is YOUR place alone.  YOU are responsible for everything.   

If she moves in and pays rent, that's simply a bonus. 

Edited by basil67
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67
Posted (edited)
12 hours ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay thanks it's just that's all I can afford right now is the dump so I'm not sure why she expects me to have more. 

She doesn't expect you to have more.  She is simply refusing to move into a dump.

Quote

She doesn't have near as much savings as me so even if we did it together it would still be almost all my money still.  She's in university now and she used up all her savings on that.  So even if we do combine our savings I am still putting it in all of it for the down payment but at the same time I can only afford a dumpy place 

If you waited she graduates and has a good job and the two of you got married, then she'd have an income and savings to contribute.  

Quote

As for the dumpy place needing repairs in the future in the long run, the bank doesn't care about that so much as the down payment. 

YOU should care!  How will you meet your mortgage repayments if you're hit with a $50,000 bill for fixing the foundations of your house?  

Edited by basil67
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
4 hours ago, basil67 said:

She doesn't expect you to have more.  She is simply refusing to move into a dump.

If you waited she graduates and has a good job and the two of you got married, then she'd have an income and savings to contribute.  

YOU should care!  How will you meet your mortgage repayments if you're hit with a $50,000 bill for fixing the foundations of your house?  

Oh yes I definitely care, I'm just saying the bank doesn't and they won't lend me more just so I can get a place with less fixes later.  But I definitely care.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
6 hours ago, Els said:

Except nobody is dealing you this hand other than yourself. You can:

  1. Buy together with your gf in 5 years' time when she has a good job, essentially doubling your potential loan.
  2. Buy a unit/apartment/condo.
  3. Work towards a better-paying job.
  4. All of the above combined.

 

I can do this but the problem with a condo or apartment is that my gf has hypersensitivity to lots of noise and condos and apartments have more of them since they're in the downtown area with more noisy traffic. So I'm just trying to accommodate her as well.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
11 hours ago, Gaeta said:

It doesn't matter if you are the only one putting a down payment. The  notary will calculate your part and it will all be fair at the end. I have a friend who had a chunk of money to put down on a house but not her boyfriend. His name was still on the mortgage, he paid 50% of mortgage payments and when they sold their house to size down she recuperated her down payment and the rest was divided in half.

Your girlfriend doesn't even have to pay 50% of the mortgage. Lets say you pay $1,000 a month and she can only afford $500. You both own the house but you own a bigger share of it.  

And about buying a house before marriage so you won't lose it in case of divorce....that was a real bad advise. If it's meant to be a second residence yes it will remain yours but if she lives in that house for 30 years, it's her residence, lets say on top of that you have kids, you bet she can claim a part of it. What's that about anyway? having your girlfriend pay rent? If she's capable of paying rent then she's capable of putting that money on a mortgage. 

Oh but that's what the advice meant though, if we happened to be able to get a second place in the future then I can still have this place as back up.  Sorry I meant putting money into the mortgage, rent was a bad term.

Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67
16 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh but that's what the advice meant though, if we happened to be able to get a second place in the future then I can still have this place as back up. 

If prices are going up as much as you say, it's more likely you'd need to sell your first place and use that money for a new place.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony

That's what I thought as well, but everyone says I should still keep this as my place therefore, just in case anything happens.

Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67
16 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If prices are going up as much as you say, it's more likely you'd need to sell your first place and use that money for a new place.

I fear you're getting in over your head

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I fear you're getting in over your head

That's good to know.  Well what do you think I should do, just try to buy the best place I can afford perhaps and if I cannot sell it later, then so be it?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
10 hours ago, Els said:

Except nobody is dealing you this hand other than yourself. You can:

  1. Buy together with your gf in 5 years' time when she has a good job, essentially doubling your potential loan.
  2. Buy a unit/apartment/condo.
  3. Work towards a better-paying job.
  4. All of the above combined.

 

Well the condo thing she is really reluctant to agree too because they are downtown and downtown means a lot more street noise and she is hyper sensitive to noise.  I feel like I got to buy now though, because prices keep going way up and not sure if I can afford anything, even if she has a good job as well.  But even if I did, when people say I should have at least have a place of my own as a safety, to come back to, in case the relationship doesn't work out, do they have a point?

I am still looking for a better paying job, yes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
basil67
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, ironpony said:

That's good to know.  Well what do you think I should do, just try to buy the best place I can afford perhaps and if I cannot sell it later, then so be it?

@ironpony your questions are flipflopping all over the place.  I responded to your comment about keeping the house and buy another with your girlfriend.  Now you've switched to talking about what if you can't sell it.   I fear that if we give one answer, you'll think we are talking about something else.   

Your questions on this topic are like your medical and legal questions: we cannot give you advice on what to do with property purchases.  You must seek your own advice from a trusted family member or do your own research.   If you ask strangers on the internet, you could end up making a very poor decision

At present, you're in way over your head.  Until you understand all the different options and how they would affect you, do not buy anything.

 

Edited by basil67
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Gebidozo
1 hour ago, ironpony said:

I feel like I got to buy now though, because prices keep going way up and not sure if I can afford anything, even if she has a good job as well. 

But that’s a terrible reason for buying a dump. Why are you in such a hurry to buy a house? You should buy a house only if it’s nice and you’re sure you and your family will both enjoy living there for a very long time. That isn’t your case, so you really shouldn’t be buying a house now.

1 hour ago, ironpony said:

But even if I did, when people say I should have at least have a place of my own as a safety, to come back to, in case the relationship doesn't work out, do they have a point?

I don’t think there is a point in keeping your own place as a safety when that place is a dump and you’ve literally invested all your money in it. 

You have to understand, buying a house is a very important move that puts a lot of stress on you and deprives you of many basic freedoms. Don’t rush into it until you’re absolutely certain that is the right move. Which you aren’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be starting this topic.

Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, ironpony said:

That's what I thought as well, but everyone says I should still keep this as my place therefore, just in case anything happens.

If you rent one of your properties it becomes a taxable revenue. When you sell it then the profit is subject to what we call capital tax. It's a lot of work, your tenant will call because the toilet doesn't work, or the roof lets water in, you don't have the luxury to wait till you get money to fix it, you will have to make those repairs asap. You'll need to keep on maintaining it, pay municipal taxes, pay insurances. Etc. 

I don't know who advices you but they really don't have your best financial interest at heart. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, ironpony said:

But even if I did, when people say I should have at least have a place of my own as a safety, to come back to, in case the relationship doesn't work out, do they have a point?

No you don't have a point. Majority of couples will buy a house together and if it doesn't work out they sell, split the money and move on. People have been surviving separation since separation exists. I have bought 3 properties in my life. The 2 first one I bought them with my partner and there was no problem when we separated. When you buy a house with someone  you decide together ahead of time what happens if you separate. The notary is your best friend.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
2 hours ago, Gaeta said:

No you don't have a point. Majority of couples will buy a house together and if it doesn't work out they sell, split the money and move on. People have been surviving separation since separation exists. I have bought 3 properties in my life. The 2 first one I bought them with my partner and there was no problem when we separated. When you buy a house with someone  you decide together ahead of time what happens if you separate. The notary is your best friend.

Oh okay thanks. Is it pretty much impossible to buy a place now unless you have a partner or at least the bank doesn't want to give you the money unless you have a partner to go in with?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
8 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

But that’s a terrible reason for buying a dump. Why are you in such a hurry to buy a house? You should buy a house only if it’s nice and you’re sure you and your family will both enjoy living there for a very long time. That isn’t your case, so you really shouldn’t be buying a house now.

I don’t think there is a point in keeping your own place as a safety when that place is a dump and you’ve literally invested all your money in it. 

You have to understand, buying a house is a very important move that puts a lot of stress on you and deprives you of many basic freedoms. Don’t rush into it until you’re absolutely certain that is the right move. Which you aren’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be starting this topic.

That makes sense. I'm just really worried prices will go up later as they keep going up really high so I'm trying to salvage what I can before it's impossible for me to buy anything at all if that makes sense.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
ironpony
Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, basil67 said:

@ironpony your questions are flipflopping all over the place.  I responded to your comment about keeping the house and buy another with your girlfriend.  Now you've switched to talking about what if you can't sell it.   I fear that if we give one answer, you'll think we are talking about something else.   

Your questions on this topic are like your medical and legal questions: we cannot give you advice on what to do with property purchases.  You must seek your own advice from a trusted family member or do your own research.   If you ask strangers on the internet, you could end up making a very poor decision

At present, you're in way over your head.  Until you understand all the different options and how they would affect you, do not buy anything.

 

I'm sorry about going all over the place I apologize. 

 

I know people cannot give me house buying advice without experience of course. The question I asked originally was should I buy a place if my girlfriend doesn't like it. I wanted to keep the question focus on that and not on the house buying itself. But others were steering their responds is in the direction of house buying.

 

I was mainly just asking if I should buy a place if my girlfriend doesn't like it, which I felt was a relationship question or at least that was my intention.

Edited by ironpony
Link to post
Share on other sites
31 minutes ago, ironpony said:

Oh okay thanks. Is it pretty much impossible to buy a place now unless you have a partner or at least the bank doesn't want to give you the money unless you have a partner to go in with?

You need a good credit score, the down payment, and you need to pass the mortgage stress test meaning they will test your capacity to make your mortgage payments if the exchange rate goes up. It does not matter if you purchase on your own or with a partner as long as you fit in these criteria. 

That being said, like someone else mentioned, you should never borrow the maximum amount the bank offers you. That leaves you with no room on your budget and you would be unable to borrow for emergency renovations.

As for buying a place your girlfriend doesn't like it would depends on what exactly she doesn't like. Your girlfriend is very young, what exactly she doesn't like? the color of the house? she doesn't like the kitchen setup? she wants more bathrooms? What exactly? Are we talking mushroom and mold? are we talking infested with bugs? are we talking a house built in the middle of a street gang territory?  is her problem with the house a real problem or she's just being fussy?

Link to post
Share on other sites
flitzanu
22 hours ago, ironpony said:

That's true but if she refuses to move in with me because the place is not good enough for her, what then?

this is not the popular opinion, but right now you are not married.  this purchase is by you, and you are responsible for it.  you need to buy something that you know you can afford.  that's your first issue.

the second issue - if she doesn't want to live in a place that you can afford, that is her personal opinion and decision.  

understandably she wants to feel safe and you want her to feel safe, and want her to be part of this decision, but this is YOUR purchase.

if the two of you were "renting" a place together, then i think both of you could have equal input on it...but this is YOUR purchase. you can control what you buy, don't let someone else dictate how to spend your money.

Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, ironpony said:

I can do this but the problem with a condo or apartment is that my gf has hypersensitivity to lots of noise and condos and apartments have more of them since they're in the downtown area with more noisy traffic. So I'm just trying to accommodate her as well.

I'm sensitive to noise as well, and we live in an apartment just fine. The key is finding a modern apartment with good soundproofing on a higher floor. They are more expensive than cheaper apartments, but cheaper than houses. Houses are noisy too btw, especially if you have a neighbour who likes to do DIY or landscaping a lot.

21 hours ago, ironpony said:

But at the same time I need her to help pay the condo fees and bills if that's the case.

If you "need" her to pay for part of the bills (for a property that she doesn't own...) in order for you to afford your mortgage, what on earth are you going to do if you break up?!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...