Cindeehm Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 Ok so… I met a guy online. He mesaaged me first. I told him right away that I was not attracted to him. Sorry if thats shallow but zero physical attraction. He has a funny personality but no. He said we can just be friends and while that usually doesn’t work lol I do have 2 very good friends I met online…same thing, no attraction but they have become like family to me now. I told him we can be friends but was clear that it would never turn into anything more. We went for a couple walks as friends, was fun. He then came over to watch a movie. He sat on one couch and I sat on the other. Then he texts me and says “You can sit over here beside me I don’t bite”. Like what the hell! Why could he not just say it, and why would he bother since I made myself clear. Is this creepy? Why did he do that? Anyone shed some light? Do I just say sorry can’t be friends? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cindeehm Posted May 11 Author Share Posted May 11 Ok so… I met a guy online. He mesaaged me first. I told him right away that I was not attracted to him. Sorry if thats shallow but zero physical attraction. He has a funny personality but no. He said we can just be friends and while that usually doesn’t work lol I do have 2 very good friends I met online…same thing, no attraction but they have become like family to me now. I told him we can be friends but was clear that it would never turn into anything more. We went for a couple walks as friends, was fun. He then came over to watch a movie. He sat on one couch and I sat on the other. Then he texts me and says “You can sit over here beside me I don’t bite”. Like what the hell! Why could he not just say it, and why would he bother since I made myself clear. Is this creepy? Why did he do that? Anyone shed some light? Do I just say sorry can’t be friends? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 No, I wouldn't say that this is necessarily creepy. It may be a little pushy or persistent, but as long as he respects your boundaries and doesn't cross any lines, I don't think it's fair to label him as a creep. He may just be hoping that you will change your mind and develop feelings for him eventually. However, if you feel uncomfortable or don't want to continue the friendship, it's perfectly ok to politely let him know that you don't think it's a good idea to continue hanging out. 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 I agree. One awkwardly worded phrase does not make a person a creep. That said, I usually sit on the same couch as a friend if we are watching something so I’m wondering if you’re not that comfortable with him. That said, most people don’t last well in the friend zone. This probably has a limited life anyway. 2 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 The word AWKWARD comes to mind as opposed to CREEPY. I think he really seeks your time and attention 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SweetEscape22 Posted May 11 Share Posted May 11 21 hours ago, Cindeehm said: Ok so… I met a guy online. He mesaaged me first. I told him right away that I was not attracted to him. Sorry if thats shallow but zero physical attraction. He has a funny personality but no. He said we can just be friends and while that usually doesn’t work lol I do have 2 very good friends I met online…same thing, no attraction but they have become like family to me now. I told him we can be friends but was clear that it would never turn into anything more. We went for a couple walks as friends, was fun. He then came over to watch a movie. He sat on one couch and I sat on the other. Then he texts me and says “You can sit over here beside me I don’t bite”. Like what the hell! Why could he not just say it, and why would he bother since I made myself clear. Is this creepy? Why did he do that? Anyone shed some light? Do I just say sorry can’t be friends? It sounds like he wants to be more than your friend, but is afraid to say it and willing to wait and see. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 Creepy no, pushy yes. He's choosing not to hear your knock-back, he thinks if he just persists you'll give in to his charms. Plenty of people take an offer of friendship as so much more and it all just gets embarrassing and awkward. I'd make an effort not to be alone with him again. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 On 5/11/2024 at 3:34 AM, Cindeehm said: Ok so… I met a guy online. He mesaaged me first. I told him right away that I was not attracted to him. Sorry if thats shallow but zero physical attraction. He has a funny personality but no. He said we can just be friends and while that usually doesn’t work lol I do have 2 very good friends I met online…same thing, no attraction but they have become like family to me now. I told him we can be friends but was clear that it would never turn into anything more. We went for a couple walks as friends, was fun. He then came over to watch a movie. He sat on one couch and I sat on the other. Then he texts me and says “You can sit over here beside me I don’t bite”. Like what the hell! Why could he not just say it, and why would he bother since I made myself clear. Is this creepy? Why did he do that? Anyone shed some light? Do I just say sorry can’t be friends? I think inviting him into your space was a fundamental mistake especially as clearly you didn't know him very well. I'd simply just move on. Unfortunately he probably gets rejected a lot so maybe in his mind he saw more to the walking interactions than was actually the case. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) Personally, I would not be inviting a man to my home when I don’t know him well - particularly not when I know that he is interested to date me and I do not reciprocate his interest. Edited May 12 by BaileyB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 On 5/10/2024 at 9:34 PM, Cindeehm said: I told him right away that I was not attracted to him. If you were not attracted to him why suggest going for walks, letting him come over to your place and making this thread about him? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cindeehm Posted May 12 Author Share Posted May 12 Ok obviously you didnt read what I said, or you didnt understand it. HE SAID HE WAS FINE WITH BEING FRIENDS. To me that means friends only only he would respect that boundary. If could not accept being freinds he should have been honest and said that. Don't even try to make ne out to be thr bad one here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 31 minutes ago, Cindeehm said: Ok obviously you didnt read what I said, or you didnt understand it. HE SAID HE WAS FINE WITH BEING FRIENDS. To me that means friends only only he would respect that boundary. If could not accept being freinds he should have been honest and said that. Don't even try to make ne out to be thr bad one here. Inherently "friends" do not work if the one person has any sort of expectation of more and I'd argue that one person will always have expectation even if they do not convey it. Quite possibly he does enjoy your company and while his comment maybe seemed odd it was probably not meant with anything other than humour. My question is, are you going to see him again. What sort of person is he, does he have many friends? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 51 minutes ago, Cindeehm said: HE SAID HE WAS FINE WITH BEING FRIENDS. Were you online looking for friends? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cindeehm Posted May 12 Author Share Posted May 12 No. Ok let me repeat this, it was in my original post. I told him.bot attracted, he said we can be friends No I was not looking for online friends. As I said in my orginal post... I went through thw same thing with 2 other guys years ago. Both said we can be friends, and both respected the boundary. I have been good friends with Larry now for 8 years, and Dave 5 years. Platonic friends only. These 2 men now both have beautiful aldies in their lives and we still remain friends. I thought this guy could be the same as Dave and Larry and respect the boundary and be friends only since he asked. I am not looking to be interrogated here, I was only looking for perspectives from people. Thank you for yours. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) On 5/11/2024 at 11:34 AM, Cindeehm said: He said we can just be friends and while that usually doesn’t work You already know that being friends usually doesn't work and that Dave and Larry are anomalies. So if you go offering friendship to a guy, experience should tell you that there's low chances of it working. In short, you put him in the friendzone and he did what guys who are friendzoned do: he tried to climb out of it Lastly, our boundaries aren't rules for others to follow. Instead they are about what we will accept in our lives. Edited May 12 by basil67 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cindeehm Posted May 12 Author Share Posted May 12 HE asked to be friends, not me. Lmao...our boundaries are rules for others to follow if they respect us otherwise they wouldn't be boundaries. A friend will always repect and honor those,as Dave and Larry have. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 3 minutes ago, Cindeehm said: HE asked to be friends, not me. Lmao...our boundaries are rules for others to follow if they respect us otherwise they wouldn't be boundaries. A friend will always repect and honor those,as Dave and Larry have. At any rate, I've never know a boundary such as "a friend shall not sit on the same sofa as me". Did you actually tell this fellow that one of your boundaries is that you will not share a sofa with him? I always sit next to friends if we're watching TV together, so in my wildest dreams I would not imagine that someone has this boundary. And if you can't imagine that a boundary exists, how you respect it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 14 Share Posted May 14 On 5/12/2024 at 11:34 AM, Cindeehm said: Ok obviously you didnt read what I said, or you didnt understand it. HE SAID HE WAS FINE WITH BEING FRIENDS. To me that means friends only only he would respect that boundary. If could not accept being freinds he should have been honest and said that. Don't even try to make ne out to be thr bad one here. Nobody's a "bad one" here, but like someone else already said - there is no "boundary" that says friends won't sit on the same couch. Most people will sit on the same couch with a friend. I think it's normal. If you're concerned that he is trying to make moves on you, then obviously you two cannot be friends. It's simple, no great loss either, since you're basically just virtual strangers from the Internet. I'm sure you both have plenty of friends that don't require specific furniture boundaries. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted May 15 Share Posted May 15 On 5/11/2024 at 11:34 AM, Cindeehm said: Ok so… I met a guy online. He mesaaged me first. I told him right away that I was not attracted to him. Sorry if thats shallow but zero physical attraction. He has a funny personality but no. He said we can just be friends and while that usually doesn’t work lol I do have 2 very good friends I met online…same thing, no attraction but they have become like family to me now. I told him we can be friends but was clear that it would never turn into anything more. We went for a couple walks as friends, was fun. He then came over to watch a movie. He sat on one couch and I sat on the other. Then he texts me and says “You can sit over here beside me I don’t bite”. Like what the hell! Why could he not just say it, and why would he bother since I made myself clear. Is this creepy? Why did he do that? Anyone shed some light? Do I just say sorry can’t be friends? He might be hoping you'll change your mind Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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