MsJayne Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 46 minutes ago, EvanMich said: I have no authority over him though. You're his friend's father, that makes you someone who he may perceive as socially superior, someone who he looks up to. You're right, authority is the wrong word, replace it with 'power', 'social sway', or 'position of perceived superiority', any of those terms could be applied. I'm wondering why you're even telling a bunch of strangers about it if you don't care about any third party damage to your wife or your kids, and you don't care about the young guy, and you don't seem to grasp the potential for major blow-back in the future. 55 minutes ago, EvanMich said: I think it was a mistake doing it with someone close to my son. You think? 🙄That sentence should have ended at 'mistake'. Perhaps a mental health professional could enlighten you as to what a complete lack of remorse indicates. Maybe they could also help with your wife's depression, though a divorce would probably be an instant fix for that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Then you can go hang out with the college crowd who will prolly mock you behind your back for being the old guy who's trying to be "cool" like them. I think there'll prolly be a lot more being mocked than trying to be cool, and much of it will have to do with being positioned behind an old guy's back. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 Jesus Christ. 18? You do realize that is a borderline crime that you could go to jail for right? You were almost 40 when this guy was born. Look I get being attracted to younger but couldn't you at least find someone in their mid to late twenties or early 30's. Hopefully this is just a fictional story someone is making up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Jesus Christ. 18? You do realize that is a borderline crime that you could go to jail for right? You were almost 40 when this guy was born. Look I get being attracted to younger but couldn't you at least find someone in their mid to late twenties or early 30's. Hopefully this is just a fictional story someone is making up. No in my country age of consent is 16 regardless of age of the older person. It just happened. It's all about looks for me if they are adults. I don't care if they are 18 or 28. I just like them young. Edited May 12 by EvanMich Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) 12 minutes ago, EvanMich said: No in my country age of consent is 16 regardless of age of the older person. It just happened. It's all about looks for me if they are adults. I don't care if they are 18 or 28. Well you should because that is just downright creepy and on top of that an underage person could easily lie about how old they are at that age because some look older than others do. Look I completely get the attraction. When I was 27 I was involved with a lady in her mid 50's. There needs to be a line though that you won't cross. For instance some teachers are attracted to much younger people but they keep that mental barrier in place when it comes to people around the same age as their students. You cheating on your wife is completely secondary to the fact that you don't see a problem with jail bate. Edited May 12 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 2 minutes ago, Sony12 said: Well you should because that is just downright creepy and on top of that an underage person could easily lie about how old they are at that age because some look older than others do. Look I completely get the attraction. When I was 27 I was involved with a lady in her mid 50's. There needs to be a line though that you won't cross. For instance some teachers are attracted to much younger people but they keep that mental barrier in place when it comes to people around the same age as their students. Yeah that's why I ensure they are 18 at least. I don't care if you think it's creepy or anyone else because it's all about how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 9 minutes ago, EvanMich said: Yeah that's why I ensure they are 18 at least. I don't care if you think it's creepy or anyone else because it's all about how I feel. No offense but you sound like you are about two steps away from making a mistake to where your sexual fetishes get you in real trouble. And I don't think you would like the way inmates treat men who have sex with young boys. Link to post Share on other sites
OKtoday Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) I’m not sure where your son can safely land once this word gets out. The embarrassment and humiliation would be overwhelming and I’m not sure how you’d ever overcome this in your friend group, your school and the community. I hope your wife or someone will keep an eye on him and somehow help him live thru this. Edited May 12 by OKtoday Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 11 minutes ago, OKtoday said: I’m not sure where your son can safely land once this word gets out. The embarrassment and humiliation would be overwhelming and I’m not sure how you’d ever overcome this in your friend group, your school and the community. I hope your wife or someone will keep an eye on him and somehow help him live thru this. I don't want it to get out. I will try to keep it a secret while distancing myself from the young guy while trying to end it with my wife and remain on good terms. I think that's the best I can do Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 17 minutes ago, Sony12 said: No offense but you sound like you are about two steps away from making a mistake to where your sexual fetishes get you in real trouble. And I don't think you would like the way inmates treat men who have sex with young boys. I am VERY well aware of how they are treated. It has nothing to do with me. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) 5 hours ago, EvanMich said: I was thinking of giving her option to divorce, but without telling her about the affair. I want to keep it to myself. I don’t think you should tell her. You also don’t “give her the option to divorce,” in that you don’t put the responsibility of making the decision on her. That’s an unkind and unfair thing to do to your spouse, at this point… If it’s your decision to pursue sex outside the marriage, you need to take responsibility and tell her that you have decided to file for divorce. She may be upset but that is preferable to living a life with a man who is not who she thinks he is - Edited May 12 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OKtoday Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 I feel for the 18 boy you had sex with too. It would be one thing if this could remain discreet but gosh, once this type of gossip hits the community, even if he just wanted to try the sexual experience, this will forever follow and impact him and painfully be the talk of the town for years to come. Let’s hope these 18 year olds can live through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 There are a lot of people who prefer to watch young people having sex - the porn industry shows us that. Your preferences are not unusual, but very few people will seek to exploit a young person in the way that you have done. This young man may well be above the legal age, but there is something very disturbing about what you are doing… you know it, or you wouldn’t be concerned about keeping it secret. What you are doing is not socially acceptable, for several different reasons… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 6 minutes ago, BaileyB said: There are a lot of people who prefer to watch young people having sex - the porn industry shows us that. Your preferences are not unusual, but very few people will seek to exploit a young person in the way that you have done. This young man may well be above the legal age, but there is something very disturbing about what you are doing… you know it, or you wouldn’t be concerned about keeping it secret. What you are doing is not socially acceptable, for several different reasons… No. I would want to keep it a secret regardless how old he was. I just don't want to hurt my wife or cause a conflict. I think you are right it's not socially acceptable, and i think that's why I enjoyed it so much. It's taboo definitely. I disagree with the exploiting but though. I seen women posting about having sex with 18 year olds at or near my age (it's one reason why I felt encouradged to post here) but nobody considers that exploitation. I think that's just a gender bias as I am a man hence why it doesn't bother me what people say. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 7 minutes ago, BaileyB said: There are a lot of people who prefer to watch young people having sex - the porn industry shows us that. Your preferences are not unusual, but very few people will seek to exploit a young person in the way that you have done. This young man may well be above the legal age, but there is something very disturbing about what you are doing… you know it, or you wouldn’t be concerned about keeping it secret. What you are doing is not socially acceptable, for several different reasons… In my mind the only difference between people who have sex with underage people and those that go right up to that point are that they are just smart enough to know what the law is to where they won't be spending the rest of their life in jail. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) 6 minutes ago, EvanMich said: No. I would want to keep it a secret regardless how old he was. I just don't want to hurt my wife or cause a conflict. I think you are right it's not socially acceptable, and i think that's why I enjoyed it so much. It's taboo definitely. I disagree with the exploiting but though. I seen women posting about having sex with 18 year olds at or near my age (it's one reason why I felt encouradged to post here) but nobody considers that exploitation. I think that's just a gender bias as I am a man hence why it doesn't bother me what people say. A lot of women enjoy having sex with younger men. But you will find very, very, very few that would do what you did. And likely a good percentage of the ones that do do it with barely legal individuals were getting paid for it. And the majority of the rest have emotional issues. Having sex with jail bait is more of a male activity. Edited May 12 by Sony12 Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 Just now, Sony12 said: A lot of women enjoy having sex with younger men. But you will find very, very, very few that would do what you did. And likely a good percentage of the ones that do do it with barely legal individuals were getting paid for it. And the majority of the rest have emotional issues. Having sex with jail bate is more of a male activity. That's your opinion but I have to disagree based on my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 4 minutes ago, EvanMich said: I just don't want to hurt my wife or cause a conflict. If this was true, you wouldn’t be cheating. You always had the right to end the relationship before pursuing other relationships. You chose not to do that - you have already hurt her… she just doesn’t know it yet. When you attempt to keep it secret, you are seeking to protect yourself as much as you may be attempting to protect her from the truth. But the decisions has been made, if you had any kind of consideration or respect for your wife, you wouldn’t have done what you’ve done. 7 minutes ago, EvanMich said: I seen women posting about having sex with 18 year olds at or near my age (it's one reason why I felt encouradged to post here) but nobody considers that exploitation. I think that's just a gender bias This is an attempt at justification that in unequivocally not true. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 (edited) 19 minutes ago, EvanMich said: That's your opinion but I have to disagree based on my experience. Well no offense but your opinion on this subject is downright borderline predatory. The very fact that you know the exact legal age and you are going right up to that point tells people all they need to know. Edited May 12 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 9 minutes ago, BaileyB said: If this was true, you wouldn’t be cheating. You always had the right to end the relationship before pursuing other relationships. You chose not to do that - you have already hurt her… she just doesn’t know it yet. When you attempt to keep it secret, you are seeking to protect yourself as much as you may be attempting to protect her from the truth. But the decisions has been made, if you had any kind of consideration or respect for your wife, you wouldn’t have done what you’ve done. This is an attempt at justification that in unequivocally not true. How did I hurt her if she doesn't and won't know about it!? That doesn't make any sense. What she doesn't know Can't hurt her. As to my second point. Do some research, and you will see some threads where women were in my situation and how they were treated. It happens just as often as with men but reactions are usually different. I don't care, just pointing it out. Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 1 minute ago, Sony12 said: Well no offense but your opinion on this subject is downright borderline predatory. The very fact that you know the exact legal age and you are going right up to that point tells people all they need to know. I am NOT. I am not going below 18 despite legal age here being 16. There's a big difference here for me. Stop making assumptions because of your bias. Link to post Share on other sites
OKtoday Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 17 minutes ago, EvanMich said: No. I would want to keep it a secret regardless how old he was. I just don't want to hurt my wife or cause a conflict. I think you are right it's not socially acceptable, and i think that's why I enjoyed it so much. It's taboo definitely. I disagree with the exploiting but though. I seen women posting about having sex with 18 year olds at or near my age (it's one reason why I felt encouradged to post here) but nobody considers that exploitation. I think that's just a gender bias as I am a man hence why it doesn't bother me what people say. This is different in that an 18 year old boy trying to figure things out may not want to identify as gay right now in the community and for the rest of his life. Gossip could take away his choices to tell his family or friends when he’s ready or maybe he’ll be straight but the talk will haunt him and future relationships. Were you brave enough to tell your friends and family your sexual preferences or have you hidden it all these years? looks like it was important enough for you to camouflage it behind a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 1 minute ago, OKtoday said: This is different in that an 18 year old boy trying to figure things out may not want to identify as gay right now in the community and for the rest of his life. Gossip could take away his choices to tell his family or friends when he’s ready or maybe he’ll be straight but the talk will haunt him and future relationships. Were you brave enough to tell your friends and family your sexual preferences or have you hidden it all these years? looks like it was important enough for you to camouflage it behind a marriage. Yes some of my friends know. Ones I can trust. Regarding my family, just my cousin knows. I don't go around shoving my desires to people's faces. Most people don't. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 Just now, EvanMich said: How did I hurt her if she doesn't and won't know about it!? That doesn't make any sense. What she doesn't know Can't hurt her. I’m not going to debate with you. You have hurt your wife with your infidelity. Full stop. Anything you say is simply an attempt at justification. It does not change the fact. 5 minutes ago, EvanMich said: It happens just as often as with men but reactions are usually different. Many of the responses in that post are consistent with the responses in this discussion… I’m not sure how you find justification in this post. Link to post Share on other sites
EvanMich Posted May 12 Share Posted May 12 Just now, BaileyB said: I’m not going to debate with you. You have hurt your wife with your infidelity. Full stop. Anything you say is simply an attempt at justification. It does not change the fact. Many of the responses in that post are consistent with the responses in this discussion… I’m not sure how you find justification in this post. How is she hurt? Can you explain that!? And nobody is accusing that woman of exploiting, abusing etc the boy. It's very inconsistent actually and proves my point. Link to post Share on other sites
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