clo Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 My BF and I are going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment. I said mid discussion that I was done with him simply because I was annoyed. He said ok, as if it was nothing. He's very cut & shut like this. He went on a work night out and this morning I came across makeup or tan on his t shirt, in multiple areas of the t shirt. When I asked him about it, he said there was already makeup on the sleeve area and he didn't comment on the rest. I asked him if he did anything and he said no. I asked him if we thought we were together last night given that I said I was done with him. He said he didn't neither, I took this to mean that he didn't think he wasn't in a relationship but he didn't think he was either? I know I should believe him and give him the benefit of the doubt but given that were going through a rough patch, I'm overthinking on the matter of the makeup/tan and his lack of response. Don't know what to think?? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 2 minutes ago, clo said: I said mid discussion that I was done with him simply because I was annoyed. Be careful how you just break up with him at the drop of a hat unless you're serious. If he had said "yes" he thought you were serious about the breakup he would have been perfectly within his rights to be with another woman because you broke up with him. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 6 Author Share Posted May 6 1 minute ago, stillafool said: Be careful how you just break up with him at the drop of a hat unless you're serious. If he had said "yes" he thought you were serious about the breakup he would have been perfectly within his rights to be with another woman because you broke up with him. I know, I'm barking up the wrong tree by sprouting stuff like that. I asked him if we are together or not and he said he didn't know... And that he doesn't want to talk to me at the moment partly because he's hungover but also because he doesn't want to talk to me. We live together and haven't spoken in days, I was also out of the house for a few days. When I came back I didn't go about making conversation well. 😩 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 Where was the makeup located on the shirt? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 6 Author Share Posted May 6 Brown colour that resembles tan/makeup by the stomach area and tan/makeup marks around the shoulder and chest area. He was on a work night out with about 10 people or more. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 6 Author Share Posted May 6 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: Hmmm. Why what does that indicate to you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 1 minute ago, clo said: Why what does that indicate to you? That someone's face was on his stomach. The make up on the shoulder could have come from giving someone a hug, but chest and stomach is suspect. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 Is your "break up" related at all to him telling you that his porn selection is "none of your business"? 1 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 2 hours ago, clo said: I know, I'm barking up the wrong tree by sprouting stuff like that. I asked him if we are together or not and he said he didn't know... And that he doesn't want to talk to me at the moment partly because he's hungover but also because he doesn't want to talk to me. We live together and haven't spoken in days, I was also out of the house for a few days. When I came back I didn't go about making conversation well. 😩 You told him that you were done with him, so he sees no reason not to curl up with another woman. Truly, why should he stay faithful if you told him it's over? All in all, this relationship sounds like it's become so toxic that it's best to end it properly. Free yourself from this misery 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 6 Author Share Posted May 6 1 minute ago, NuevoYorko said: Is your "break up" related at all to him telling you that his porn selection is "none of your business"? Hahahaha!! No. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 6 Share Posted May 6 No need to call in Sherlock Holmes, it's fairly obvious that, like a true gentleman, he took his shirt off and used it to touch up a friend's make-up. Or, it could mean that he responded to your declaration that your relationship's over by finding himself himself a drunk female who trowels on foundation make-up and, very generously, gives random BJ's to guys she just met. Which do you think is more likely? If he took your statement seriously, and considered himself newly single, his response shows that he couldn't care less about you or your feelings, no matter how loving and affectionate he is when he wants something. Is it possible that his lack of regard for your feelings is the cause of your "rough patch"? Or that maybe you're being gradually worn down by being devalued and dismissed by him? I highly recommend dumping him properly and then taking a deep bath in disinfectant. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 Seriously ... it was Friday (3 days ago) that you had the porn disagreement. Between then and now you have told him it's over, he went out and came back with makeup on his shirt. No, you don't have to "give him the benefit of the doubt." You have problems. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 10 hours ago, clo said: I said mid discussion that I was done with him simply because I was annoyed You broke up with him. You realize this, no? It sounds like he found some other female to entertain him that night. He was newly single, by your own choosing. Sorry OP, but you need to watch what you say if you don't mean it. You are learning the hard way why that's important. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 24 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Sorry OP, but you need to watch what you say if you don't mean it. You are learning the hard way why that's important. So much this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 OP, I think that this: 11 hours ago, clo said: the matter of the makeup/tan and his lack of response. is a lesser problem than this: 11 hours ago, clo said: He said ok, as if it was nothing. which is a lesser problem that this: 11 hours ago, clo said: I said mid discussion that I was done with him simply because I was annoyed. which is a lesser problem than this: 11 hours ago, clo said: My BF and I are going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment. I think you should address these four problems in order of importance. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 7 Share Posted May 7 (edited) You also said that you haven't spoken in days. Did he stop speaking before or after you broke up with him? Edited May 7 by basil67 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 On 5/7/2024 at 7:28 AM, basil67 said: You also said that you haven't spoken in days. Did he stop speaking before or after you broke up with him? We had a conversation about our sex life on Thursday which led to me not talking to him for the rest of the evening which led us both to not talk for days. Sunday evening, there was small talk. I said in the moment that I was done with him to which he replied ok back too as if it wasn't a big deal (he's very cut & shut like this) he went on a work night out Sunday evening and Monday morning is when I saw the makeup and tan marks. I asked him if we are together and he said he didn't know. We haven't spoken since Monday. He has been sleeping on the sofa. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 @clo is this how the two of you normally deal with conflict (not talking to each other for days, breaking up mid-argument)? Also, how long have you been together and how long have you been going through a rough patch? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 5 minutes ago, Acacia98 said: @clo is this how the two of you normally deal with conflict (not talking to each other for days, breaking up mid-argument)? Also, how long have you been together and how long have you been going through a rough patch? We have been together since September 2022, live together. Going through a rough patch for one week. We have never went this long without talking. We don't usually fight either but there has been a handful of times where he has been ready for packing his bags. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 It sounds like he's moving on from you and wants to break up. Maybe he's met someone. Are you prepared for a breakup? Can you support yourself? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 Why would I not be able to support myself. It's my house he's living in. Yep I'm prepared for a breakup thank you for checking. I mean nothing suggests he's found someone else but no problem, noted. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 6 minutes ago, clo said: Why would I not be able to support myself. It's my house he's living in. Yep I'm prepared for a breakup thank you for checking. I mean nothing suggests he's found someone else but no problem, noted. I'm glad you're prepared for one. Because it looks like you both want this relationship to end but don't quite know how to end it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author clo Posted May 8 Author Share Posted May 8 Just because I said I was done with him in the moment of being annoyed doesn't mean that I meant it or want it to actually happen so no I don't want the relationship to end. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 30 minutes ago, clo said: Just because I said I was done with him in the moment of being annoyed doesn't mean that I meant it or want it to actually happen so no I don't want the relationship to end. Hm. Maybe you should say what you mean, and do not say things you do not mean. Sounds like you "fight dirty" and it's been working for you up until now. In any case, you have problems with your sex life that lead to stonewalling for days, which clearly signifies that there are serious issues in how you deal with conflicts in your relationship. Now he has makeup on his tee shirt. What are you going to do? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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