LilyWhitegrrl Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 I have always been involved in long-term relationships, for the most part. I was adventurous when I started figuring out what I wanted. Nothing was taboo. I was open-minded and i was all about exploring pleasure. I dell for a guy 2 years younger. We had a very healthy and very extreme sex life. It ended after 12 years because he felt that even though I didn't mind sharing most of the time, he wanted 100%polyamory. We parted ways. Then a 16 years of hell relationship after only being single for a few months. I got pregnant and stayed because of my baby girl. Yhat turned bad and ended really bad. But we communicate due to mutual child I was single almost 2 years and I met a couple of people that I was briefly interested in. It wad a little fun. But only a tease. Then I met the one. The sex was like nothing I could've imagined. And hebcould actually keep up my pace. Things got weird and I got rid of him. Aftter 2 years. Then the monster came out...I was so aroused on a constant level, that it was driving me crazy. I still have the ring that the last person put on my finger. It's in place now, even though he's not here. I keep it on to remind myself I'm not available. Thebquestion lies here...isn't wrong to make it known that I am not looking for commitment at all? I'm not a kid, my kid is now grown up. I want to focus on having fun. I want to explore everything that is presented to me. Nothing is really considered y Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 It's not wrong to tell him that you want a casual relationship, but I'd start by finding out if he's single. You say that you keep your ring on to remind yourself that you're not available....do you mean that you are with someone or that you're emotionally unavailable? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilyWhitegrrl Posted May 4 Author Share Posted May 4 1Nit available in a way of allowing someone that close again. I want to have friends that I can have no strings attached enjoyment with, but no emotional bondage, no obligation, no expectations on either side. The commitment that the ring signifies is to myself. It's not because of fear or any type of negative feelings. Quite the opposite. I want to enjoy the wonders of the flesh and not have to get emotional attachment that's unwanted on either part. I'm a woman that's experienced a lot, but wants even more, all of it in every way. I want to know it all. And I can't do that if another person is attached. I don't want to worry about hurting anyone's feelings or my own. And it's not promiscuity. Not really, it's more about the fun alongside of the journey... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 25 minutes ago, LilyWhitegrrl said: I want to have friends that I can have no strings attached enjoyment with, but no emotional bondage, no obligation, no expectations on either side. This is a contradiction in terms. A friend comes with the expectation that you will hold up your end of the friendship. Perhaps you mean 'F buddy'? I'm sure you'll find plenty on Tinder if you put the request out 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 There are hundreds, THOUSANDS of men who will happily have NSA sex with women. They may not want to have it with married women, so I suggest removing the wedding ring. It's up to you not to get emotionally enmeshed with casual sex partners. If they seem to want more than you want, just move on. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 4 Share Posted May 4 (edited) What you want is not difficult at all. There are thousands of men who would be happy to have any kind of sex you want and would be thrilled that you don't want an emotional connection. Just let them know what you want up front and that could be happening as soon as tonight. I agree about the ring, wearing them makes men think you're committed to someone and won't approach you. Leave it home. Edited May 4 by stillafool Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 8 Share Posted May 8 Nothing's "wrong" as long as you're not hurting other people. If the only aspect of a relationship you're interested in is sex, there's plenty of websites that cater to that and you would find that millions of men would be more than happy to pop around for a quickie and forget your face before they've even closed the front door on their way out. But if you're seeing someone regularly, hanging out with them and having a sexual relationship, and expecting them to tolerate never being anything more than a breathing vibrator, yes, that's extremely selfish, and it's also an indicator that you may have some serious issues with the opposite sex. On 5/4/2024 at 4:52 PM, LilyWhitegrrl said: Then I met the one. The sex was like nothing I could've imagined. And hebcould actually keep up my pace. Things got weird and I got rid of him. If he was The One, you'd still be happily together. You say you "got rid" of him, and that makes him sound like a bag of garbage you took down to the dumpster. Sounds like you have a lot of anger related to previous relationships and are unconsciously looking to take it out on men in general by manipulating them into a situation where you can emotionally hurt them. 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 9 Share Posted May 9 If you want to focus on having fun and exploring, that is completely valid and you should not feel wrong or guilty for it. You're asking if it is selfish to refuse to make a commitment and just engage in no-strings sex? Well, yes, in a way it is selfish...it's your own freedom and individuality that you're putting above someone else's desires. You're single and ready to mingle - you don't owe anyone commitment just for the sake of commitment. You're among the most preferred type of people on the internet. Just look for like-minded individuals who also want to focus on having fun and exploring with no commitments. That 12 year relationship where he wanted 100% polyamory might have put you off monogamy especially considering you're next relationship was 16 years of hell. Obviously I don't know the intricacies of your life, but I have seen this movie play out a lot in real life where regardless of what happened to the partnership, the people involved feel as though parts of themselves are still locked away in the memories of that time and relationship. The ring that "reminds [you] that [you're] not available" is not as a romantic symbol or anything but more as a "penalty phase" thing...like when people go to jail and have to pay damages and "make up" for some bad stuff, that's kind of like having the ring on you. It's the punishment and the cost you bear for having stayed with someone you should have left a long time back and you've accepted that and kept with you to never forget. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 10 Share Posted May 10 On 5/4/2024 at 1:52 AM, LilyWhitegrrl said: Thebquestion lies here...isn't wrong to make it known that I am not looking for commitment at all? No. It's only selfish if you you give someone reason to believe your relationship with them is or might become committed. If you're honest from the first then it's up to the other person to chose whether or not they are interested. What would be selfish would be to be dishonest and lead someone on just to get sex. I think needing to ask the question here and wearing the ring as a reminder indicates ambivalence about what you truly want, and/or having unresolved issues from past relationships. That's what you need to be asking yourself. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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