I (f24) catfished a married man (m34) while I was in a relationship too

[somethinganonymous232]

This is a crazy story and a shitty human beings one at that. We are both shitty so I am going to preface that right now. It’s long, please read everything or it won’t make sense. Hold on for a wild ride…

 

3 years ago on Omegle I met a guy under a specific fetish interest I was embarrassed about. We made hidden anonymous instagram accounts to keep chatting about our fetishes as we both didn't have an avenue in our life to release it. He was a married man with a child, and I could tell his marriage was not great as he was talking to me but he assured me it was up and down. Anyways, I kept talking to him because he was JUST like me and not just with fetishes. Anyways, he was very secretive about many things in his life because naturally I am an internet stranger and how can he trust me? Vice versa.

 

I made up an entirely false identity though, different ethnicity, I used a fake name, semi-famous instagram model pictures (I am not even an unattractive person, just didn't want my fetish to be known), and we had similar sports, workout, kinks, life views, faiths & interests. So naturally we chatted all the time! Most of my stories were real but my identity was beyond fake. He would send me more pics/vids of him so he was more true than I was. He always wanted to video chat but I had excuses, however we would chat on the phone all night sometimes (especially when he worked night shifts or was out of town with his friends). We started to fall for each other and he helped me through a lot of my problems like no one else (it was an emotional bond more than anything). To this day... no one has made me feel this way and he said the same about me (it could have been untrue). Anyways I always assumed he was lying to me about some things too but I didn't care. Anyways, as he was starting to fall harder and so was I. I thought it was time to come clean to him. He was married with a kid, even though I know he has a history of cheating as he explained that to me so he's a shitty human and so am I for what I was doing. I know the feelings were real, but again we were both being shitty. I didn't care if he stayed secretive and still chatted with me if I came clean. I didn't need him to tell me more about him.

 

Anyways I came clean to him, gave him my real instagram about 3 years ago, explained everything and apologized, told him how embarrassed I was and sent a bunch of videos and pictures of the real me. Because honestly I have a very active social life, I'm very extroverted and he is too. I am not the type of person one would think would have to catfish. As a matter of fact, people have used MY pictures to catfish and I have had to report them on instagram. Once I came clean and deeply apologized, this is what he said to all the voice notes, pictures and videos I sent (21 voice notes and like 15 pics/vids). I saw that he opened them all. He responded with this after I came clean. I still have the screenshot: He said: "Honestly I'm not really mad, part of me always new this was possible, and I was still about 30% sure you might not be who you said you are. Makes me wish I would have just shared less personal stuff with you. I listened to and opened everything and really do appreciate all of the honesty (finally)"

 

I apologized more and appreciated him listening to everything. I mentioned that I gave my actual instagram if he ever wants to chat (I had a bf at that time, now I am married too)

 

He said: "So I'm seriously not mad or hold any animosity over anything that has transpired. There have been items that I've been dishonest with you about also, such as my name, actual state I'm in, thing of that nature. More for the privacy aspect in the event something like this would have happened, but more so just with the nature of my job. So it seems we are both very guilty of dishonesty.

 

With that being said, I do believe you took that a bit to the extreme. You went to some very extreme lengths to make up an entirely false identity. And thats pretty hurtful especially since i disclosed a lot of true life events I experienced and confided in you with things I normally wouldn't have with anyone. Even the kink aspects, if you would have just explained that was purely fetish related and what not even long after we had talked I would have understood. I am glad I was able to be here for you in dark times and help give you advice in all the situations you find yourself in, and I appreciate you doing the same for me. As we always talked, I was considering closure on our talking before you even came clean with all of this, and that is and still purely out of me being in a great place and I need to focus on myself and family"

 

I responded to that with a message I said he didn't need to respond to, and he didn't.. he deleted his account. Not just blocked but deleted, I saw that from another one of my accounts. He did tell me he was falling hard basically in love with me but didn't want to say that without seeing me… this was about 4 days before I came clean. Fast forward 3 years and I am happily married now, loving my life. Yet I have never had a connection with anyone like him. We had anonymous Instagram accounts that we deleted so we will never find each other but I did end up giving him my real instagram 3 years ago that I'm not sure if he creeps it. We spoke for about 9 months only and I cannot stop thinking about him. I've even spoken to my therapist about it. A year prior to us speaking, he did see the real me and we video chatted etc. he did find the real me pretty, but it was a 2 day thing that ended quickly due to a weird argument we got into over how much sexual stuff I wanted to show him (understandable, the internet and internet strangers are lawless so I wasn’t mad about it, just thought he was a dick), he wanted more and I didn’t want to. I only realized I was speaking to that same man about 2 weeks into the catfishing. He told the real me he was a single dad but my catfish persona that he was married. I believe the marriage part. So we’re both definitely guilty of dishonesty. I wonder if he still thinks about me

 

**MY IMPORTANT QUESTIONS**

I guess I came to reddit wondering, Why did he not simply just ghost me? I don’t understand why he was even gracious when he could have been creeped out and ghosted. What did he mean by “if you would have explained it was fetish related even long after we spoke I would have understood”? do you think theres a chance one day he will reach out to my instagram I gave or is secretly creeping it and knows I’m in a committed relationship now(it’s public)? do you think he still thinks about me? I would never entertain it but it's just something that calms my mind for some reason. He fell for the women in the pictures not me.

 

Yes we are both pieces of s*** so comments about that are already known and not needed. Its weird and I never thought this would ever happen in my life. He does seem like he was a serial cheater throughout his marriage. No my husband does not know about this kink, neither does his wife but that does not affect my husbands sex life with me. Everything is great, however this is a kink i'd privately masturbate to on my own as again Its not even bad and very common but I still find it strange that i've always had this kink. I miss our emotional connection, we laughed together all night, cried together, even had some arguments that we would resolve in a healthy way. Most of all, we were always in each others corner. He would always tell me he’s in my corner and vice versa. 

 

Thank you! I wish I never had a connection like that with a married man. I really just wonder if he misses me like how I miss him. I know i should not care but I went to therapy for that whole ordeal because it really affected me as it is out of character for me. I AM IN THERAPY AND HAVE BEEN FOR 3 YEARS FOR ANYONE THAT SUGGESTS THAT, probably need better therapy though. 

[NuevoYorko]

This isn't Reddit.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, somethinganonymous232 said:

I guess I came to reddit wondering

Wrong site, girl. 

3 hours ago, somethinganonymous232 said:

Why did he not simply just ghost me? I don’t understand why he was even gracious when he could have been creeped out and ghosted

I don't get what is hard to understand about this. He wanted to say some things, so he did. I guess what you are really asking is if this means he still cared about you, but I don't think that's it. I believe he simply wanted to get some things off his own chest, too. 

3 hours ago, somethinganonymous232 said:

do you think theres a chance one day he will reach out to my instagram

I doubt it. You presented yourself as someone entirely different and that was the person he was attracted to. Not the real you. It doesn't mean the real you is unattractive, but the extent of your lies turned him off. My guess is he's probably got someone else taking up his time now, when he's not with his wife. 

He got a wake-up call and moved on, so I would not torment yourself wondering if he misses you. My sense is that you used this online affair as an emotional liferaft from your own life, but it wasn't exactly the same for him.