bpb2017 Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 I would switch the genders and imagine it that way. If you were interested in a guy romantically would you act the way he does? Judging by your literature I'm guessing you're in the UK. If I were you I would stick with Tinder because of the M.S — everyone on every other app is either on Tinder or goes on-off tinder. Yes many people there are only looking for hookups but many are looking for a relationship, from my experience it's a close 50/50. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 18 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: he has moved to start his new job and has stopped being active on social media Didn't you just say a day ago that he has messaged you again and asked about meeting up? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 30 Share Posted April 30 On 4/29/2024 at 6:55 AM, PeachPalm1 said: He actually messaged me an hour ago with an update of his new job, and asked how I’m doing. So he hasn’t gone completely. He’s asked if I’ll be around soon to hang out What was the update on his new job? When he asked you if you'd be around soon to hang out, what did you say? Did he make a date to see you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted May 1 Author Share Posted May 1 17 hours ago, stillafool said: What was the update on his new job? When he asked you if you'd be around soon to hang out, what did you say? Did he make a date to see you? He phoned me to say he did like me but he’s always been reluctant to get close because if he gets feelings for me, it’s gonna be a whole lot harder for him when he’s got the decision to move back to his home country. I think that maybe explains the hot and cold behaviour. Kinda sad Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 2 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: He phoned me to say he did like me but he’s always been reluctant to get close because if he gets feelings for me, it’s gonna be a whole lot harder for him when he’s got the decision to move back to his home country. I think that maybe explains the hot and cold behaviour. Kinda sad Really? 19 hours ago, stillafool said: What was the update on his new job? When he asked you if you'd be around soon to hang out, what did you say? Did he make a date to see you? You didn't answer these questions? Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted May 1 Author Share Posted May 1 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: Really? You didn't answer these questions? Yeh I got an update. I don’t live locally toll to him right now and I’m going travelling so I’ve said I can’t really see him for a little while 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 You are putting a tremendous amount of weight, inappropriately, on a fairly minor connection. Time to get out of your head about this, stop asking questions of yourself and here that cannot be answered, and move on. Spend your energy on people who are present, including friends and family members. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted May 1 Author Share Posted May 1 18 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: You are putting a tremendous amount of weight, inappropriately, on a fairly minor connection. Time to get out of your head about this, stop asking questions of yourself and here that cannot be answered, and move on. Spend your energy on people who are present, including friends and family members. Hey it’s not a minor connection to me. I live a long way from my family. And live in a rural area so friends are few and far between! So he meant a lot to me. You don’t know me and my life so you can’t say it’s a minor connection. It’s a confusing connection but not a minor one Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 1 Share Posted May 1 3 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: He phoned me to say he did like me but he’s always been reluctant to get close because if he gets feelings for me, it’s gonna be a whole lot harder for him when he’s got the decision to move back to his home country. I think that maybe explains the hot and cold behaviour. Kinda sad Why didn't you ask him why he said he has no romantic interest in you several times and now he's back tracking? I don't believe you, but I hope you find a boyfriend you like. I too, live in a rural area and have lots of friends. Maybe get out and meet people. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 9 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: Hey it’s not a minor connection to me. I live a long way from my family. And live in a rural area so friends are few and far between! So he meant a lot to me. You don’t know me and my life so you can’t say it’s a minor connection. It’s a confusing connection but not a minor one You dated him a little bit, he kept a distance, and then you did not talk to him for TWO MONTHS. This is indeed a fleeting connection. It would have been a healthy choice for you to just let it go. The situation was pretty clearly defined. Instead you've clung onto it like a drowning person to a floating log ... and using it to catastrophise about yourself. Because this one guy was not interested in you unless he felt bored or whatever has NO reflection on who you are or what you have to offer. Your stubborn determination to be attached to the situation like a barnacle does reflect on some things you might want to look at. This is no way to treat yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 On 4/29/2024 at 1:33 AM, PeachPalm1 said: Every single dating scenario in my 20s has ended with the man saying he has no romantic feelings. I don’t get it. I don’t know what I do wrong. I think you’re selecting the wrong type of men. Judging by such statements of yours as this one - On 4/29/2024 at 4:15 AM, PeachPalm1 said: Kinda looked at him and admired him in a way that I thought my future kids if they grew up to me him, I would be proud. - you make choices with your mind, cling to an idea instead of starting with mutual physical attraction and then working your way up from there. Also, you appear to be quite insecure about yourself and have a low self-esteem. You are trying to cling to a meaningless friendship with a guy who is clearly not treating you the way you expect him to. Lack of confidence is not an attractive quality. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 You need to stop analyzing the hot and cold behaviour, OP, and instead work on letting go of this. 12 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: I live a long way from my family I do, too. On the other side of the world, in fact. But that is not a good reason to hang on to something that is not working. You and this man enjoyed some dates but it's not worth clinging on to now. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 On 4/29/2024 at 4:41 PM, PeachPalm1 said: It’s just I pay for hinge, send out dozens of likes a day which results in zero matches bwck. Every day this year. I’ve worked on my profile, lots of nice pictures, me on my travels, mixture of prompts, friends say it’s a good profile… but I get nothing, coupled with this guys behaviour and I worry what’s wrong with me. Hence I worry he’s my last chance. I don’t know what to do, even when I get out and about in my city, don’t meet people Oh my. You sound like ZA Dater😔 Stop this negativity. You want to know what’s not attractive in you? This is not attractive. You should love and respect yourself, not complain about some matches in a stupid online dating app. Why are people even using those? Meet some real people in your real life, communicate, bring good energy and positive vibes into your interaction, don’t expect anything, and you’ll find some real good matches for sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 12 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: Hey it’s not a minor connection to me. I live a long way from my family. And live in a rural area so friends are few and far between! So he meant a lot to me. This is not what “meaning a lot” means. “Meaning a lot” means that you have a full, fulfilling life, you can be alone and still feel good about yourself, and then you meet someone who enriches your life even more. What you’re describing is just you being lonely and needy. Link to post Share on other sites
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