Hurt and feeling quite stupid really…

[NuevoYorko]

I agree, please block him and allow yourself to move on and leave this behind you.

I do suggest that you take a good look at what goes on between you and the men in your life.  Maybe even go back and read some of your past threads.   It seems that you have a pattern where you feel like things are fine, they're going on for a while, and then guy completely ghosts you.  

This situation is like that.

It's possible that you are choosing to remain in denial about negative things that are really going on, preferring to see it as "everything was good and then poof, he disappeared."   

Or maybe when you write here you don't choose to share the negative things that lead up to a "ghosting."

Whatever the circumstances, I'm sure this is a pattern that you do not want to keep repeating.  

[IrinaM]

The fact that he quit his job with no job lined up shows poor character. He doesn't feel like being responsible; he can just rely on you to pick up the slack. It should never have gotten to the point where you told him to move out. He should have either found a new job or chosen to leave and helped you find a roommate to replace him.

I know some people think "it's just money," but that's not my belief. You can tell a lot about a person from their finances. Him mooching off you and effecting your savings is financial abuse.

Please block his number.

[Acacia98]

On 4/16/2024 at 6:18 PM, Cora said:

 I honestly don’t know why he got back in touch with me after the breakup to begin with? 🤷‍♀️. It just brought the pain back for me that I’m now going to have to heal all over again.  

Oh, Cora. You still haven't figured out that this guy is deliberately and consciously manipulating you? 

Asking him to leave was the right thing to do. You weren't making enough money to support both of you. But even if you had been, why would anyone in their right mind be happy to support someone who just unilaterally and irresponsibly decided to quit their job and then was content to spend hours playing video games instead of looking for gainful employment and doing his share of the chores? So you need to stop second-guessing yourself. Your ex was not a helpless little baby, and you were not his mother. He was a grown man with adult responsibilities. He should have made better decisions. Alternatively, he should have taken responsibility for his not-so-great decisions instead of trying to dump it on your shoulders.

I'm guessing you were raised by a domineering parent figure and maybe it wasn't safe to express your feelings and emotions when you were a kid? I say this because you seem to have a hard time believing that you have every right to be angry with this man and have allowed him to manipulate you into being apologetic for moving on after he dumped you. (Yes. He dumped you.) He came back and convinced you you were wrong and your actions were shameful (even though you knew he was wrong) and you even played along where his family was concerned, failing to defend yourself against the accusation of cheating. He would not have been able to achieve that outcome if you hadn't had that particular vulnerability. And that implies that he knows you are vulnerable in that particular way and knows how to take advantage of that to get you to do what he wants. He really isn't a good guy.

I very strongly suspect that on every single occasion when he has ghosted you for lengths of time, he has been pursuing romances with other women or just generally enjoying life in other ways. So the fact that he comes back and tries to make you feel miserable is especially obscene.

You would do well to block this guy completely. If you don't, you will have a hard time moving on. In addition, he will keep coming back to manipulate you in one way or another. It would also be a great idea for you to seek therapy to help you make sense of your actions in this relationship and learn to be more assertive.

Edited April 18 by Acacia98

[Ariadne]

On 4/16/2024 at 12:18 PM, Cora said:

Once he found out I was dating someone new he accused me of cheating.......he was so irate.  I had never seen him this angry before.  Yelling and cursing at me….calling me a no good cheater and worse, punching things, throwing and breaking things. 

Then he gets calm, but very sad….he starts to cry and begs me….litterally gets down on his knees and begging me not to leave him.  Telling me he wants to marry me and how he had already bought the ring and everything.

He said he still loves me and always will, but as far as being in love with me….well all that died when I kicked him out and then preceded to cheat on him. (His words).  He said he could never trust me again and he can’t be with someone he can’t trust.

hey cora

so, have you heard from mr wishy washy again?

 

[stillafool]

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