ExpatInItaly Posted April 12 Share Posted April 12 How much time have you actually spent with this woman in person? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 I suppose something like gofundme is the way to go if you were to raise the funds, If you can spread the word among all your acquaintances and they in turn send on the links to all their contacts it is surprising how much can be generated, Perhaps convincing them of the genuineness of the case is the challenge but if that can be done- well that would seem the route to go in -terms of raising the cash. 2000 people donating 20 each- effectively raises the funds - so I dont know - are there photos of her looking ill and receiving medical treatment- will she make a video which you can share, can you convince would-be donators of the gravity of the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 OP, I wasn’t posting in this thread because I was afraid of giving you inadequate advice. But I’ve been reading it and feeling really bad for you. After reading the replies and getting a better picture of what was going on, I began to have an impression not of malicious schemes and swindling, but of rather severe psychological issues on her side. I’m not picking a cold-blooded gold-digging vibe here, but definitely something strange and disturbing. I have to agree with the others that borrowing money from your mother isn’t the right thing to do now. I’m still afraid of giving you a bad advice, but I feel that the only thing that might prevent you from going completely insane over this is going to Mexico. Just go there and be with her. Convince her that doing the escort job is not only going to ruin her soul, but might outright kill her. Show her the math, make her understand that she won’t even be able to earn the required money by doing this job. Talk to all her Mexican family members and friends, go to Mexican hospitals, fight all the way together with her, try to find a solution together. I’ll be frank, the description of your relationship sounded strange to me. I can’t fathom why neither of you did anything during those four years to move to the partner’s country. But then again, what do I know. I only feel that people who love each other should try to be together in person. I really feel for you. Your suffering is palpable. Again, my advice to go to Mexico and just be with her no matter what might be a piece of crap, but that’s the only one I got. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted April 13 Share Posted April 13 There are several aspects of this that send up big flapping red flags. Some of the main ones: Why OP and the woman have not progressed their relationship Why this has come to such a crisis point when she's already been sick enough to have one bone marrow transplant, which failed (and which a "friend" paid for). It's quite a jump from that point to "I will become an escort." And - OP will have to pay to support the gf's mother so the mother can stay home and take care of the CAT? No. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 14 Share Posted April 14 Do not put yourself into a position where this person can (continue to?) manipulate you financially. There is nothing in print here that suggests the relationship is solid enough to warrant taking the risks being spoken of in this thread. This is the sort of a scenario where someone objectively contemplating the relationship and what it would take to bring it to the next level, would never ever sign-off on what's being discussed here from any of the many angles. And that is the sort of objectivity that is sorely missing from most such considerations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LosingSoul Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 I haven't spoken with her for several days, she's refusing to talk, changed instant messenger privacy settings preventing me from calling. I can message her still, I haven't been blocked. She's decided to break up with me and go ahead with her decision. I've been crying pathetically. Yes a grown man crying. I'll have to accept the woman I plan on having a life with is being used by random strangers. I don't know if she's even going to earn enough, but I don't think there's any coming back in our relationship after this. Or maybe I can be a walkover and beg her back if she's better. Does thinking about doing this make me a disgrace of a man? I still hope she doesn't die, catch anything from those... customers, or get hurt by them. I was at work, my manager asked if I'm planning for a promotion (meager £1000 pay rise in a year and more job responsibilities if I got it) , I just responded with now isn't a good time. When asked to elaborate, I was speechless, just said I'm incompetent. That's what I am in truth. I tried booking annual leave from my night shift job, the one where it's not easy getting time off work. My request was declined. I wanted to fly to Mexico to check if my, to check if she's okay. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 2 hours ago, LosingSoul said: Or maybe I can be a walkover and beg her back if she's better. Does thinking about doing this make me a disgrace of a man? You're not a disgrace, but it's also not a realistic prospect. I am sorry man, but I think this woman is pulling the wool over your eyes. Her story doesn't make much sense and now she's conveniently cut you off. Please, do seek some local support. This woman is not your future, and I am afraid she never really was. You will get better but you first have to let go of this fantasy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 2 hours ago, LosingSoul said: She's decided to break up with me and go ahead with her decision go find some other guy she can scam money from Fixed it for you. We all know that she'll be too ill to be a sex worker, she won't make enough money and the whole thing really doesn't have a ring of truth. Also, grown men do cry. From breakups, to depression, to the death of their dog to a sad movie. I've seen it all and it's all quite normal for men. Crying actually releases stress hormones which helps help a person calm themself 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LosingSoul Posted April 16 Author Share Posted April 16 (edited) The funny part is today I had a lender contacting me approving a loan I previously applied, higher than the offer I previously had. With this plus my credit cards and savings, I have £37,000 out of the £42,000 needed. With my multiple jobs I can save up the rest within 3 months (in theory). I messaged her saying if she sends me proof of her illness, proof she's applied for a visa and willing to come to UK and marry me, I'd help her. It will ruin me financially due to the high interest rate, I'd have to give up a career path, but I'd do it for her . After sending the message, I instinctively deleted it and gave up trying since I suspect she's already doing that job. I'm going to try moving on. It's really difficult letting go. Edited April 16 by LosingSoul Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 14 minutes ago, LosingSoul said: I'm going to try moving on. It's really difficult letting go. You don’t have a choice. She is no longer communicating with you and that is a blessing. It’s time to walk away… The story you tell yourself should not be that you’ve lost the love of your life who is not prostituting herself with other men… That is a torturous story, and it’s likely not even true. There is a lot of learning to be done from this situation. In the future, never allow yourself to be so invested in a relationship such that it affects your mental and financial health in this way again… Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 42 minutes ago, BaileyB said: The story you tell yourself should not be that you’ve lost the love of your life who is not now prostituting herself with other men… Apology, correcting a spelling mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LosingSoul Posted April 17 Author Share Posted April 17 (edited) I mentioned the loan offer to my friend without explaining why I applied for it, he said I'm crazy because it's not a normal loan. It's a pay day loan, normally it's for small amounts, insanely high interest rate intended repaid within 30 days. Somehow this lender approved offering me so much and repaid within 6 years. Add credit card repayment to that, and I'm spending 8 years in total working in multiple jobs like a mule trying to repay it all plus interest compounded instead of further education, improving career etc. She finally replied to my message (not one I deleted, message before it,), only said her cat is sick and she's taking her to the vet. Edited April 17 by LosingSoul Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 OP, please talk to a trusted friend about what is really going on here. You have lost all perpesctive and it's very concerning that you would essentially ruin yourself financially for what sounds like a complete scam, to be totally honest. You are very vulnerable to being exploited and someone whose head is on straight can help guide you. What you really need isn't a loan officer or financial help. You could use a compassionate and experienced therapist who can assist you in untangling your feelings and help you understand why you got so wrapped up in this to begin with. Otherwise, the risk is very high that this will happen again in the future. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 17 Share Posted April 17 12 hours ago, LosingSoul said: The funny part is today I had a lender contacting me approving a loan I previously applied, higher than the offer I previously had. With this plus my credit cards and savings, I have £37,000 out of the £42,000 needed. With my multiple jobs I can save up the rest within 3 months (in theory). I messaged her saying if she sends me proof of her illness, proof she's applied for a visa and willing to come to UK and marry me, I'd help her. It will ruin me financially due to the high interest rate, I'd have to give up a career path, but I'd do it for her . After sending the message, I instinctively deleted it and gave up trying since I suspect she's already doing that job. I'm going to try moving on. It's really difficult letting go. You're trying to bribe her to marry you? 😲 For argument's sake, let's pretend that she's not scamming you. She should marry another because she wants to marry you....not because you've bribed her to do it. Again, pretending that she's not scamming you, You don't know how long it will take to get a visa, You don't even know if the surgery will be effective. You don't know if she will take your money, get the surgery and disappear. Please, please give the full story to your mate who warned you about the payday loan. It sounds like he's sensible and has your back Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts