Should I ask if he is seeing others or just tell him it's best to be friends?

[d0nnivain]

This whole thing strikes me as soooo odd. 

You have been "talking" to some guy for 4 months but only been on 5 dates.  That is a very slow pace.  Given that I don't see where it's realistic to have daily conversations / texts.  

@faithandfood you are on here being annoyed by what you call his "iffy" communications but your response is to play games.  Instead of replying to the message you claim to have wanted, you decided to give him some sort of silent treatment & not respond.  Instead you are going to ghost him & people on here are telling you that is OK.  It's not. 

If you want good communication, you need to give good communication. You wonder if you should tell him you just want to be friends.  You should absolutely not do that.  It would be a lie. You don't want to be this guy's friend.  You want to be in a relationship.  If he's not on that same page there is no need to keep him in your life.  The idea that you would even mention "friends" is poor communication because it's such a misnomer.  You are looking for some non-existent state where you don't have to be the "bad guy" and you are failing to set valid boundaries for yourself.  

Your mother's advice about not seeing this guy on Sunday is equally worthless.  It's more game playing.  Stop.  Learn to be direct. Know what you want.  Expect it.  Don't settle for less & be clear.  All this beating around the bush, cat & mouse, passive aggressive nonsense is what got you only 5 dates in 4 months.   Get the emphasis off daily BS texts & social media stalking & on to something real like how often you see each other in person.  Learn to focus on the quality of the interactions not the quantity. 

Finally in modern dating you always have to assume the other person is multi-dating.  Nobody is exclusive until you both talk about it & agree to only date each other.  Before that discussion both parties are fully free agents, especially off OLD

 

Edited April 10, 2024 by d0nnivain

[faithandfood]

6 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

This whole thing strikes me as soooo odd. 

You have been "talking" to some guy for 4 months but only been on 5 dates.  That is a very slow pace.  Given that I don't see where it's realistic to have daily conversations / texts.  

@faithandfood you are on here being annoyed by what you call his "iffy" communications but your response is to play games.  Instead of replying to the message you claim to have wanted, you decided to give him some sort of silent treatment & not respond.  Instead you are going to ghost him & people on here are telling you that is OK.  It's not. 

If you want good communication, you need to give good communication. You wonder if you should tell him you just want to be friends.  You should absolutely not do that.  It would be a lie. You don't want to be this guy's friend.  You want to be in a relationship.  If he's not on that same page there is no need to keep him in your life.  The idea that you would even mention "friends" is poor communication because it's such a misnomer.  You are looking for some non-existent state where you don't have to be the "bad guy" and you are failing to set valid boundaries for yourself.  

Your mother's advice about not seeing this guy on Sunday is equally worthless.  It's more game playing.  Stop.  Learn to be direct. Know what you want.  Expect it.  Don't settle for less & be clear.  All this beating around the bush, cat & mouse, passive aggressive nonsense is what got you only 5 dates in 4 months.   Get the emphasis off daily BS texts & social media stalking & on to something real like how often you see each other in person.  Learn to focus on the quality of the interactions not the quantity. 

Finally in modern dating you always have to assume the other person is multi-dating.  Nobody is exclusive until you both talk about it & agree to only date each other.  Before that discussion both parties are fully free agents, especially off OLD

 

It’s almost three months. And I do communicate. We usually text everyday and I’m not into game playing. As you can see, he started it first. I talked to him about the inconsistent communication in February and we had a convo & he said he would work on it.

I appreciate the advice. 

[d0nnivain]

43 minutes ago, faithandfood said:

And I do communicate. We usually text everyday and I’m not into game playing.

Texting is NOT communicating.  It's wasting time.   Misusing words like "friend" is also not good communication.  It's a mix message at best.  Ghosting & not agreeing to meet up as "punishment" for his "iffy" communications is the epitome of game playing.  

If you are fed up with the guy say so & be done.  If you want to try to salvage this speak up & tell him what you need:  an in person date at least once per week,  the good morning text if that is important to you.  right now you are railing about iffy communication but doing nothing to disclose your needs.  In fact you are annoyed because he's not reading your mind.