mortensorchid Posted March 31 Share Posted March 31 I have a guy friend named K. He has a girlfriend who he has been with for the last 25+ years. No really. They moved in together long ago. Then they were together for about 10 years and she wanted to get married. He said he wasn't ready. Then she left him for this other guy and moved out - she was gone for two years with this other guy, then she called him and said she made a mistake. He came back, then she moved back into the house with him. No really. They have been together ever since. He told me many times before she moved out for the first time and since she returned for their second go round that he felt that they were not well matched. They don't do things together, they don't seem to have common interests. I stay out of things but I have voiced to him a few times that this is quite sad. Personally I think he can do better than her and he is wasting his time with her. She said she was going to get this certification to be a dental hygienist, she never finished it. She was going to be an airline stewardess, she never finished that either. I have also asked him that since they had been together for all these years and she is obviously the woman that he has chosen to be his life partner, why don't they get married? He said he's not ready for it. After 25+ YEARS he's not ready for it?!?!? He said he thinks she would be very happy if he asked her to marry him but he's not going to anytime soon. I stay out of it. What do others think? AM I wrong to think that this is so bad? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 31 Share Posted March 31 I agree, it's a s****y way to treat someone. He obviously knows how important it is to her to get married, so you have to question why he keeps her in his life. You also have to question why she came back to him for more devaluation, because that's what's going on between them. If he doesn't want to marry for spiritual reasons, fair enough, but when it smacks of closet misogyny, a way of needling the woman, it's all kinds of wrong. By refusing to marry her he's letting her know he doesn't value her highly, and it also highlights their incompatibilities. I'd like a dollar for every time I've seen this same dynamic in a relationship, I think it says a lot about a guy's character and women should run from them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 31 Share Posted March 31 She made the right choice the first time moving out. He's just coasting along playing house because unfortunately she moved back in Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 You say that you "stay out of it" but it sounds like you're not really staying out of it. Why make a post about someone else's life? There's nothing you can do about it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted April 1 Author Share Posted April 1 2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: You say that you "stay out of it" but it sounds like you're not really staying out of it. Why make a post about someone else's life? There's nothing you can do about it. Absolutely there is nothing I can or cannot do to change things for either of them. If I could do so I would do so but I can't. I just wonder why it is that people are in these holding patterns when I have seen others just cut ties and bounce from one to another to another to another. She settled for him and he doesn't think he can do any better (or won't try to) than her. He probably doesn't want to be bothered with trying to find someone else at this point in life. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: I just wonder why it is that people are in these holding patterns Because it's not bad enough to leave. If marriage was really that important to her, she wouldn't have come back Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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