Asm Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 My partner and I are on a break for a few months, and we agreed to see others during this time. We have been making progress on mending our relationship and were hoping to reconcile soon. Last week, he called me to announce that he accidentally got a woman pregnant. While the prospect of having a stepchild isn't something I am looking forward to, I understand that life can be messy, so I decided to support him while he's dealing with the issue. A few days afterward, he announced he accidentally got two other women pregnant. He admitted that he had unprotected sex with five women in 10 days. He's still hoping we can reconcile, but I wonder if I should end my relationship with him. I feel uneasy about this situation because he had unprotected sex with five women in 10 days. He risked getting/transmitting STIs. For his defense: - He was tested recently and had a clean bill of health before having sex with woman #1. - He used his "foolproof pulling out technique," which never got anyone pregnant despite having lots of unprotected sex with his girlfriends over four decades. - He was dumbfounded that after never having gotten anyone pregnant, he got 3 women pregnant in 10 days even though he didn't cum inside them. - He was kind to the three women, offered to accompany them to doctors' appointments, cover abortion costs if they decided to go that way and support the child if they chose to keep it. - He is usually a serial monogamist. But when he's not in a committed relationship, he can be a polyamorous man who practices safe sex. - He has never cheated in any of his long-term, serious, monogamous relationships. - He has consistently practiced full disclosure in his communications with me, even when it behooves him to omit the truth. For instance, since two of the women aborted their pregnancies, I would have never known about them, but he revealed their existence. - Since we were on a break, he had obligation to be sexually faithful to me. - He apologized for his behavior and said he learned from his mistake and never plans to repeat it. I consider myself a sex-positive person, but I feel extremely uneasy about this situation, and every instinct is telling me to run away and not look back. He claims that this behavior doesn't reflect who he is, that he made a once-in-a-lifetime mistake, and that I am being too harsh to judge him based on that data point only. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 Please don't settle for married men and irresponsible men who bring nothing but headaches, headaches and unnecessary drama to your life because they can't keep their pants zipped. You can do much better than this man. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 I certainly understand your concern over this, but what about the bigger picture? Why were you on a break, and what was wrong with the relationship that it needed mending in the first place? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Asm Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 31 minutes ago, basil67 said: I certainly understand your concern over this, but what about the bigger picture? Why were you on a break, and what was wrong with the relationship that it needed mending in the first place? He was still married to his soon to be ex-wife (but already separated) when I met him. The situation put too much pressure on our relationship and we agreed to go on a break while he works on his divorce. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 3 hours ago, Asm said: I feel extremely uneasy about this situation, and every instinct is telling me to run away and not look back. You have good instincts. Listen to them. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 My goodness me, what a fertile and busy rooster. Whether there's a pregnancy or not, I can understand why you're uneasy. I'd be questioning the intelligence of a middle-aged man who got one random woman pregnant, let alone three. I say run. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 How is running around having reckless unprotected sex "working on his divorce"? Please allow this to be a wakeup call. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 17 hours ago, Asm said: He was still married to his soon to be ex-wife (but already separated) when I met him. The situation put too much pressure on our relationship and we agreed to go on a break while he works on his divorce. I think you're better off just letting this guy go. The more you say about him, the clearer it is that he doesn't understand how to lay the foundation for a healthy long-term relationship. When you started the break, he was still married. Now he's still married (I think?) and also has three little ones on the way. Now think back to how complicated the still-married situation made things for you. Having to deal with three baby mamas is going to be way more complicated than that. And it's gonna be for the long haul. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 Let him go. By the time he gets through paying child support for 3 children for the next 18-20 years, you won't have anything. This man is totally irresponsible, and it sounds like he was really enjoying the break. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 Wow… unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. How could he not be a responsible person and use a condom? I thought all young men used one now - to protect even themselves. I hope you don’t have sex with him again. It would put you at risk. you should end it. He’s irresponsible and all his money will go to supporting his three kids. He needs to get smart. sex only with protection. Even if a gal “says she is using birth control”! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 On 3/28/2024 at 1:24 AM, Asm said: He was still married to his soon to be ex-wife (but already separated) when I met him. The situation put too much pressure on our relationship and we agreed to go on a break while he works on his divorce. You realize this a load of BS, right? He wasn't "working on his divorce" at all. He was having sex with lots of other women, apparently. This guy is gross. Put him behind you. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 29 Share Posted March 29 On 3/27/2024 at 4:50 PM, Asm said: I feel extremely uneasy about this situation, and every instinct is telling me to run away and not look back. I think this is a wise decision. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 30 Share Posted March 30 On 3/27/2024 at 5:50 PM, Asm said: - He used his "foolproof pulling out technique," I think you will be the joke of your entire town, your entire family, friends, co-workers if you keep this man. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Esteban Posted March 30 Share Posted March 30 End this relationship, it's hard to see this ending well for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted April 1 Share Posted April 1 On 3/30/2024 at 4:33 PM, Esteban said: End this relationship, it's hard to see this ending well for you. Plus, this is very reckless behavior combined with poor judgement to say the least Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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