zaira7777 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Anybody who reads all my text.. Thank you in advance. I am awaiting for any input. So i ve been in a relationship for 2.5 years now. 4 months ago i met a guy (33 years old) in a group of friends . He hit on me and almost 2months ago i gave in. My relationship was not going very well, however i usually feel guilty of course. So let's call this new guy A. I am a woman by the way. So A always said how he is not monogamous and how he does not want to be many times with one woman. However, throughout these 2 months we have been meeting and having a very good sexual life, he showed signs of jealousy towards me talking to other men. He then asked me to not have any physical relationship with other men and that he does not want to have any other women too. So, a few times, without really notifying me, he would think about ending our connection because, as he claimed, he started developing feelings towards me and he did not want that. However, i insisted and really almost begged to see him again and we did see each other. I don't think i am in love but i really liked this person, not only in the physical and sexual way, but also i admire him a lot and respect what he has been through. This person has been through a lot with his family, they all treated him horribly, and he managed to survive. He is rich now and kinda workaholic. He does not want to see me any other day except weekends . So around three weeks ago, i persuaded him to come see me on a Wednesday night . During the night he started acting weird towards me, because i was expressing some complaints that i have regarding the way he treats me, which sometimes is dismissive and disrespectful. His reply was ' shut up and come and let me f...k you' ...we had intercourse without protection. After this intercourse,i understood something changed. He became more intimate with me . Then, some days after,he said it himself that he felt like having intercourse without a condom made him feel like he was connecting with me on a deeper level. So, this happened almost two weeks ago. And during these two weeks, he had a better behaviour towards me. He would call me more often, he was more tender etc. He also agreed to take me on an one day trip next Saturday (in 4 days), something he almost never does. So this takes us to previous Saturday. Today is Tuesday. On Saturday we met and when he saw me he told me how beautiful i looked and we had physical contact. We talked, listened to music,all good. On Sunday, we went to eat and he told me that he did not have a problem with me having intercourse with other guys, opposed to what he said other times before. I don't know if he meant it or he said it to test me or because he did not want me to feel trapped because of him and his difficult schedule . Anyway, the same night, i confessed to him that i really respect and admire him, that i will hardly forget him when we are done and that i am not lying to him and not playing games. I also told him that i do not want to be with anyone else. He told me that he feels that our connection and the fact that we met is not random, he told me he feels the same and that he thinks i am the smartest woman he knows. He told me that he would like to talk to me even when things end, because attraction always ends. So he shared some really private experiences he had in the past and i did the same. Then i wanted to have physical contact with him but he turned me down because he was sleepy. I said ok and took him to bed and i caressed him because he really adores my caressing. It is the only thing i know for sure. Anyway, monday morning he has to go to the city centre and do some work. He also had to meet his dad, who he was really has a bad relationship with . I told him for fun to take me with him to meet his dad and he said no. Then i told him i did not mean it and i just wanted him to take me with him to the city centre so that i meet my mom. He did that and some hours after he picked me up. He took me to my home and said he would go to his own place and do some paperwork and then come back to me. I told him to take me with him cause i was bored , he laughed and said no, i playfully said no im not leaving but anyway in the end he left me and told me that he will come later. He also agreed to not eat so that we eat together. This happened around 12 noon. At 13.17 he sent me a short video on why inequality is a good thing sometimes. I did not respond. Until 6 pm, he still did not call me, so i did . No reply... Some time after, i called again. Again no reply. In the meantime, he would be active on Viber. I texted him this : "heyyy what is this ghosting? 😆 Call me so that we arrange what's going to happen ". Again, he read it and did not reply. I called twice more without success. Then i sent him two voice messages telling him that this is not right behaviour and that i worry about him, if he is alright or not ( he has some psychological trauma i think and every time he intensely thinks about his past memories of his family,he gets some redness and pimples... This day he had a fight with his dad so i assumed this might have happened again) . So i stopped communicating at around 9 pm without reply from him. Ok so around 21.37 he texted me: "i am ok baby don't worry.we will talk tomorrow." I have been waiting for him for more than 6 hours, he would read my texts and see my calls and not reply. And when he finally decided to text me something, he did not even apologize for this behaviour, he just said what i told you. I felt so stupid and ghosted. I didn't even open the message and of course didn't say anything. One day he says how much he respects me and the other day he treats me like garbage. Doesn't respect my time and the fact that i have been waiting for him all day. Even if something happened, couldn't he just text me that he will not make it? I felt really sad and rejected ... And worst thing is, i really want him to want me and i really still want him to meet me . He said we will talk today, obviously on the phone... I dont know if he will call me. I am not going to call him. I want your opinion on the situation. Dont tell me to talk to him, it is something i have done and as you see doesn't work . One last example i forgot to mention: two days before, we were speaking on the phone with a female friend i have. A was next to me and also speaking to her. So at some point, she said she is in love with a guy and the guy is in love with her. Then A said: so that makes 4 of us. ( In other words he kinda said he is in love with me). ... And then he acted like this... Please say your honest opinions to me and help me handle the situation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Um, aren't you also in a relationship with another guy? A told you in the beginning that he is not monogamous, that attraction wears off and you could see other guys if you want. He was not kidding but telling you who he is. Now it sounds like the shine of the relationship is wearing off for him and he's doing what he's probably always done which is lose interest and moves on to someone else. It would be wise to break up with your bf of 2.5 years because you don't love him, and free yourself to meet a guy you do love who won't play with your emotions. Though I must say, nothing good comes from cheating, as you will find out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Are you in an open relationship with either of these men? You seem to want more than F buddies with guy #2 but that's all he's offering. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 So you are doing the dirty on your boyfriend with this guy, who is openly sleeping with other women, gets closer to you only after you let him have unprotected sex with you, and you are confused that he is getting into conflicts with you and is unreliable, what? You both sound like disasters to be honest. You are both acting shady and are trying to turn this shady affair into a stable relationship. Either accept it's going to be volatile or do the decent and sensible thing and move on from both your boyfriend and this guy. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Break up with your BF. You are giving the guy giving you the run around more consideration that your own BF, who you are cheating on. The guy in question wants what he wants, period. He doesn't give a flying fig about what you want & he never will. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 Sweet Jesus. What a hot mess. End your relationship with your BF and then worry about this guy. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 This guy isn't falling kinda in love with you...Ever hear of love bombing? It's a form of manipulation to control you to get what they want. That's his game to convince you to have unprotected sex. He says the same thing to all those other women he's plowing through. As for your BF just let him go...poor guy. How would you like it if the love of your life was sexing it up for months behind your back? It hurts man. Have some empathy. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author zaira7777 Posted March 26 Author Share Posted March 26 thank you for your replies... ok if im shady im shady. but this man, had sex with me either way. i did not ask for any commitment. he made a bunch of weird scenes when some guy would talk to me or show interest. he looked me in the eyes saying so many good things about how he wanted me and also shared secrets about his personal life. and one day after, he ghosts me? sorry if i cant stand the pain. and ofc i will not contact him but pain is unbearable at times. how can somebody lie like this. u all seem to think it is a given. people lie like that. thats absurd. anyway... still no contact from him. so i guess yall right. im a pushover. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 19 minutes ago, zaira7777 said: thank you for your replies... ok if im shady im shady. but this man, had sex with me either way. i did not ask for any commitment. he made a bunch of weird scenes when some guy would talk to me or show interest. he looked me in the eyes saying so many good things about how he wanted me and also shared secrets about his personal life. and one day after, he ghosts me? sorry if i cant stand the pain. and ofc i will not contact him but pain is unbearable at times. how can somebody lie like this. u all seem to think it is a given. people lie like that. thats absurd. anyway... still no contact from him. so i guess yall right. im a pushover. Given how he's acted in your whole story it's not exactly surprising, the guy seems about as far away from boyfriend material as you can get. And what about the terrible pain your boyfriend would be in if he found out about all of this, have you considered that? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 26 Share Posted March 26 It's pretty clear what this guy is all about. "His reply was ' shut up and come and let me f...k you 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It's pretty clear what this guy is all about. "His reply was ' shut up and come and let me f...k you It's incredible how blind infatuation can make people to the obvious. "I can change him". Yeah right. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 18 hours ago, zaira7777 said: u all seem to think it is a given. people lie like that. thats absurd. The mom talk: and what things you say to your BF when he asks you what you have been up to when you were with this dude? Lies I'm sure. Say what he expects you to say to cover your tracks. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted March 27 Share Posted March 27 On 3/26/2024 at 7:53 AM, zaira7777 said: Please say your honest opinions to me and help me handle the situation. Your bf deserves so much better. Please be honest with him and set him free so he can find a gf who actually cares about hm. As for the new guy, I am not sure what you expect from someone who told you from the outset that he's not interested in a serious relationship. Overall, though, no decent guy is going to want a relationship with a girl who is cheating on her bf. Even if A decided he wants a relationship, it won't be with you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author zaira7777 Posted March 28 Author Share Posted March 28 stop mentioning my bf. the first i ever kissed the other guy, we broke up with my bf. i told both of them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 3 hours ago, zaira7777 said: stop mentioning my bf. the first i ever kissed the other guy, we broke up with my bf. i told both of them. That's good but that is not what your original post said, In the original post you talk about your BF in the present tense & did not say that you two broke up. That is why everyone keeps telling you that step one is break up with your BF. The original post reads like you are cheating on him. That said, the new guy doesn't want to be your new BF. He's happy with NSA attached sex / meetups on his terms. He's not interested in what you want, compromise or a relationship. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted March 28 Share Posted March 28 13 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: That's good but that is not what your original post said, In the original post you talk about your BF in the present tense & did not say that you two broke up. That is why everyone keeps telling you that step one is break up with your BF. The original post reads like you are cheating on him. That said, the new guy doesn't want to be your new BF. He's happy with NSA attached sex / meetups on his terms. He's not interested in what you want, compromise or a relationship. Yep, "So I've been in a relationship for 2.5 years now", that seems pretty clear. Maybe English isn't OPs first language but you can see how that would be misinterpreted. Either way I agree, none of his actions suggest he would be a good partner or has any intention of being one. When it comes to someone this volatile I'd say you probably got off lightly just being ghosted. My guess is he does this kind of thing a lot with a lot of women. Take the time to dust yourself down, get over it and re-assess your priorities. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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