lw712856 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 I've been married for ten years. My husband has had his most recent job for 3 years now. We both work but he brings in the majority of the income. We have 3 kids and I'm only able to work part time because I have a toddler who needs me. Recently we were really struggling with our finances. We had a negative amount in the bank during winter because his work had cut back. Now that winter is over he has been calling off at least once a week or every other week. Knowing we need every penny we can get, he still continues to call off for stupid reasons. Stomach ache, headache, pulled muscle. I'm so tired of it! He's going to lose his job if he keeps it up and then we'll really be stuck. I do everything and get no credit for it. I make sure bills are paid, I do everything for the kids, take them to appointments, go to school events, cooking, cleaning, laundry, scheduling and planning everything, anything you can think of I'm the one who does it. I walk on eggshells every day not knowing what kind of mood he'll be in. Sometimes he's Prince charming, other days he calls me a narcissist and wants to leave me. He's the moodiest person I've ever known. When he goes to work he gets home and complains saying he has no life, all he does is go to work then come home and do nothing. How is that my problem though? I told him to pick up a hobby, go hangout with friends, I'm not stopping him but yet he tells me I made him that way. Maybe he is depressed so I told him to go to the doctor but he won't! What should I do??!! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Has he had a physical? If he's really in pain forcing him to go to a heavy job may be making things worse. I suffer from depression & call off work a lot too. Sometimes my anxiety has physical manifestations like headaches & stomach aches. Something is upsetting your husband but isn't being addressed. Instead of being mad at him try asking him what would make him happy. Maybe you can try a role reversal where you become the primary breadwinner & he stays home to be Mr. Mom. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Perhaps if you encouraged him or let him know its ok if he wanted to change jobs or undertake a different path, obviously the financial situation may make that impractical- but maybe if gets a sense of more empathy from you in terms of not enjoying his work- well that might trigger a more positive outlook from him, Hes probably feeling the same worries about finances and is sensing your stresses which are adding to his anxiety, maybe say its ok if he cuts back one day a week on work or something - it might help create more harmony again in the household. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted March 22 Share Posted March 22 19 hours ago, lw712856 said: What should I do??!! That’s a tough one, because there is only so much that you can control… and, you don’t control him an any way. Whether he is depressed or whether it’s the stress of the financial difficulties you are experiencing and the fact that he is the primary breadwinner - it’s difficult to know what it is exactly. That said, he sounds profoundly unhappy. I would be very worried about him and I would strongly advise him to seek help - starting with his physical and/or marriage counselling. I’m sorry, there is no easy answer here and I know that it’s very, very hard. The last thing that I will say is if his behavior becomes emotionally abusive, you may need to remove yourself and your children from the situation for your own well being. If you have the ability to find an individual counsellor for yourself, that may be the single best decision that YOU could make. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
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