Lunarb Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 I'm not getting what I want in love from him anymore. We have only been together for half a year. He has changed after the honeymoon period. I still love him a lot. And I'm sure he still loves me. But he's not doing enough. I'm always the one asking to meet to talk to hold hands. I hate that version of me. He's not doing zero, but just not enough. When he's doing things for me, it's great. I have talked to him. He'd step up, change a bit, and then another disappointment. I found that when I think about him I want to cry instead of feeling loved. What should I do? I want to be happy with him. I don't want to lose him. But when is it time to stop getting disappointed? (If you are interested in reading more..↓↓) We live an hour away. He'd come visit and spend nights. But he's less willing not now. We exchanged Xmas presents. It was a very thoughtful gift. I haven't received a valentine's present. All we did was pancake breakfast at a cafe. Sent him a message saying I was very down. He replied the next morning and offered a call at night. I didn't reply, he didn't even text to check me out. I don't know how to get back to where he'd treat me better. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 (edited) He's a great guy, sure. But maybe not for you. He replied to your message, but you ignored his offer for a call. He didn't check on you because he probably thought you didn't want to talk. It's okay to love someone, and also realize that they may not be the right person for you. You deserve to be happy and in a relationship where you feel loved and valued. Don't settle for anything less. Edited March 21 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 2 hours ago, Lunarb said: I'm not getting what I want in love from him anymore. We have only been together for half a year. He has changed after the honeymoon period. I still love him a lot. And I'm sure he still loves me. But he's not doing enough. I'm always the one asking to meet to talk to hold hands. I hate that version of me. He's not doing zero, but just not enough. When he's doing things for me, it's great. I have talked to him. He'd step up, change a bit, and then another disappointment. I found that when I think about him I want to cry instead of feeling loved. What should I do? I want to be happy with him. I don't want to lose him. But when is it time to stop getting disappointed? (If you are interested in reading more..↓↓) We live an hour away. He'd come visit and spend nights. But he's less willing not now. We exchanged Xmas presents. It was a very thoughtful gift. I haven't received a valentine's present. All we did was pancake breakfast at a cafe. Sent him a message saying I was very down. He replied the next morning and offered a call at night. I didn't reply, he didn't even text to check me out. I don't know how to get back to where he'd treat me better. It’s hard to understand what exactly you find disappointing in him. From your description he sounds like a normal, nice guy. Could it be that you’re demanding too much? Nobody likes to be constantly criticized. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 Try to step back so he can step up. Right now you're steering the relationship so he can coast along. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 You're not getting what you need You spoke to him and he changed a fraction of a second and turned back to his old ways. Yes it's time to breakup This is 6 months and it's not working for you, there is nothing to save here. It's just dating. Next time find a local man that can see you as much as you'd like. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 This soon into dating for him to put in such love effort is a very bad sign. I think the relationship has run its course for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 On 3/22/2024 at 1:56 AM, Gebidozo said: It’s hard to understand what exactly you find disappointing in him. From your description he sounds like a normal, nice guy. Could it be that you’re demanding too much? Nobody likes to be constantly criticized. He never plans for dates despite I asked him to. He did nothing for me on valentine's day. Not even chocolate. Despite I took him to an overnight trip and booked a nice hotel for his birthday, and told him I have bought him Valentine's present. I flew home coz both my parents got sent to the emergency room. He didn't ask a word. I was crying the other day, he promised to call, and just sent me a message that he's tired and going to sleep. What should I expect from a boyfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 On 3/22/2024 at 12:11 AM, Alpacalia said: He's a great guy, sure. But maybe not for you. He replied to your message, but you ignored his offer for a call. He didn't check on you because he probably thought you didn't want to talk. It's okay to love someone, and also realize that they may not be the right person for you. You deserve to be happy and in a relationship where you feel loved and valued. Don't settle for anything less. That you are correct in he was offering a call. Thanks for the inspiration. He called, very unwilling to focus on the call (he usually calls when he's eating, brushing his teeth etc). I told him my frustrations, cried. He said he will reply tomorrow night The next night, he texted me saying "sorry for last night. I have to wake up early tomorrow so I'm going to bed. Goodnight". Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 He seems lazy and indifferent. There's no reason to put up with that. Set yourself free to find someone who wants what you want. Please try not to overinvest this much in men who don't seem to care about you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 On 3/22/2024 at 5:10 AM, Wiseman2 said: Try to step back so he can step up. Right now you're steering the relationship so he can coast along. I tried. That's how we moved from him calling me every night (not that I asked for) to not calling at all. He'd call to ask me to do things for him. 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: He seems lazy and indifferent. There's no reason to put up with that. Set yourself free to find someone who wants what you want. Please try not to overinvest this much in men who don't seem to care about you. Thank you. I just so love him and gotta admit I haven't been dating for years and become so lonely. My last relationships last for years and I don't know how to react to guys who change so fast. He was great and affectionate at first. I felt so loved. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 (edited) On 3/22/2024 at 1:21 AM, Lunarb said: We live an hour away. He'd come visit and spend nights. But he's less willing not now. We exchanged Xmas presents. It was a very thoughtful gift. I haven't received a valentine's present. All we did was pancake breakfast at a cafe. For context, how often do you go and spend nights with him? I think a pancake breakfast for V Day sounds lovely. But perhaps you bought him a really thoughtful gift and thought he'd have one for you? Just wondering how mismatched your efforts are Edited March 23 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 2 hours ago, Lunarb said: He never plans for dates despite I asked him to. He did nothing for me on valentine's day. Not even chocolate. Despite I took him to an overnight trip and booked a nice hotel for his birthday, and told him I have bought him Valentine's present. I flew home coz both my parents got sent to the emergency room. He didn't ask a word. I was crying the other day, he promised to call, and just sent me a message that he's tired and going to sleep. What should I expect from a boyfriend? I see. Sorry this happened. People have different expectations from their partners, so it’s really hard to say what you should or shouldn’t expect. It’s more about both partners discussing their needs and trying their best to fulfill them. To me personally, the lack of concern and consolation would be a big deal, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 2 hours ago, Lunarb said: That you are correct in he was offering a call. Thanks for the inspiration. He called, very unwilling to focus on the call (he usually calls when he's eating, brushing his teeth etc). I told him my frustrations, cried. He said he will reply tomorrow night The next night, he texted me saying "sorry for last night. I have to wake up early tomorrow so I'm going to bed. Goodnight". At least he said sorry. I know a couple where a similar situation happened, the wife cried and asked for consolation, the husband just brushed her off rudely and never apologized. It can become a serious issue. But as long as he is sincerely saying sorry, there is hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 9 hours ago, basil67 said: For context, how often do you go and spend nights with him? I think a pancake breakfast for V Day sounds lovely. But perhaps you bought him a really thoughtful gift and thought he'd have one for you? Just wondering how mismatched your efforts are He knows that for some specific reasons I can't be away from home much. At first it was 100% he comes over but then I go sometimes too. For his birthday I planned and booked an overnight trip at a hotel with dinner buffet and an upgraded room, plus bought him birthday presents. He knew that I was going to buy him Valentine's present and he still didn't even plan for the day, didn't even buy me chocolate (well I was expecting a present, anything he uses his heart to choose for me). Indeed he almost never make plans for dates. He'd but his clients flowers but I never get anything... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 8 hours ago, Gebidozo said: At least he said sorry. I know a couple where a similar situation happened, the wife cried and asked for consolation, the husband just brushed her off rudely and never apologized. It can become a serious issue. But as long as he is sincerely saying sorry, there is hope. True. At least he said sorry. A guy leaving me crying alone is a big deal to me. Should I not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 I want to say thank you to everyone replying to this thread. It has been a difficult night/day for me. I'm still mad like hell, sad and crying. I have no one to talk to but you all kept me company and gave me perspective. I sent him a long angry text in the morning and he has not replied. I wasn't able to do anything (it's my day off today) but be sad in my bed.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 52 minutes ago, Lunarb said: I sent him a long angry text in the morning and he has not replied. Ugh. You could not have picked a worse medium to convey your frustration. Texting is for short uncomplicated messages: pick up milk; I'm running late, love you etc. It is a terrible way to express complex feelings You have to be prepared for him to not respond to an angry text. It's much easier for him to simply ghost rather than deal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 23 Author Share Posted March 23 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Ugh. You could not have picked a worse medium to convey your frustration. Texting is for short uncomplicated messages: pick up milk; I'm running late, love you etc. It is a terrible way to express complex feelings You have to be prepared for him to not respond to an angry text. It's much easier for him to simply ghost rather than deal. Yeah he didn't call tonight, despite he said he would., again. Text wasnt a good choice. I was/am just so mad and sad. Why can he just deal with me when he wants to, and leave me crying alone? I had the feeling that he didn't feel how serious this is. I thought he'd call back tonight anyway. He didn't. If he chooses to ghost me I dont mean that much to him anyway right? I do love him, but I don't want to beg him to love me if he doesn't care. I don't want to break up but if he doesn't work up for us I'm just brone to be disappointed and sad again? I dont know what to do. Maybe there's nothing I can do anymore ? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 Unfortunately he just deal with you when he wants to, and leave you crying alone because you tolerate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 1 hour ago, Lunarb said: I dont know what to do. Maybe there's nothing I can do anymore ? There's nothing left for you to do as you've already done it. Either he cares and will reach out to talk, or he may just ghost and move on. He does sound like he's losing interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 9 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately he just deal with you when he wants to, and leave you crying alone because you tolerate it. How do I not tolerate it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lunarb Posted March 24 Author Share Posted March 24 8 hours ago, stillafool said: There's nothing left for you to do as you've already done it. Either he cares and will reach out to talk, or he may just ghost and move on. He does sound like he's losing interest. We were supposed to meet tonight/tomorrow. Should I text him to meet? If we are breaking up I want to be in person anyway Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 37 minutes ago, Lunarb said: We were supposed to meet tonight/tomorrow. Should I text him to meet? If we are breaking up I want to be in person anyway Could you give us a broad idea of what you wrote in the text? Is it possible that he feels that the text itself was so explosive that there's nothing left to say? Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 15 hours ago, Lunarb said: I want to say thank you to everyone replying to this thread. It has been a difficult night/day for me. I'm still mad like hell, sad and crying. I have no one to talk to but you all kept me company and gave me perspective. I sent him a long angry text in the morning and he has not replied. I wasn't able to do anything (it's my day off today) but be sad in my bed.. Long angry text? Not a good idea… I’ve never witnessed a situation where a long angry text solves anything. You see, you need to firmly decide first whether you are going to try to save this relationship or you’re breaking up with him. In neither case would a long angry text be appropriate. If you’re willing to give him a chance, you should communicate in person, and definitely not in an angry way. If you’re breaking up, what’s the point of an angry text? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Have you heard from him since that text? Were you supposed to get together? Link to post Share on other sites
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