First crush confession, how do I know?

[Shach]

I just confessed to my crush that I like him, and I did it in person. This is someone I’ve known for a few years, and I’ve been crushing on for ages. When I told him he said “Good to know” but he never said, I don’t like you or I like you too. Guys what does this mean??? How am I supposed to know if he feels the same or not? I’m really confused here. 

[SurfCity]

How old are you and how old is he? 

How long ago did you say this to him? Has he said anything  to you since? 

[Shach]

7 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

How old are you and how old is he? 

How long ago did you say this to him? Has he said anything  to you since? 

I’m almost 18 and he’s almost 19. I told him yesterday. He hasn’t said anything since. 

[SurfCity]

Give it some time, but it's unlikely that he likes you back. Confessing feelings is never a good idea; it's better to ask them out on a date and use the word date. Just wait a day or two to see if he texts or calls you, if he doesn't, then he doesn't return your feelings. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. It's extremely uncomfortable and awkward to put someone on the spot like that and blurt that out. You caught him off guard and made things very uncomfortable. 

Please don't do this. If you like someone, try to get to know them better, for example inviting them to an event or dance or for a snack. 

[Shach]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It's extremely uncomfortable and awkward to put someone on the spot like that and blurt that out. You caught him off guard and made things very uncomfortable. 

Please don't do this. If you like someone, try to get to know them better, for example inviting them to an event or dance or for a snack. 

Did you miss the part where I said I’ve know him for years? I’ve been friends with him since I was 13. 

[Wiseman2]

So? If you know him that well why haven't you asked him out? 

[Shach]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So? If you know him that well why haven't you asked him out? 

I did ask him out, once. We went on one date a couple years ago but nothing came of it and I haven’t been on one since. We have remained friends. I wanted to tell him because he is going to be leave the state for a couple months and I won’t be able to contact him the way I normally would. I had to tell him how I felt about him before he is gone. 

[Wiseman2]

It seems like he sees you as a good friend but you would like more than that. 

[d0nnivain]

Generally confessions like those are not well received.  There are better more subtle ways to convey romantic interest than blurting something like that out.  Since you have been friends so long, he probably already knew that you were crushing on him.  Stuff like that is easier to see than you realize.  Unfortunately, especially since you went on a date a while back & nothing came of it, his response "good to know" was polite indicating that your friendship is important to you & he didn't want to hurt your feelings but he doesn't share your interest.  If he liked you that way, he would have been more joyful at the news, might have kissed you or at least asked you on a date.  Because he didn't do anything to move this friendship toward a romance, I suspect he doesn't want to go beyond friendship.  Things are going to be awkward for a while but when he leaves you will have the space you are going to need to process that this didn't turn out the way you had hoped.  

I'm sorry.  

[basil67]

I agree that he doesn't feel the same way about you.  It's disappointing, but it happens.  His "good to know" was probably all he can come up with at the time...it's hard to know what to say when put on the spot like this.

Please prepare yourself that that he may start to distance himself from you.  Firstly, to allow you space to get over him, but also to make it easier if he gets a girlfriend.  It would be really awkward for him and her to see you socially if you're still crushing on him.

[Shach]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

I agree that he doesn't feel the same way about you.  It's disappointing, but it happens.  His "good to know" was probably all he can come up with at the time...it's hard to know what to say when put on the spot like this.

Please prepare yourself that that he may start to distance himself from you.  Firstly, to allow you space to get over him, but also to make it easier if he gets a girlfriend.  It would be really awkward for him and her to see you socially if you're still crushing on him.

I asked him to meet me somewhere, and he knew I was going to tell him based off of previous conversations. It wasn’t the “big shock” that you are all talking about. It won’t ever be socially awkward between me and his future girlfriend because I only wish happiness for him, even if it isn’t with me. The reason he is leaving is to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which forbids romantic relationships until after the two year service. He might feel the same way, but feels that serving his mission is more important to him. Honestly I have no way of knowing and I should’ve never asked on this site anyways.

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Shach said:

I  asked him to meet me somewhere, and he knew I was going to tell him based off of previous conversations. It wasn’t the “big shock” that you are all talking about. It won’t ever be socially awkward between me and his future girlfriend because I only wish happiness for him, even if it isn’t with me. The reason he is leaving is to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which forbids romantic relationships until after the two year service. He might feel the same way, but feels that serving his mission is more important to him. Honestly I have no way of knowing and I should’ve never asked on this site anyways.

The church may forbid romantic relationships, but it sounds like he didn't even say "let's see how things go when I return".  He gave you nothing to hold onto at all.   Are you going to put your life on hold for two years and see what happens when he returns?  Or keep your options open?

With regards to him meeting another girl, you've got no idea how she may react to you.  You can be incredibly kind and supportive, but it doesn't mean that she'll want to see you.

[d0nnivain]

4 hours ago, Shach said:

I asked him to meet me somewhere, and he knew I was going to tell him based off of previous conversations. It wasn’t the “big shock” that you are all talking about. It won’t ever be socially awkward between me and his future girlfriend because I only wish happiness for him, even if it isn’t with me. The reason he is leaving is to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, which forbids romantic relationships until after the two year service. He might feel the same way, but feels that serving his mission is more important to him. Honestly I have no way of knowing and I should’ve never asked on this site anyways.

Well that is an important piece of info we did not know & it might very well change things.  If his religion forbids a romance until he returns, that is most probably driving his response.  You needed to tell us that as part of the original question because it may be outcome determinative.   I guess all you can do is wait & pray that he comes back to you. 

You do have a very kind & mature attitude toward this.  

I did not say that this was some big shock to him.  I truly believe he had a clue.  My point was that these types of announcements are rarely a good idea.  When a relationship is meant to be, a relationship born out of a longstanding friendship somehow usually forms organically without the need for the announcement.  Since yours had not evolved there is some possibility that he doesn't feel the same way but now that you say a romance in forbidden until after he returns from his 2 year mission his lack of response my be about your timing.  

What exactly were you hoping for?  Did you think he was going to defy Church teaching & confess his forbidden love to you?  

[Wiseman2]

Unrequited crushes are common in adolesce and unfortunately painful. "Good to know" is neutral but not what you wanted to hear.

Sadly you seem extremely reactive and angry. Especially leaving a hateful psychotic diatribe on someone else's thread for whatever reason and being snotty with your replies here as well. 

Please ask your parents to take you to the physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Perhaps they can help you navigate some issues more normally.

Edited March 19 by Wiseman2

[Shach]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unrequited crushes are common in adolesce and unfortunately painful. "Good to know" is neutral but not what you wanted to hear.

Sadly you seem extremely reactive and angry. Especially leaving a hateful psychotic diatribe on someone else's thread for whatever reason and being snotty with your replies here as well. 

Please ask your parents to take you to the physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Perhaps they can help you navigate some issues more normally.

I don’t think that I asked for your personal opinion about my mental health? I am perfectly fine health wise thank you very much. Just because I am younger and less mature than you are does not mean that I have some kind of mental illness. I am not psychotic and frankly, I find that very insulting. I just can’t stand people who are very negative about things. My brain is not fully developed yet and I still have some learning to do. I can recognize that. That does not, however, give you the right to tell me to not speak up when I see something I don’t like. For your information, I am already seeing a therapist for something else entirely, and I find it kind of insulting that you just assumed that I’m not capable of understanding what is wrong with myself. I was snotty in my replies because I was frustrated that no one seemed to actually understand what I was talking about. The boy I told I liked told me that I was very brave for telling him my feelings in person, because most people just text one another. Not once did he seem uncomfortable or surprised at what I was telling him. So sorry that everyone here has actually been lucky enough to have a relationship before. This was my first time doing anything even remotely close to a relationship. Why do you think I asked on here?  This didn’t go as I thought it would because in order for everyone to be able to understand the circumstances I’d have to give so many details about his personality for some semblance of an answer close to being realistic. Me and him are still friends, still talking, and still around eachother. It didn’t turn out as bad as all of you said it would, telling me this was such a bad idea. I think that telling your feelings to someone takes guts, and guys can see it to. He saw how nervous I was, and I’m sure it can be admirable to anyone. I am not going to back down from telling the person I like that I do indeed like them. That is the wimpiest thing anyone can do and I did it for years. I’m done with that. Y’all have fun easing into relationships, but I’m just going to avoid giving mixed signals entirely and get it out there in the open. I also live in Utah, and it’s a culture thing to tell people how you feel. That what starts relationships here. I have never met anyone in this state who hasn’t had a crush confession. You’re all just going to think I’m immature, so what? I don’t care. I’m doing what my heart tells me and that’s all that matters. 

[Keira7]

Just recently me and my friend were hanging out, we were watching a movie at his apartment. Me and him are just friends, and I’ve known him since I was a freshman in college. We are both seniors now, and I’d say we are best friends. As we were watching the movie I got tired towards the end of it, and I might have lightly dozed off for a little bit? When I woke up he was closer to my side and I was laying on his shoulder. As I became more aware I realized that his arm was around me and his hand was in my hair. Just when I thought things couldn’t get any weirder he laughed at me a little bit, he obviously saw I was very confused, and then he kissed me! I don’t think I have ever been more confused ever. Not once has he ever given me romantic hints or anything, and then he just up and does that out of no where?! I’m not upset about it or anything, but I’m really confused. Do you all think he actually likes me that way or is he just messing with me?

[Acacia98]

It's kind of hard for folks to give you useful advice when you leave out important information. All we can do is give you our opinions based on our own experiences.

If you ever find yourself in this situation again, you could ask the guy if he shares your feelings once you get a neutral response.

Edited March 20 by Acacia98

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Keira7 said:

Do you all think he actually likes me that way or is he just messing with me?

Or option 3:  He found you attractive, was drawn to you and wanted to kiss you.  One of my biggest mistakes in my teens was thinking that when a boy got physical, it meant that he wanted to date me.  

The answer lies in what's happened since.  Has he wanted to hang out with you again?  Asked you on a date?  

[Keira7]

47 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The answer lies in what's happened since.  Has he wanted to hang out with you again?  Asked you on a date?  

Yes, we have hung out since then, but we haven’t really talked about when he kissed me. He has gotten more touchy lately, more than he usually is. I also keep catching him staring at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention. No he hasn’t asked me on a date. 

[basil67]

Do you want him to ask you out?  If so, have you flirted with him?

[Wiseman2]

He seems to like you as more than a friend if he's getting affectionate. Play it by ear, maybe suggest going on a real date together. 

[d0nnivain]

Being forthright is a good quality.  However there are ways to do that without being quite so direct.  

This is an international message board.  Your life experience is that everyone does these "crush confessions" as you call them.  If that is true it explains a lot about why you did it.   My life experience is that these things are terrible ideas & nobody over the age of 13 does this.  It generally makes people uncomfortable.  Your norm is different. 

The fact that this happens in your culture also helps explain his reaction.  It's a good sign that you are still talking.  He seems to have taken in the information.  Again, right now may be a timing issue in that you said he can't start a relationship before his 2 year mission trip.  Let me ask you this:  are you required to go on one of these trips?  If you have not already done yours, how do you think your 2 years away will affect things between you & this boy?   I'm also a bit confused.  If you know he couldn't start anything until he completed the task, why did you tell him now?   If you also have to go on one of these trips, why is it you are trying to start something before you finish your trip if that is not allowed?  I'm not picking on you; I am simply seeking clarification of a culture I know nothing about.   

 

[d0nnivain]

I don't think he's messing with you.  I think he doesn't know how to communicate to you that he likes you as more than a friend. 

So what do you want?  If you want to explore the possibility of a relationship you will have to up your flirty game & make it super clear to him that you would like to see where this goes.  If you want to stay friends you need to maintain physical distance from him, stop hanging out in his apartment, & use the word friend more often when you talk with him, preferably at least once per conversation.  

[Keira7]

30 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

I don't think he's messing with you.  I think he doesn't know how to communicate to you that he likes you as more than a friend. 

So what do you want?  If you want to explore the possibility of a relationship you will have to up your flirty game & make it super clear to him that you would like to see where this goes.  If you want to stay friends you need to maintain physical distance from him, stop hanging out in his apartment, & use the word friend more often when you talk with him, preferably at least once per conversation.  

I think I want to try it out. If it doesn’t work then oh well, but I’m going to see where this goes, maybe ask him on a date.