Unexpected Kiss

[Alpacalia]

A male acquaintance from my hiking group showed up to an event that I was at for mutual friends, which was a concert in a park. We had chatted a few times before at previous hikes but had not really gotten to know each other well.

When he arrived, he came over to say hello and we chatted for a bit before the concert started. As the night went on, we ended up sitting next to each other and talking during the concert. We found out that we had a lot of similar interests and both enjoyed hiking and outdoor activities.

After the concert, he asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat and continue our conversation. I agreed and we ended up going to a nearby pub for some food and drinks.

We talked for hours and had a great time getting to know each other. He mentioned that he had always wanted to do a specific hiking trail in our area but had never found anyone to go with. I immediately suggested that we plan a hike together and he seemed thrilled with the idea.

He walked me to my car afterwards and when I went to hug him goodbye he kissed me on the lips. I was caught off guard and pulled away quickly. He looked surprised and apologized, saying he thought I wanted him to kiss me. I nervously laughed it off and told him it was fine.

The next day, he messaged me apologizing again and asking if I wanted to go on that hike we had planned. I am not sure now if I should still go on the hike with him. I don't fear for my safety or anything of that nature but I also hope that he doesn't try to pull a kissy stunt on a hiking trail.

[Wiseman2]

That's confusing for him. You were quite forward getting drinks food sitting together suggesting another date and then he hugs you and you have a cactus-like response as if he's  creepy and lecherous.

He even apologized. Don't go on the hike.  Especially if you just want male friends who wine and dine you and you think they're lecherous because you're sending mixed signals 

Edited March 18 by Wiseman2

[Alpacalia]

I paid for us both. Honestly, please refrain from your wild inferences. 

[happyhorizons]

29 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's confusing for him. You were quite forward getting drinks food sitting together suggesting another date and then he hugs you and you have a cactus-like response as if he's  creepy and lecherous.

He even apologized. Don't go on the hike.  Especially if you just want male friends who wine and dine you and you think they're lecherous because you're sending mixed signals 

This is ^^ ridiculous the OP is certainly NOT sending mixed signals of any sort.  This was NOT a date or anything remotely romantic more like a plutonic "grab a bite to eat." 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

A male acquaintance from my hiking group showed up to an event that I was at for mutual friends, which was a concert in a park. We had chatted a few times before at previous hikes but had not really gotten to know each other well.

When he arrived, he came over to say hello and we chatted for a bit before the concert started. As the night went on, we ended up sitting next to each other and talking during the concert. We found out that we had a lot of similar interests and both enjoyed hiking and outdoor activities.

After the concert, he asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat and continue our conversation. I agreed and we ended up going to a nearby pub for some food and drinks.

We talked for hours and had a great time getting to know each other. He mentioned that he had always wanted to do a specific hiking trail in our area but had never found anyone to go with. I immediately suggested that we plan a hike together and he seemed thrilled with the idea.

He walked me to my car afterwards and when I went to hug him goodbye he kissed me on the lips. I was caught off guard and pulled away quickly. He looked surprised and apologized, saying he thought I wanted him to kiss me. I nervously laughed it off and told him it was fine.

The next day, he messaged me apologizing again and asking if I wanted to go on that hike we had planned. I am not sure now if I should still go on the hike with him. I don't fear for my safety or anything of that nature but I also hope that he doesn't try to pull a kissy stunt on a hiking trail.

That would really depend on what his apology actually meant. Was it a “sorry I kissed you, I got caught up in the moment, promise it won’t happen again, I’m totally ok with being friends” kind of apology? Or a “sorry I kissed you too soon, can I please have a chance to start over, hopefully things will advance” kind of apology? 

 

[Wiseman2]

Guess you missed this part happyhorizons?  "when I went to hug him goodbye"

  He's a gentleman who even apologized for whatever misunderstanding.  But now he's a creep who might pull a "kissy stunt"? 

 

Edited March 18 by Wiseman2

[Weezy1973]

Are you interested in him romatically? That’s all that really matters here. If you’re not, don’t go; if you are then go ahead. 

[Foxhall]

Well I can understand why he went for the kiss, he was enjoying your company and wanted to declare his attraction to you,

I dont know its never an easy one this from a guys perspective- sometimes a shyer approach can work better in the long run- its different from when we were teenagers,

(Id have waited until the second or third date,☺️)

It can be nice too just enjoying getting to know someone, having the conversations without feeling the pressure of having the physical stuff brought into the equation,

well he should have got the message anyway, so in that sense I would say give him the benefit of the doubt and go on the hike with the intention of getting to know other ,

sometimes  a person is not quite ready for another relationship  yet either and it should be fine to just have a friends dynamic.

 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

Yes, I forget that sometimes. ☺️

It just caught me by surprise is all, usually there is some build up leading up to a kiss like your gently touching each others hands or you have that intense eye contact or flirting with words (if that makes sense) and there was nothing leading up to the kiss, that's what was so baffling. I mean, there was a time I was on a 2nd date with a man and I had been patiently waiting for him to kiss me, we were up close to each other and I brushed my face near his and then that was when we kissed on the lips and I think he himself was a bit caught off guard, but I could tell he was enjoying it. 

The only tiny, tiny reason why I thought about this is because I would hate to spoil our outing and really want to go on the hike, really I do. I have to remember he did make the effort to show up to the event and out of likelihood, he had to have known or gotten the message that I was there before actually seeing me. I won't cancel though, that was really sweet of him to recognize my hesitation and apologize.

I tried looking/thinking at it from a man's perspective too and hey some things can't always be avoided because sometimes things like kissing just happen, I understand that. Like I said, I myself have leaned in for a kiss because the moment felt so right and I felt so comfortable and wanted it bad enough that I forgot any hesitation and went for it. 

Edited March 18 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

He signaled he likes you 'that way'. If there is no possibility at all that eventually you would like him 'that way'  then I would not torture the guy by being his friend. If his kiss was just a dating faux-pas and you're open to getting to know him at a slower pace then go and enjoy yourself!

[Wiseman2]

Does he still want to go on the hike? How much fun could it be if you're worried he's going to pull stunts and he feels awkward for misinterpreting all the green lights? 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

He signaled he likes you 'that way'. If there is no possibility at all that eventually you would like him 'that way'  then I would not torture the guy by being his friend. If his kiss was just a dating faux-pas and you're open to getting to know him at a slower pace then go and enjoy yourself!

I am upfront at the end of a date in the traditional sense if I do not feel a romantic inclination towards the guy. I am polite and will not hurt his feelings but I would rather not waste anyone's time. Sometimes you know rather quickly, other times it takes a more few dates to decide. The one male friend that I posted about before, I said following the first date we shared that I do not want to pursue anything romantically, and if he's open to being friends I would really like that and if not, I totally respect his decision. 

This wasn't necessarily a date in the traditional sense, I had no idea he was going to show up at the concert and I don't know if he considered us grabbing a bite afterwards a date.

Obviously, he felt comfortable enough to go in for a kiss.

I have grown attracted to him in a romantic sense. Like I said, I was just surprised that he went in for a kiss because there wasn't any build-up to it. My face was kind of turned away from him when he went in for the kiss when I went in for the hug. I think we just started to get to know each other and it was during a concert and he loves that band and there was a lot of energy in the air. 

The hike would only be us two so I just wanted to make sure that I'm covering all my bases. I am not fearful of my safety more so that I just want to make sure that I am being smart while getting to know this person.

Edited March 20 by Alpacalia

[princessaurora]

I know it hasn't been that long since you broke up with your man that was moving to Europe, so the reaction you had is pretty much expected. You're just thinking of dipping your feet in the water again and this dude plants a kiss on you when you're not even on  an official date!  I experienced a similar feeling when I was trying to move on from my ex and it took me a few dates before I would even kiss the new guys. From his perspective you are showing interest by going with him for drinks and making plans to hike with him in the near future, so he decided to shoot his shot. But he did apologize right after, so at least you know he respects your boundaries.

If you like him, this may be one of those times where it's best to be honest and tell him you are attracted to him, but are just getting back to dating and need to ease back into the physical things that come with that. I ended up doing this with all my dudes and they all respected it and waited till the flags were neon green or I initiated. I think this would smooth out the awkwardness and take the pressure off you. Of course if you're not attracted to him, I wouldn't go on the hike because he has already made his romantic interest clear. 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, princessaurora said:

I know it hasn't been that long since you broke up with your man that was moving to Europe, so the reaction you had is pretty much expected. You're just thinking of dipping your feet in the water again and this dude plants a kiss on you when you're not even on  an official date!  I experienced a similar feeling when I was trying to move on from my ex and it took me a few dates before I would even kiss the new guys. From his perspective you are showing interest by going with him for drinks and making plans to hike with him in the near future, so he decided to shoot his shot. But he did apologize right after, so at least you know he respects your boundaries.

If you like him, this may be one of those times where it's best to be honest and tell him you are attracted to him, but are just getting back to dating and need to ease back into the physical things that come with that. I ended up doing this with all my dudes and they all respected it and waited till the flags were neon green or I initiated. I think this would smooth out the awkwardness and take the pressure off you. Of course if you're not attracted to him, I wouldn't go on the hike because he has already made his romantic interest clear. 

My Europe Man. Haha.

Yes, what you said is spot on. I think too, that I am afraid of this flopping.

I say that because, even though my Europe guy told me he had aspirations at the beginning of our relationship to go to Europe, I guess a part of me didn't take it as seriously as I should have. I felt like it was one of those things that would never fall through...I didn't think it would actually happen. I got comfy in our relationship, when I should have been expecting something like that to happen. And now I just feel discouraged.

I know that my ex wouldn't have pursued things with me if that's where he was headed which is why I think I have a valid excuse to be scared to date again. And now this man that I went for drinks with is gone off like the wind. Whereas I'm in the background wanting to experience life and have fun and go on hikes and forget about the world with an extra set of hands or so (lol). 

[happyhorizons]

46 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

My Europe Man. Haha.

Yes, what you said is spot on. I think too, that I am afraid of this flopping.

I say that because, even though my Europe guy told me he had aspirations at the beginning of our relationship to go to Europe, I guess a part of me didn't take it as seriously as I should have. I felt like it was one of those things that would never fall through...I didn't think it would actually happen. I got comfy in our relationship, when I should have been expecting something like that to happen. And now I just feel discouraged.

I know that my ex wouldn't have pursued things with me if that's where he was headed which is why I think I have a valid excuse to be scared to date again. And now this man that I went for drinks with is gone off like the wind. Whereas I'm in the background wanting to experience life and have fun and go on hikes and forget about the world with an extra set of hands or so (lol). 

I can confidently say that it is definitely HIS (Mr. Europe Man) loss in the end.  You should NEVER be in the background but rather front and center in full view.  Always remember that if "someone is going to find you, you must first let them in."