DoriBee Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Hi! Me and my ex boyfriend dated for 2 years while we were in high school and then we were on and off for about 5 years after that.Everytime we got back together it was only for good reasons,and because we never seemed to be able to move on.We are also best friends and love each other deeply.The main reason for our break-ups was that we don’t get along when we are in a relationship as we do when we stay just friends.The problem is we still love each other and the chemistry between us is crazy but we really fight the urge to not get back together and fall into the loop again.We are currently in our last year of med school and are still on good terms,we spend a lot of time together and it comes naturally.We had the most beautiful relationship back in the past,our families still have care and love for both of us and It was never something toxic between us.While we were broken up I dated other people,he said he didn’t but now he confessed that he has a crush on someone and I honestly don’t know how to process my feelings.Of course I talked to him about it and he knows how I feel but we agreed to not get back together because we can risk to lose each other and neither of us want that.He was and is the love of my life still,and he feels the same way towards me.I do not want to be selfish but do you think it is possible that we have a healthy relationship from now on if we stay just friends ?Do you know any case similar to ours and maybe help me get some insights? Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 One never have enough genuine friends. Sometimes two people are simply better off as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with an unhealthy attachment and lack of other opportunities. It seems you both want to stay on this on/off rollercoaster, perhaps as a security blanket. However eventually during one of your off times things could get ugly and complicated because one of you starts seeing someone. You don't want to be "best friends". You want to get back together, and unfortunately he doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DoriBee Posted March 16 Author Share Posted March 16 36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You don't want to be "best friends". You want to get back together, and unfortunately he doesn't. We both agree that we couldn’t get back together because of some degree of incompatibility.But he also told me he takes me too seriously to get back with me and he thinks us together again would have to be for life and he is not ready for a serious commitment.And I get that.I am just wondering why the fact that he has a crush on someone makes me so jealous even though I do not want to get back together with him lol.I may sound unserious but it is really how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 The fact that he has a crush on someone makes you so jealous is precisely the nonsense, headaches and heartaches you're signing up for by staying on this on/off rollercoaster. He doesn't want anything serious. You can continue to chase him this desperately but he has already decided to put you on the back burner. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 Well, with a "best friends" relationship like this one, you can only keep it up if you both are perfectly happy never being in a romantic relationship with anyone else. You've told us that very succinctly. So - your choice, and his too of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted March 16 Share Posted March 16 2 hours ago, DoriBee said: I do not want to be selfish but do you think it is possible that we have a healthy relationship from now on if we stay just friends ?Do you know any case similar to ours and maybe help me get some insights? I think you can still be friends, but not “best friends”. Generally being best friends with your partner is the ideal and pretty much the best indicator that a relationship / marriage is going to last. One of my friends stayed friends with an ex of his after they broke up, but they were never best friends. We were in the same social circle and it was very amicable even when both had new partners, got married etc. They were invited to each other’s weddings etc. But to be clear, they weren’t each other’s best friends. They didn’t text each other or talk on the phone often etc. They never hung out one on one. So something like that is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
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