Tee11 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 I've been acquainted with this guy for years and we've never met in person. In the beginning he did things that made me think we would be together. Eventually he tells me that we were never going to be together but we can be friends. I tried to accept that and move on. Here is the thing I don't think he cares about my feelings at all. I've asked him various times when can we meet he always says if he has time or when he's not busy which he always seems to be. I straight up asked him does he even want to meet and he said if we do we do if we don't we don't that is very hurtful to me because it makes me feel like he doesn't care enough about me to want to meet. I've told him various times over the years that we need to end this friendship as it's no longer working for me. He told me that it doesn't need to be ended and he's the only one who truly understands me which I feel is completely untrue. I don't feel like he understands me at all. I don't see how he thinks he does. I says everything would be great if I was a better friend to him and actually cared about this life which is not true. I do care about his life I just don't ask him about his wife because I am still a little jealous. He thinks because I don't ask about her that I don't care about him. I don't feel like he cares about me but according to him he's the only one who truly knows and cares about me. What is going on? Is he gaslighting me? It's like he won't allow me to stop being friends with him but at the same time he doesn't want me. Do my feelings really not matter to know? What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 Since this is not working for you, why don't you stop communicating with him? All you have to do is block and delete. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 Anyone you've been acquainted with for years and never met in person is a potential scammer, catfish or timewaster. Please set yourself free and delete and block this entity from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Permanently. Please get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to local real life, real men you can see in person regularly. Please also round out your social life. Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses and broaden your social horizons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tee11 Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 He won't let me. Everytime I see I'm done talking to him he messages me or says I won't be able to find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 What you seem to mean is you are stuck in this cyber rabbithole and don't want to let go. "He won't let you" is nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tee11 Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 (edited) What rabbithole would that be? I'm curious to know. Edited March 15 by Tee11 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 Rabbit Hole: "To enter into a situation or begin a process or journey that is particularly strange, problematic, difficult, complex, or chaotic, especially one that becomes increasingly so as it develops or unfolds" Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 35 minutes ago, Tee11 said: He won't let me. Everytime I see I'm done talking to him he messages me or says I won't be able to find someone else. You don’t need his permission to walk away. Just ghost and block him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tee11 Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 Would I want someone to ghost me? What if that comes back as my karma? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tee11 Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 I know what a rabbit hole is I want to understand why you said I was stuck and didn't want to let go? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 This guy's a five-star creep. Does his wife know he's doing this? He's using you as entertainment and the smartest thing you could do is just block and delete him. The reason someone said you've gone down a rabbit hole is that you're so caught up in hoping it will turn into something that you're unable to recognise that it won't. 1 hour ago, Tee11 said: In the beginning he did things that made me think we would be together What things did he do? 1 hour ago, Tee11 said: I straight up asked him does he even want to meet and he said if we do we do if we don't we don't that is very hurtful to me because it makes me feel like he doesn't care enough about me to want to meet. Your feelings are valid and correct, listen to them. Also, you don't have the right to have expectations of someone else's husband. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Tee11 said: Would I want someone to ghost me? What if that comes back as my karma? Ok fine then. If you’re not going to take the action required to get yourself out of the situation, stop complaining about how he treats you. Also, given that you’re jealous of his wife, he’s right to not meet you. Her feelings are rightfully more important to him than yours and his marriage must always come first. Edited March 15 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tee11 Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 I've known him longer than they've been together. Also, we talked multiple times about having sex before he was ever married. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 (edited) Agree he's a creep. Why bother with creepy married men? Of course your feelings matter, just not to sleazeballs like this guy. Edited March 15 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 2 minutes ago, Tee11 said: I've known him longer than they've been together. Also, we talked multiple times about having sex before he was ever married. So, during the time he's known you, he met his wife and married her. What part of that doesn't answer your question? If you've been having an online sex thing and it's still going on, he's an even bigger creep than I suspected. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tee11 Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 We never did anything. We just had like phone sex Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 (edited) 31 minutes ago, Tee11 said: I've known him longer than they've been together. Also, we talked multiple times about having sex before he was ever married. How is this relevant? Edited March 15 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 You can do a lot better than this guy. You just have to want to. Perhaps you're shy or a shut-in or something, but how is phone sex worth your while with a married creep you never met? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 2 minutes ago, Tee11 said: We never did anything. We just had like phone sex Do you think his wife, (girlfriend back then?), would have married him if she knew he was doing this with you? I'm guessing probably not, unless she knows and is OK with it, (possible, but unlikely). Instead of feeling hurt by his actions, maybe be grateful that it never reached the stage of actually meeting, because then your hurt would be a thousand times worse. He's a messed up dude. Think about how his actions are impacting your life right at this moment. You can't stop thinking about him, but I can guarantee he's not thinking about you. My advice is to cut all contact with him without any discussion, and to get out and interact in the real world. He's got you living in your own head, fantasising that one day he'll be your partner, and that's exactly where he wants you, under his control. You need to stop enabling him, he's emotionally abusing you and you're playing along. Try to step outside of the scene and look at it objectively, as if it were happening to a friend instead of you. What advice would you give that friend? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 Why don't my feelings matter? Because you're inviting and allowing this disrespect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tee11 Posted March 15 Author Share Posted March 15 I hate feeling lonely and it's like I need someone to be better because of my abandonment issues. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 3 hours ago, Tee11 said: I've told him various times over the years that we need to end this friendship as it's no longer working for me. It's like he won't allow me to stop being friends with him but at the same time he doesn't want me. What on earth are you talking about? No one can "not let you" end a friendship. Ending a relationship or a friendship is the one thing you can do that you don't need the other person's consent for. You TELL him that you are ending it and you stick to that. You block him if he refuses to stop contacting you. You are acting like you are a passive observer in your own life and don't have any control over your own decisions. Deep down you clearly just don't want to end this friendship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 56 minutes ago, Tee11 said: I hate feeling lonely and it's like I need someone to be better because of my abandonment issues. OK, if you hate feeling lonely, why are you engaging with someone who will never ease that loneliness? Can you not see that this "friendship" is actually causing you problems? The problem isn't that he doesn't want to meet you, (and trust me on this, he doesn't), the problem is that you don't want to let go of a fantasy because then you feel like you're left with nothing. The reality is that you're getting nothing anyway, so why keep entertaining Mr Creepy? This garbage about him not letting you end the friendship is exactly that, garbage. Do you have friends in real life? Do you go out and socialise with real people? Dependence on some guy you've never even met is very worrying and perhaps you should see if you can get some counselling to help you gain some insight and break this self-destructive habit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 3 hours ago, Tee11 said: He won't let me. Everytime I see I'm done talking to him he messages me or says I won't be able to find someone else. Won't happen if you BLOCK him. Obviously you're into this fairly silly virtual drama. It's not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted March 15 Share Posted March 15 5 hours ago, Tee11 said: I've been acquainted with this guy for years and we've never met in person. In the beginning he did things that made me think we would be together. Eventually he tells me that we were never going to be together but we can be friends. I tried to accept that and move on. Here is the thing I don't think he cares about my feelings at all. I've asked him various times when can we meet he always says if he has time or when he's not busy which he always seems to be. I straight up asked him does he even want to meet and he said if we do we do if we don't we don't that is very hurtful to me because it makes me feel like he doesn't care enough about me to want to meet. I've told him various times over the years that we need to end this friendship as it's no longer working for me. He told me that it doesn't need to be ended and he's the only one who truly understands me which I feel is completely untrue. I don't feel like he understands me at all. I don't see how he thinks he does. I says everything would be great if I was a better friend to him and actually cared about this life which is not true. I do care about his life I just don't ask him about his wife because I am still a little jealous. He thinks because I don't ask about her that I don't care about him. I don't feel like he cares about me but according to him he's the only one who truly knows and cares about me. What is going on? Is he gaslighting me? It's like he won't allow me to stop being friends with him but at the same time he doesn't want me. Do my feelings really not matter to know? What should I do? You should break off all contact with this man. His behavior is weird and creepy, and you are clearly allowing him to take emotional advantage of you. It’s in your power to stop that. Why does it matter to you whether he “truly” understands you or not? He is married. He is not your partner, not your beloved. This is a very unhealthy situation for you. Stand up for yourself and get rid of him. This is a very unhealthy situation. Link to post Share on other sites
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