The most toxic man, and situation I've put myself through

[BIANCAS305]

In October 2023, I met an awesome guy—or so I thought. He's 46, I'm 28. We hit it off, and he became very open about a lot of things. He's from a Polish background, and I only mention this because it seems like he only dates young black women only. Everything was going well, we spent loads of time together, even taking a trip together. He's divorced and has a son, but his ex-wife took his son back to Poland without him knowing. His first response was that he never cheated, but I saw the divorce papers myself. Then he opened up about his drinking problems, he's sober now. He also told me about a 24-year-old friend he met when she was 18 at a coffee shop.
 

 

Something didn't feel right, and I started to question things. He lied about not sleeping with her, but then he finally told me the truth. My heart sank. I decided to do my own little investigation and found out he had paid for hookers once, as he said, and this girl used to sleep with a married couple and sells sex. He met her at a strip club when she was 18, and they had sex and went to see a concert in Vegas together. He supported her, which was nice of him, but after 5 years of the same old BS, he complained about helping her but still kept her around. The way they talked to one another is so toxic, and unhealthy. 

  

I've only met her twice once to pick her up, and drive her home, and on Valentine's Day when I went to say hi, she was wearing only underwear and a hoodie in his place. Eating food in his bed, she got up, slammed the door, and cursed in Polish. He didn't see her the first month we dated, and all of a sudden, she's having tantrums, fainting in court, in the hospital, and he's going to her place while she showers to drive her places, getting out of bed at 5 am while I sleep to drive her two hours away, and waiting an hour while she takes an exam to drop her home. We argue a lot about the situation, and he would tell me how she has a pretty pussy and knows how to f*ck, and if she offers him pussy tonight, he would take it. This is someone he said was lesbian.

Anyways, she left a backpack, and I saw she made a report on a guy and sued him for $1.2 million, so I reached out to this guy because this situation is crazy. And I found out everything I needed to know. She was having an affair with him for a year and a half with his wife and filed rape charges against him, despite him helping her in so many ways. She lied about her dad committing suicide, but he had a stroke. She had sex with her uncle and father. She's constantly moving from place to place and offering sex in return for favors. The guy I'm dating said she's disabled, and the city doesn't want to help her, she has no family. One time, on a Sunday we argued, and he called me a "black b****" and told me to go f*ck myself, which was the most degrading thing someone has ever said to me. Another time, she stayed with him and left shaved pu$$y hair in the trash can, and I found it.

I'm deeply hurt because I really liked him, but he made it difficult for me to understand. Another time, one of my friends called to talk about his son, and he cursed at him for calling me so late, even though he needed someone to talk to since his son got into the wrong side of life and wanted to vent. He told me to block him and constantly nagged me to change my number. This is a man who attends church every Sunday, watches porn, and jerks off. Another time, I told him something personal about my dad, and the same night, he threw it back in my face, saying, "You're definitely not your father's daughter." He would send me videos of gifts with cash, but when we met, he would not give them to me, even though I didn't ask him for anything. He tends to date young black girls who are vulnerable and says they all come from dysfunctional families, yet he had an alcoholic father, and his wife took his son from him. He told me, "I'm only good for my pretty face and body." I realized this person needs major help and healing. He's undocumented, uneducated, and fooled me so well. I didn't pay attention to so many red flags.

I took a year to not date anyone and was naive to not see so many problems. I have a good heart and give so many chances, but he chose this person over me, and I've moved on peacefully. Looking back, I think of how crazy he is to show up at my work and home, ringing my bell. It's the most unstable situation I've put myself into, and I'm getting therapy now for it.

Edited March 13 by BIANCAS305

[BaileyB]

Some relationships are not meant to last forever - they meant to teach lessons. There are many lessons to learn here, as this was a very abusive relationship. Glad that you are getting some counselling. Good luck. 

Edited March 13 by BaileyB

[Alpacalia]

Yikes, he sounds like a serial ki-- I mean, a serial abuser. You are wise to see some common themes with this guy: disrespecting women, violence and predatory tendencies, infidelity, and just general disregard for boundaries.

[d0nnivain]

Glad you are out of that & getting therapy.  Best wishes for a brighter future.  

[Acacia98]

Sorry for what you experienced. I hope he's completely out of your life now.

Edited March 13 by Acacia98

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, BIANCAS305 said:

I'm deeply hurt because I really liked him

May I asked what exactly you liked about this individual?

 

[MsJayne]

He’s got serious mental health problems and no woman is safe around him, particularly young girls. He’s a predator. 

[Gebidozo]

22 hours ago, BIANCAS305 said:

In October 2023, I met an awesome guy—or so I thought. He's 46, I'm 28. We hit it off, and he became very open about a lot of things. He's from a Polish background, and I only mention this because it seems like he only dates young black women only. Everything was going well, we spent loads of time together, even taking a trip together. He's divorced and has a son, but his ex-wife took his son back to Poland without him knowing. His first response was that he never cheated, but I saw the divorce papers myself. Then he opened up about his drinking problems, he's sober now. He also told me about a 24-year-old friend he met when she was 18 at a coffee shop.
 

 

Something didn't feel right, and I started to question things. He lied about not sleeping with her, but then he finally told me the truth. My heart sank. I decided to do my own little investigation and found out he had paid for hookers once, as he said, and this girl used to sleep with a married couple and sells sex. He met her at a strip club when she was 18, and they had sex and went to see a concert in Vegas together. He supported her, which was nice of him, but after 5 years of the same old BS, he complained about helping her but still kept her around. The way they talked to one another is so toxic, and unhealthy. 

  

I've only met her twice once to pick her up, and drive her home, and on Valentine's Day when I went to say hi, she was wearing only underwear and a hoodie in his place. Eating food in his bed, she got up, slammed the door, and cursed in Polish. He didn't see her the first month we dated, and all of a sudden, she's having tantrums, fainting in court, in the hospital, and he's going to her place while she showers to drive her places, getting out of bed at 5 am while I sleep to drive her two hours away, and waiting an hour while she takes an exam to drop her home. We argue a lot about the situation, and he would tell me how she has a pretty pussy and knows how to f*ck, and if she offers him pussy tonight, he would take it. This is someone he said was lesbian.

Anyways, she left a backpack, and I saw she made a report on a guy and sued him for $1.2 million, so I reached out to this guy because this situation is crazy. And I found out everything I needed to know. She was having an affair with him for a year and a half with his wife and filed rape charges against him, despite him helping her in so many ways. She lied about her dad committing suicide, but he had a stroke. She had sex with her uncle and father. She's constantly moving from place to place and offering sex in return for favors. The guy I'm dating said she's disabled, and the city doesn't want to help her, she has no family. One time, on a Sunday we argued, and he called me a "black b****" and told me to go f*ck myself, which was the most degrading thing someone has ever said to me. Another time, she stayed with him and left shaved pu$$y hair in the trash can, and I found it.

I'm deeply hurt because I really liked him, but he made it difficult for me to understand. Another time, one of my friends called to talk about his son, and he cursed at him for calling me so late, even though he needed someone to talk to since his son got into the wrong side of life and wanted to vent. He told me to block him and constantly nagged me to change my number. This is a man who attends church every Sunday, watches porn, and jerks off. Another time, I told him something personal about my dad, and the same night, he threw it back in my face, saying, "You're definitely not your father's daughter." He would send me videos of gifts with cash, but when we met, he would not give them to me, even though I didn't ask him for anything. He tends to date young black girls who are vulnerable and says they all come from dysfunctional families, yet he had an alcoholic father, and his wife took his son from him. He told me, "I'm only good for my pretty face and body." I realized this person needs major help and healing. He's undocumented, uneducated, and fooled me so well. I didn't pay attention to so many red flags.

I took a year to not date anyone and was naive to not see so many problems. I have a good heart and give so many chances, but he chose this person over me, and I've moved on peacefully. Looking back, I think of how crazy he is to show up at my work and home, ringing my bell. It's the most unstable situation I've put myself into, and I'm getting therapy now for it.

I’m sorry that this happened to you.

I really hope that this man is completely removed from your life. You won’t be safe if he still has access to you.

May I ask what exactly you found attractive in him? He is clearly an unrepentant abuser.

[stillafool]

Glad you got away from him.  I don't have to tell you that he never loved you because you know that by now.  Never stay with a man who treats you that way.

[smackie9]

May no person ever treat you that way again.