Should I continue after these red flags setting up the date?

[max3732]

14 hours ago, JackFlash said:

all I'll say is that you are communicating on texts and from your actions to be a VERY bitter, most likely not financially stable, and insecure man. Saying that "parking is expensive" is flat out ridiculous I'm sorry. 

 

You almost seem to be anticipating her using you for a free lunch/dinner, which is coming across to her as either desperate or that you're used to woman not liking you. Both are bad!

 

Just go on the date and suck it up. If you don't like her physically or from your quick chat then don't go out. Smart academic woman tend to be pretty straight forward and blunt about what they like, I see nothing wrong with ANY of her texts. 

 

But from what I am guessing, you probably come across as the classic " nice guy "which is far more the problem than anything else. I do agree with you to try to stick to lower stakes early first dates like ice cream is possible  

I'm actually quite the opposite as you described. Being extremely financially stable means that I get asked for money all the time and am attuned to being used for money. My mail and email are filled with different groups asking for donations and several years ago I spent over $1,000 on someone who lived long distance and even flew to see her. Despite the fact she is well off when I asked if she'd visit she wanted me to pay for her flight. The last time I saw her she and her mom ordered the most expensive items on the menu.

I also didn't become financially stable by throwing money away when it doesn't make sense. Paying $50 for parking and driving around 1 way streets looking for a space when there is free parking at a restaurant a 5 minute drive away may make sense to some people, but it doesn't to me no matter how much money I have. 

Do you think I should have done that and continued paying for hundred dollar meals for her?

After being ripped off again and again I'm wondering why I need to drive long distances that take up my entire day and spend a lot of money on these women who will say "thank you, but I didn't feel any chemistry" or just ghost me or say "Really enjoyed meeting you. I was only visiting and am going back to ..."

Wouldn't acting insecure mean I am so desperate for spending time that I'll jump through all the hoops in the world to spend time with them and not expect anything from them? 

In your opinion what effort should I expect from her besides the fact she looks pretty?

4 hours ago, introverted1 said:

Hey Max.  How did she present this exactly?  I am less put off about the car than about a woman who believes she's entitled to dinner (assuming she's expecting you to pay) on a first meet.  But I'd like to hear more detail about this aspect before drawing any conclusions. 

Here is our entire conversation:

Me: (responding to picture of her skiing): Great to see your a fellow skier. How often do you hit the slopes

Her: From time to time

Me: Nice. I go every year. What do you like to do for fun in (our city)

Her: Anything. Having an active lifestyle. You?

Me: Describes a bunch of my hobbies then.

Me: Would you rather talk in person? Meet for ice cream and walk around Neighborhood Name this weekend?

Her: Sounds good. We can meet over dinner and discuss the rest

Me: Lunch tomorrow at...

Her: I have plans. Next week? I would appreciate if we could meet somewhere closer to X park since I turned in my vehicle and am waiting for a new one

Me: How long until you get your new vehicle?

Her: Why?

Me: Just curious. Are you excited about the new car? Is it being shipped?

Her: Yes it is. I'm ready to meet instead of chatting

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Agree with this.

If it doesn't feel right to you, which it doesn't, then you have your answer. Listen to yourself and move on. I suggested prior that maybe you counter offer but I think since you're having reservations it's best to not waste more time and energy on this woman.

Hold out for someone easier and less complicated for you to meet.

There are many women out there, don't get hung up on this one when you've not even met. Of course, you have to weigh the risks and benefits for yourself. If you're already not feeling good about it, then I think you're right to just let it go and move on.

I will say though, that if you go into each date with the mindset that a woman is looking for a free meal then you're going to be in for a lot of disappointment. Of course, there are women out there like that and I've seen and heard a few interesting stories but do you want to start off this way? Or, would you prefer to deal with someone else?

That's up to you to decide. I am certain you'll make a good decision for yourself. Best of luck!

You can see our entire conversation above.

[introverted1]

On the one hand, I don't see a flag in how she presented dinner. On the other, I find it a little odd that she wants to jump to a meeting so quickly.  Was this your first/only convo with her?  

[Weezy1973]

15 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Me: Would you rather talk in person? Meet for ice cream and walk around Neighborhood Name this weekend?

Her: Sounds good. We can meet over dinner and discuss the rest

Yeah that’s a weird transition. Definitely a flag, however since this is also true:

17 minutes ago, max3732 said:

After being ripped off again and again I'm wondering why I need to drive long distances that take up my entire day and spend a lot of money on these women who will say "thank you, but I didn't feel any chemistry" or just ghost me or say "Really enjoyed meeting you. I was only visiting and am going back to ..."

It sounds like you have a type. And that type expects to be wined and dined. When I did OLD, although I certainly did the bulk of the paying on first dates and the driving to their neighborhood, the dates were relatively cheap, and I usually took public transit because If be having a drink or two.
 

And the women that I was meeting were perfectly fine with that. They weren’t high maintenance in the least. I paid for the first three dates (happily) when I first met my wife, and then she paid for the 4th which was pretty much the entire cost of the first 3 dates combined. She would get dressed nicely and then take the bus to meet and we would get on the bus to go to the venue. Opposite of high maintenance. 

[Wiseman2]

This woman is priceless. She taught you a very valuable lesson that didn't cost you time or a dime.

And that is "Her:  I'm ready to meet instead of chatting"

The text exchange you posted is nosy, sort of rude, snooze-worthy, and a habit worth breaking.  It's a recurring theme and perhaps try to rethink it.

Edited March 14 by Wiseman2

[Alpacalia]

I don't see anything wrong with the conversation.

You seem taxed from not-so-great first dates. If you're worried she's a golddigger for suggesting dinner, that's not the issue. Unless you hinted you have a fancy car and would take her for a ride, an offer to eat should not rustle your feathers. You'll eventually find women who aren't after free meals; there are plenty who are happy with coffee, a drink, a donut, or a great local taco. 

You proposed lunch the following day after you rejected her dinner proposal for the weekend, she was willing to make that accommodation, the following week when she was free. When she changed the time, you felt she might be up to something. That's where you let someone's conversation or views invade your own thinking. If someone makes a proposed change, you can always just say, "Ok" or "That sounds fine." Then just change venues.

It's worth it if you can try and not assign motives to someone's conversation. I struggle with this myself. Sometimes you just have to remind yourself that people generally mean well and to approach situations with neutrality and make decisions based on personal interactions and reactions, not personal biases.

Finally, I really hope none of these judgments cause you to have your wall of Jericho up. I think that there is a charismatic and charming part of you that's buried under a lot of over-analysis. Let it rock!

[JackFlash]

the context were missing is how OP presents himself on dating apps.... in terms of wealth, what he is looking for etc..

[Wiseman2]

A friend of mine, who's an ER physician, got asked once "so, you're a doctor...what kind of car do you drive?"

He told her a garbage truck so she would just go away. Such a rude,tacky nouveau riche,  golddigging question to ask people about what cars they drive. 

Please try to stick to more appropriate messages and cut to the chase about meeting.  

[princessaurora]

You're overthinking and that seems to be a common attribute of yours which you should work on ,to enhance your chances of future success in the dating world. Just take her to lunch and see how things go, simple as that.  But please don't interrogate her or she will definitely not want to see you again. Just try to have an enjoyable  conversation that flows naturally. 😊

[Alpacalia]

I hope no one asks what kind of car I drive... It's a Hyundai 😂

[FredEire]

She doesn't like texting. Wants to actually get to know you instead of back and forth wishy washy texting bs. I think that's more of a green flag than a red one.

[Sony12]

54 minutes ago, FredEire said:

She doesn't like texting. Wants to actually get to know you instead of back and forth wishy washy texting bs. I think that's more of a green flag than a red one.

Sometimes. Sometimes not. There are a lot of people who try to avoid pre-meeting conversations simply because they aren't very good conversationalists.

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Sometimes. Sometimes not. There are a lot of people who try to avoid pre-meeting conversations simply because they aren't very good conversationalists.

Perhaps, but it's easier to have a dry text conversation than a real one

[Sony12]

4 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Perhaps, but it's easier to have a dry text conversation than a real one

True. Which is why talking over the phone is important. For the most part if people can't have a conversation over the phone they probably will struggle to have a conversation with one another in person.

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

True. Which is why talking over the phone is important. For the most part if people can't have a conversation over the phone they probably will struggle to have a conversation with one another in person.

Right. Text is a poor way to communicate, and you can't really get to know someone over text, that's why I don't blame this girl for wanting to skip the nonsense and just meet. There's only so many cute pictures and "how was your day"s you can send before there's not much more to say.

Edited March 17 by FredEire