lilmoma1973 Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 Hey everyone how's it going...Hi lilmoma!!! how are things with the husband? Same old situation here....don't think it's gonna change-but hey- I'm learning to enjoy having the house to myself when he's not around (which is often)...!! Sorry to hear that things are still the same !! Why don't you tell him he is watching the kids ,after he comes in from work, and be ready when he comes in ,and say bye see ya got plans!! Can you get a babysitter, pay a teenager to keep them for a little bit and go where he is, the next time and see just what he is doing at all hrs of the night!! Yeah things are ok on my end Link to post Share on other sites
LifeRealistic Posted December 22, 2005 Share Posted December 22, 2005 You are not alone in this situation - that is for sure. I have been marreid for a little over 5 years - and we are still the only married couple we know. We have no married friends. Not to be corny- but have you tried counseling? Not for you per say, but for this situation. I used to think , why do I have to go , when its him going out all the time, and stuff. But I went anyway ( I have Atena covereage through work , and a lot of plans like this have whats called EAP), using an Employee Assistance program. It paid for 10 sessions - FREE, and now I only pay 30.00 each time. AND I NEVER EVER EVER THOUGHT it would help change things - NEVER! Esp with just ME going. What might start to happen if it has not already is you might look for more of an emtional connection to someone, while he looks for more a physcial one with someone else - because you like most woman, need an emotional connection in order to be close to some one ...? This is what our men, ( and a lot !) just do not understand. I do not want to see your husband mess up or get into trouble to realize what he has in you...that is what happens most of the time :/ This is such a harder situation with no really easy answer. I mean I could say tell your huband you want him home tonight, and stand your ground ( that he might like that) ...and you would be thinking..."mmm yeah right, no he would hate that, and he would not listen." Try using the old "I "statements instead of "you" statements. Do you let him know you would rather spend time with him , that you miss him? Or do you just let him do what you feel makes him happy? As for me, I know I got to a point where I didnt care anymore, and actually liked it when he went out. Thats when I knew this way going down a bad path - a path of a cycle I was getting used to. Learn to have self confidence with him. Try counseling - I would not let anyone know you are going ....All my best Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted January 1, 2006 Author Share Posted January 1, 2006 Hey everyone how's it goin? Hey lil moma, how are things....yeah Life realistic....so funny you said that about counselling..because about a week or so ago I had done just that.I phoned about some counselling, talked to a very nice guy,Lyle something, and we start going in about the middle of January or so.I hope this irons things out, if it doesn't then I know at least in my heart I have done everything that can possibly be done to try and save my relationship.It is definitely NOT easy to be a single mom and out on your own these days, financially, emotionally, everything.Well that aside, I hope everybody had a great christmas-and the best to everyone in the new year! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 1, 2006 Share Posted January 1, 2006 Hey everyone how's it goin? Hey lil moma, how are things....yeah Life realistic....so funny you said that about counselling..because about a week or so ago I had done just that.I phoned about some counselling, talked to a very nice guy,Lyle something, and we start going in about the middle of January or so.I hope this irons things out, if it doesn't then I know at least in my heart I have done everything that can possibly be done to try and save my relationship.It is definitely NOT easy to be a single mom and out on your own these days, financially, emotionally, everything.Well that aside, I hope everybody had a great christmas-and the best to everyone in the new year! Hey alturnababe , i had a good Christmas and had plans for a New Years Eve thing, but we went and ate at Outback ,and waited so long to get seated, by the time we got our food, and ate it was close to 11 ,so we came on home and rang in the New Year !! Daughter was being a holly terror so kinda glad things worked out like they did !!! I am on LS on laptop and h is beside me on the couch !!! Happy New Year and hope counseling works and if not atleast you tried everything you could !! Hang in there and if you ever need a friend i am here for ya!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 No, it's not easy to be a single mom. But you know what?? Basically you ARE single. Think about it for a second. You do everything around the house.....he never spends time with you and you take care of the kids. What do you think being single is?? The only downside is that if you have never worked outside the home, then yeah, you might have a hard time supporting yourself financially. I gave up my house and the expensive car that we had. I gave him all his retirement and I kept mine. I took my credit cards, he kept his. I got an apartment, but I've always worked and luckily I made enough to support myself. It was hard but I got by. If all he is is a paycheck to you and you don't yearn for more than that then I guess it would be okay to stay. There was little adjustment for me when I moved out. He was not much of a domestic support and I basically took care of the kids all the time. Then, we split custody, so he had them every other week and I had my time to do what I wanted. I did miss the kids, and that was hard, but it also afforded me time to get myself together and have a LIFE. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted January 4, 2006 Author Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hey Mz. pixie....thankyou for writing and remembering my situation! Sounds like you had a tough road after you left, but-you obviously did right by it.Yeah I know all too well what 'single mom' is all about .....before him I was married one other time, had my son, and when he was 13 months old HIS dad-took off, never giving me an explanation, taking all my money, and leaving me with 8 days left on my lease.so- I went on with my life raising my son, working, and going to school....true meaning of tired...lol...anyway when i met this one we had two little girls together,but as you know he's not around for them much! Yeah it sounds bad, but I think at this point he's just a paycheck.I would like him to be more, but I really don't think it'll change.Anyway, you're re-married, right? How's everything going for you, and what about your kids...living with you? keep in touch, ok? (Hey lil moma....love your new avatar!!!! how are things....glad to hear you had an ok new years!....keep writing look forward to your posts!) Link to post Share on other sites
justme00 Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Hmmm, what would be the difference if you were not with this Jerk? Not much!! I wonder if he is having an affair? I would hire a PI and check him out. You deserve a night out, he is prolly jealous and doesn't want you to do anything in fear of finding someone better. Good luck to you. I am glad this board is helping you some. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 My first idea yes, was that he is having an affair but OP seems not to think that. Yes, I am remarried. I have my kids every other week and one night during my "off" week. I have a long commute because they are not in school in the middle between his house and mine yet. My new husband already owned a house in the bordering state and I moved into there. The kids have their own rooms, and actually things are just as nice for them at my house now as at their dad's. Their new grandparents, my husbands parents, spoil them. It was hard in the beginning asking them to come to the apartment when they had always had a home. They had to share a bedroom but I made it through it all to better times! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alturrnababe Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 ok hi mz.pixie...did you mean that I don't seem to think he's having an affair? Did you ever suggest that to me? Just curious.take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Yes, Slub that could be true. I'm not saying he's cheating. He's just not home enough. Regardless of the reason, women get tired of being left alone all the time. Actually, now that I go back and look I just agreed with Slub that he could be. My exhusband wasn't cheating when he was away from home, but he wasn't away as much during the week as your husband is. He has all the signs of someone who is cheating. Have you ever thought about checking his cell phone bill or following him??? If you caught him perhaps he would go to marriage counseling or at least you'd have some evidence to get more out of him in a divorce if you left him. Link to post Share on other sites
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