Sometimes 'come over to my place and watch some Netflix' really does mean come over to my place and watch some Netflix

[Alpacalia]

37 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

The lady who I said is thirty years older than me we can talk on the phone for upwards of two hours

Teehee.

You're not having conversations with these women, at least not according to the opening post. It was talk about grapes and cheese and oral sex. Not exactly deep conversations there. 

Edited March 4 by Alpacalia

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Teehee.

You're not having conversations with these women, at least not according to the opening post. It was talk about grapes and cheese and oral sex. Not exactly deep conversations there. 

Lol yes that does become a part of it at times. Grapes and cheese and oral sex are still far better conversation points though than ex husbands that they are fighting with. Children that are causing them problems. How they can't afford the things they want. Many many more problems they are having with their lives.

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Sony12 said:

Lol yes that does become a part of it at times. Grapes and cheese and oral sex are still far better conversation points though than ex husbands that they are fighting with. Children that are causing them problems. How they can't afford the things they want. Many many more problems they are having with their lives.

Oral sex is a great conversation point, but only after the great cheese conversation! I had an Aunt in England who used to eat 4 ozs of Truffle Cheddar Gueyere for breakfast. I loved cheese too and basically can't find the same stuff here.

Well, here's hoping you have many more oral sex and grapes and cheese in your near future!

Edited March 5 by Alpacalia

[GypsyArcher]

It sounds like both of you were waiting for the other to take the lead, and when neither of you did, you mutually interpreted it as disinterest on the other person's end.

She probably wanted you to be more aggressive. She could have really nervous about getting the ball all the way rolling.

If you really liked her though, why not try again?

 

[Sony12]

4 hours ago, GypsyArcher said:

It sounds like both of you were waiting for the other to take the lead, and when neither of you did, you mutually interpreted it as disinterest on the other person's end.

She probably wanted you to be more aggressive. She could have really nervous about getting the ball all the way rolling.

If you really liked her though, why not try again?

 

It definitely wasn't a situation where there wasn't enough aggressiveness going on. She did end up sending me a quick message eventually (and a couple of exchanges followed) and it does seem that going back to her place on the first date didn't end up being the best decision.

Edited March 6 by Sony12

[ZA Dater]

9 hours ago, Sony12 said:

It definitely wasn't a situation where there wasn't enough aggressiveness going on. She did end up sending me a quick message eventually (and a couple of exchanges followed) and it does seem that going back to her place on the first date didn't end up being the best decision.

To be fair I think perhaps on the first date going back to her place especially considering the age difference was not a good idea but me, I would wonder if she was so keen to bring you back and delved in sexual talk so easily, how many other guys might she have on the go at the same time.

[SlimShadysWife]

Dirty talk is just fantasy doesn't mean anything in real-life lol

[FredEire]

I think a big thing on dating apps is people think they want to date, or are horny and want a hookup with whatever person they are chatting with, and are comfortable chatting and sexting but when they actually meet up they realise they don't want anything or start to question their dating habits in general.

I hear so many stories of people who had incredible excitement and chemistry on the first meeting or before it, and then suddenly... nothing. It's happened to me personally as well more times than I'd like.

Part of it is probably the thought that there is something new, better and more exciting always just around the corner, which comes with endless swiping and matching on the apps. I often fall into this mentality myself.

Edited March 6 by FredEire

[ZA Dater]

8 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I think a big thing on dating apps is people think they want to date, or are horny and want a hookup with whatever person they are chatting with, and are comfortable chatting and sexting but when they actually meet up they realise they don't want anything or start to question their dating habits in general.

I hear so many stories of people who had incredible excitement and chemistry on the first meeting or before it, and then suddenly... nothing. It's happened to me personally as well more times than I'd like.

Part of it is probably the thought that there is something new, better and more exciting always just around the corner, which comes with endless swiping and matching on the apps. I often fall into this mentality myself.

I have had it many times the texting is great and the meet up falls completely flat and there is zero attraction. Probably why its best to meet up fairly quickly.

[FredEire]

6 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I have had it many times the texting is great and the meet up falls completely flat and there is zero attraction. Probably why its best to meet up fairly quickly.

Well that can happen because you don't know eachother and an OLD profile at the end of the day doesn't give you much.

It can happen a lot though even when the first meeting(s) go really well. People who are successful at OLD (meaning most women and some men) have so many options it's easy to get lost in it or go cold quickly.

[ZA Dater]

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

Well that can happen because you don't know eachother and an OLD profile at the end of the day doesn't give you much.

It can happen a lot though even when the first meeting(s) go really well. People who are successful at OLD (meaning most women and some men) have so many options it's easy to get lost in it or go cold quickly.

Agreed I suppose that is why in a scenario like the OP its probably better in some respects to see how far the interaction can based on the fact many people on OLD are not really looking for a relationship to begin with. I sometimes wonder if the OP point of view is more correct than my "plan a second date and see what happens". 

[Sony12]

33 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

To be fair I think perhaps on the first date going back to her place especially considering the age difference was not a good idea but me, I would wonder if she was so keen to bring you back and delved in sexual talk so easily, how many other guys might she have on the go at the same time.

All you can do in these situations is take people for their word (if they aren't being honest there is nothing you can do about that) and she did clearly state she had never done anything like this before and hadn't ever been involved with someone younger before.

In general the people who are most comfortable in these types of scenarios are those who have experience with it.

[FredEire]

1 minute ago, ZA Dater said:

Agreed I suppose that is why in a scenario like the OP its probably better in some respects to see how far the interaction can based on the fact many people on OLD are not really looking for a relationship to begin with. I sometimes wonder if the OP point of view is more correct than my "plan a second date and see what happens". 

I think in the case of hook-up scenarios if you meet up and sex is possible but it still isn't happening it's better to just leave it.

[Wiseman2]

It's pretty clear once you got there in person, she chickened out, especially since she warned you about not being used to this type of thing. Try to forget about it. You like the thrill of gambling to get lucky and in this case it was a losing hand. 

[Acacia98]

On 3/4/2024 at 12:01 AM, FredEire said:

In some womens' minds it needs to be entirely their choice, you thought she was a decent woman and you were genuinely coming back to hers to watch a Netflix series but then whoops! she decides to rudely interrupt your watching of it by taking her clothes off. If you expect her to do it though then it ain't happening, she's not a whore and she doesn't do that kind of thing.

I think that's where you went wrong in this case, you had an expectation and that made her feel like you were using her and only wanted one thing. She wanted to know that you were happy going back to hers planning to watch Netflix, and nothing more, especially given you are much younger than her.

You know, it's highly possible you're right. But what would bug me in this scenario is the assumption on her part that the guy would enjoy this specific series. I mean, three whole episodes that may very well leave him bored... Damn! That plus the mind games (that's how I read the bait and switch) tell me she's not a particularly considerate person.

Changing her mind was 100% okay, but then continuing to hold him hostage to her agenda instead of giving him an out was not right.

[FredEire]

1 minute ago, Acacia98 said:

You know, it's highly possible you're right. But what would bug me in this scenario is the assumption on her part that the guy would enjoy this specific series. I mean, three whole episodes that may very well leave him bored... Damn! That plus the mind games (that's how I read the bait and switch) tell me she's not a particularly considerate person.

Changing her mind was 100% okay, but then continuing to hold him hostage to her agenda instead of giving him an out was not right.

Maybe not, but I don't think it's always entirely intentional.

"I don't usually do this/I didn't expect we were going to hook up tonight" is a bit of a cliche for a reason. It's not judged well socially for women to sleep around so the narrative has to be a bit different.

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Agreed I suppose that is why in a scenario like the OP its probably better in some respects to see how far the interaction can based on the fact many people on OLD are not really looking for a relationship to begin with. I sometimes wonder if the OP point of view is more correct than my "plan a second date and see what happens". 

It really depends on the specific situation the two of you are in. If you both clearly state that you are looking for something serious than it is better to wait until the second date. If there is a lot of naughty talk though and both sides clearly suggest sex is possible on the first date it often is better to see what the chances of first date sex really are 

[Sony12]

2 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

You know, it's highly possible you're right. But what would bug me in this scenario is the assumption on her part that the guy would enjoy this specific series. I mean, three whole episodes that may very well leave him bored... Damn! That plus the mind games (that's how I read the bait and switch) tell me she's not a particularly considerate person.

Changing her mind was 100% okay, but then continuing to hold him hostage to her agenda instead of giving him an out was not right.

While she very likely decided she didn't want to have sex we still made out while watching the show a bit and she would put her hands around my crotch area. So she likely still wanted a little bit even if she decided she wanted me to keep my clothes on.

Once the episodes that she hadn't watched before began (she had already watched the first two) that is when she decided to put a halt on  even the making out and I decided to leave shortly after that. I wasn't really at her place to watch TV with her and if watching TV was the main thing she wanted to do once the material came on that was new to her than it was better that I go ahead and leave.

[Acacia98]

8 hours ago, FredEire said:

Maybe not, but I don't think it's always entirely intentional.

"I don't usually do this/I didn't expect we were going to hook up tonight" is a bit of a cliche for a reason. It's not judged well socially for women to sleep around so the narrative has to be a bit different.

Yeah. It's not always consciously done. I am a woman, so I'm not exactly on the outside looking in. 😁

I'm sensitive to the subtleties of how people treat others when they're hosting them. So I can't help judging her treatment of him.

5 hours ago, Sony12 said:

While she very likely decided she didn't want to have sex we still made out while watching the show a bit and she would put her hands around my crotch area. So she likely still wanted a little bit even if she decided she wanted me to keep my clothes on.

Once the episodes that she hadn't watched before began (she had already watched the first two) that is when she decided to put a halt on  even the making out and I decided to leave shortly after that. I wasn't really at her place to watch TV with her and if watching TV was the main thing she wanted to do once the material came on that was new to her than it was better that I go ahead and leave.

I hear you. If I were in your shoes, I would have assumed that she was using passive aggression to show that she was bored/done. So I would have left too. 

[Wiseman2]

Try not to take it personally. If TV is more exciting to her than you are you're not a match and she just wasn't attracted or changed her mind after she saw you in person. No strings hookups aren't for everyone, but if you want that maybe you'll have to set things up differently 

[Alpacalia]

Based on your post, it seems like the woman genuinely wanted to watch the show and spend time with you, but you were expecting something more sexual. It could be that you're used to older women being more forward and were surprised when this woman wasn't. I understand that you're driven by sex and have talked about it a lot on this forum. However, not all women are looking to just have a quick physical encounter. Some may want to get to know you first and develop a rapport before being intimate. 

Not every woman is going to sleep with you within 10-15 minutes just because you're attractive and younger. Some may genuinely want to get to know you and maybe even develop a bit of rapport and get comfortable with you, knowing full well that they do want sex with you... later. It's not always going to happen within 30 minutes of coming to their home.

If I were you, I'd learn right quick that not every woman is just trying to bang some hot young stud. I'm not saying that was your experience the other night, but if you had allowed things a little more time and got a little more comfortable, perhaps there would have been a blanket and cuddling on the couch during episode #5.

Yes, I'm aware that's not what you're after. But 'they' can't be expected to go at your pace. I think that's something you need to learn and accept more as you travel down your avenue of joyful sex and or exploits.

Join a hook up site or go to a bar, find a willing and horny woman, have your night of wild sex, rinse and repeat.

Edited March 7 by Alpacalia

[Sony12]

36 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Based on your post, it seems like the woman genuinely wanted to watch the show and spend time with you, but you were expecting something more sexual. It could be that you're used to older women being more forward and were surprised when this woman wasn't. I understand that you're driven by sex and have talked about it a lot on this forum. However, not all women are looking to just have a quick physical encounter. Some may want to get to know you first and develop a rapport before being intimate. 

Not every woman is going to sleep with you within 10-15 minutes just because you're attractive and younger. Some may genuinely want to get to know you and maybe even develop a bit of rapport and get comfortable with you, knowing full well that they do want sex with you... later. It's not always going to happen within 30 minutes of coming to their home.

If I were you, I'd learn right quick that not every woman is just trying to bang some hot young stud. I'm not saying that was your experience the other night, but if you had allowed things a little more time and got a little more comfortable, perhaps there would have been a blanket and cuddling on the couch during episode #5.

Yes, I'm aware that's not what you're after. But 'they' can't be expected to go at your pace. I think that's something you need to learn and accept more as you travel down your avenue of joyful sex and or exploits.

Join a hook up site or go to a bar, find a willing and horny woman, have your night of wild sex, rinse and repeat.

Oh I completely know that some women prefer to take it slower. However in my opinion most women who get real heavy into the naughty talk prior to meeting (to the point that they even say they are buying things for the two of you to use) generally are primarily looking for one thing from the situation. 

I completely understand that minds can change but I think most guys would go into the situation with expectations given those circumstances.

 

[Sony12]

And those expectations wouldn't really be to actually watch four hours of television when she clearly said that we wouldn't be watching the show we put on.

[ZA Dater]

14 hours ago, Sony12 said:

It really depends on the specific situation the two of you are in. If you both clearly state that you are looking for something serious than it is better to wait until the second date. If there is a lot of naughty talk though and both sides clearly suggest sex is possible on the first date it often is better to see what the chances of first date sex really are 

Agreed, I think if its nothing is stated it just leads to confusion as to what people are looking for. Of course then you get "not looking for a hookup" in their profile but yet things quickly start heading that direction when communication starts, this for me is quite confusing. Agreed, I think the chances are actually never determine by how much naughty talk there is but rather how everything translates into in person communication and attraction.

For what its worth I think your particular niche dating is probably not a bad idea if you can attract people who you find attractive.

[FredEire]

8 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Agreed, I think if its nothing is stated it just leads to confusion as to what people are looking for. Of course then you get "not looking for a hookup" in their profile but yet things quickly start heading that direction when communication starts, this for me is quite confusing. Agreed, I think the chances are actually never determine by how much naughty talk there is but rather how everything translates into in person communication and attraction.

For what its worth I think your particular niche dating is probably not a bad idea if you can attract people who you find attractive.

I've had a few hookups with girls with "no ONS" in their profile, and it was usually initiated by them. I think a lot of the time it's when they have a lot of hook-ups but aren't particularly proud of it after the fact and aspire to a relationship in theory. But people get horny and sometimes in the moment it changes. There just isn't a taboo there for guys, in fact having lots of hook-ups is seen as a sign of prestige when it really shouldn't be.

Edited March 7 by FredEire