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I came back after a couple of years.

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I am not sure why. I have no questions about my marriage or life right now. I can say that I am somewhat lonely and always remember enjoying the friendly chatter here.

This being my 9k post....here is an update...although most don't know me. It was over 18 years ago that I joined. I will have to check on some of my old "friends." Some who I have followed have also left, so I may message them.

I am healthy and getting older. I am working but plan on semi-retiring in a few years. 

If you do a search to see my past threads/posts,  yes, I am still married after all these years. Yes, it is still sexless for the most part. Yes, we are friends. Yes, I am glad that I stayed. 

But i need someone to talk to sometimes who is outside of my world and may understand my problems. So I came back after stumbling on a post while doing a google search for something unrelated.

Maybe this will help my loneliness by commenting on posts. It did in the past. Maybe it won't, and then I will quietly fade away for awhile again. 

Anyhow, since there is no introduction area, I simply wanted to say hello again.



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2 hours ago, JamesM said:

I am healthy and getting older.


I am not the most frequent here or anything but have been more active lately-  enjoy them type of philosophical posts,

Healthy sounds a good start- so what about the getting older- Does that bother you?

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Getting older bothers me...yet doesn't.

First I don't feel older even though I am now doing stuff that means I am getting older. I am planning on retirement in a few years. I have purchased a cemetery plot and designing the stone. I am realizing that most of my years are behind me.

And yet, in my mind I still feel like I am in my thirties or forties. My mind keeps telling me not to worry...you are still young yet.

While my body isn't as quick or strong as it once was, it still can fool me into believing that it really isn't THAT much older.

And yet I know differently. I think I am fairly understanding of it.

Still there is something missing....the question is what.

I never did have that midlife crisis. Is it too late to have one?



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On 2/24/2024 at 4:33 AM, JamesM said:

I am realizing that most of my years are behind me.

I suppose best way to look at that is that many dont make it that far.

not sure I can answer you on the midlife crisis one- 

I am younger than you- early 40s- though I am probably also at the stage where realising I dont have as many years to spare or whatever,

where I am at- well in terms of relationships- as that is the topic you mention,

the societal norm in my country is that I should be married with kids by now and that has not happened,

Ive had a few relationships-maybe two that could have been marriage material- Plan is making a final play this year on the one I always felt was the one,

my gut feeling you know is that its not going to happen- I think we will always have a brother/sister thing maybe in the future but that the other hope is gone,

Otherwise- perhaps if I meet other interesting ladies nowadays- because of the age I am at- well I think could this be the woman I am going to spend the rest of life with- where as 10/15 years ago, obviously them thoughts were not especially on my mind.

I think there are always other interesting possibilities ahead so maybe that would be my message to you-

you made your relationship choice and your happy enough- have a look at what exploring or what projects you could yet make your mark in.




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The worse kind of loneliness is the one we experience from within a relationship.

After my divorce l was single 8 years and never experienced loneliness during that period. 

You wish to be happy in an unhappy marriage, It like you want to combat alcoholism but while keeping on drinking.

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Hello and welcome back, @JamesM! Pretty sure I remember you. 🙂  Glad you are (mostly) doing well?

Edited by Els
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Just sounds like you want some camaraderie and to talk to others who may understand your situation and offer outside perspectives and support. Coming back to a familiar place, even if it's virtual, can be comforting and help with feelings of loneliness. It's great that you found this community helpful in the past and I hope you find what you're looking for this time around as well. Welcome back and hello again!

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