Ab3GG Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 I (F48) have been hanging out with someone (M55) for a couple of years as friends through a shared hobby. He has made some comments that lead me to believe he is interested in being more than friends. I am hesitant because I am seeing what I feel are red flags but am wondering if I am being too harsh. Some of the things I call red flags - he cheated on his ex-wife when they were married, he has no relationship with his mother, sister, son and daughter. He is a workaholic, one of the first things he told me when we met was that he dated a woman that was over twenty years younger than him (felt like a brag), he will often speak of women negatively, example he called his office manager a bad name even though she is the longest lasting relationship he has had in his life. He has always been nice to be but I kind of feel that’s because I’m not too close. Thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 Yes those are all definitely red flags and I would pass on him. People who we keep at arms length are usually nice to us. From the way he sounds if you do end up getting involved keep your expectations low and don't fall for him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 Agree that has always been nice to you but I kind of feel that’s because I’m not too close . These would be red flags if you were dating or considering dating. But since that's not the case, enjoy the friendship and maintain boundaries. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 He sounds like a pretty toxic person to be around, IMO. A few of the single items you mentioned wouldn't be too alarming if it were just 1 thing. But taken together that sounds like someone I wouldn't even want to be friends with. I'd cut that whole thing off and find someone with a better moral compass. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 Nope, there is a reason he can't mantain close relationships even with his own children. I would steer very clear of this man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 47 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Nope, there is a reason he can't mantain close relationships even with his own children. I would steer very clear of this man. Despite my best intentions, always being a loving, caring father, when we got divorced my ex poisoned my children against me. Today, my daughters rarely reach out to me and when they do it's because they need $. After chasing them for years trying to keep some sort of connection, I finally threw my hands up in the air and decided to live my own life, but my door is open if they ever decide to come knocking. According to you, women should steer clear of me. Even though I've been in several long term relationships including with my current wife and we get along quite well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 4 minutes ago, semble said: According to you, women should steer clear of me. Even though I've been in several long term relationships including with my current wife and we get along quite well. Huh? No, I did not make such a sweeping generalizaton. I am speaking about this man, who evdiently is the common denominator in many fractured relatonships. Not just with his kids. So yes, she should steer clear of this man. This post isn't about you or your situation with your children. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 You didn't even mention one reason that you would like to get closer with this man .. except that he is "nice" to you. Otherwise ... all bad. So what is your question exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 20 Share Posted February 20 You’ve described the average sexist/misogynist. They’re only nice to women when they want something, and only women in close relationships with them know the real person and how nasty they are. Next time he says something negative about a female try calling him out, ask him why he puts women down so often. You’ll only have the potential power to get through to him while you’re a prospect, the moment you become a conquest you’ll cease to have any value to him and the diminishing will begin. Personally I think all misogynistic men should be burned at the stake, but that’s just me 😊. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 18 hours ago, MsJayne said: Personally I think all misogynistic men should be burned at the stake, but that’s just me 😆 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 21 Share Posted February 21 On 2/19/2024 at 4:12 PM, Ab3GG said: but am wondering if I am being too harsh. You are not being too harsh. Ignore those red flags at your own peril. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 On 2/20/2024 at 8:43 AM, NuevoYorko said: You didn't even mention one reason that you would like to get closer with this man .. except that he is "nice" to you. Otherwise ... all bad. Sometimes that's all it takes, particularly if there aren't other romantic interests in the picture (or sometimes even if there are). OP, I agree with the essentially unanimous suggestions above to steer clear. Life eventually teaches us to run away from, not towards, the red flags/dysfunction, and you would be wise to heed that lesson. Look for someone who's more capable of being a good partner. Link to post Share on other sites
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