Family Scapegoat

[happyhorizons]

3 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

THANK YOU. I hope so. 🙂

You are so welcome....you can handle it or YOU GOT THIS.🙂

[Foxhall]

 I imagine your Father loves both of his beautiful girls equally, and does not want animosity between you,

maybe your sister feels subconsciously as the "black sheep of the family" and she is a little jealous of your standing as the main carer,

but I agree of course it is unfair of her to be playing these games and trying to undermine you,

I suppose ultimately you have the responsibility coming so important to keep a clear head and perhaps  best ignore your sister for a while.

need to be careful not get too stressed yourself also, keep calm and try to blank out her untimely negativity.

 

[Alpacalia]

34 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

 I imagine your Father loves both of his beautiful girls equally, and does not want animosity between you,

maybe your sister feels subconsciously as the "black sheep of the family" and she is a little jealous of your standing as the main carer,

but I agree of course it is unfair of her to be playing these games and trying to undermine you,

I suppose ultimately you have the responsibility coming so important to keep a clear head and perhaps  best ignore your sister for a while.

need to be careful not get too stressed yourself also, keep calm and try to blank out her untimely negativity.

 

Thank you so much!

These past couple of days I felt like I was going crazy.

My sister has no reason to be jealous, she has not once offered to take in my mother (that I took in when she was ill, because my sister wouldn't) and now our father.

As a matter of fact, one of the first things my sister said to me after our father's stroke was "(my name), you're going to have to take Dad because my time is best served making money."

She says, "that out of all of us siblings, she is the one that will make the most money in our family and that her time is best served putting her talents to use not taking care of parent." She spends a lot of her money traveling, partying, and shopping. Which is fine, that is her prerogative, but she cannot tell me with a straight face that she is busier and more important than anyone else.

She said about my brothers that they are useless people just taking up space and that the world needs her more than them. I was flabbegasted after she said that. I mean, I get siblings fight, but to say that the world needs you more than your other siblings is grossly arrogant. 

I am happy to take care of our Dad because I love him, but her attitude about it all just adds more stress to the situation. I do need to keep a clear head, thank you for the reminder!

[happyhorizons]

12 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Thank you so much!

These past couple of days I felt like I was going crazy.

My sister has no reason to be jealous, she has not once offered to take in my mother (that I took in when she was ill, because my sister wouldn't) and now our father.

As a matter of fact, one of the first things my sister said to me after our father's stroke was "(my name), you're going to have to take Dad because my time is best served making money."

She says, "that out of all of us siblings, she is the one that will make the most money in our family and that her time is best served putting her talents to use not taking care of parent." She spends a lot of her money traveling, partying, and shopping. Which is fine, that is her prerogative, but she cannot tell me with a straight face that she is busier and more important than anyone else.

She said about my brothers that they are useless people just taking up space and that the world needs her more than them. I was flabbegasted after she said that. I mean, I get siblings fight, but to say that the world needs you more than your other siblings is grossly arrogant. 

I am happy to take care of our Dad because I love him, but her attitude about it all just adds more stress to the situation. I do need to keep a clear head, thank you for the reminder!

Your sister does not seem like someone that shares your level of compassion and caring and seems to be very self-absorbed.  You cannot ALLOW her to affect your actions and your mental well being.  You are simply TOO GOOD of a person to buy into her drama.  She will do her and you should do YOU.  Having said, it is hard NOT to want to save/cure/help your flesh and blood but first things first and the first thing is your Dad.  It is definitely A LOT for you to juggle but again YOU CAN DO IT.....and you WILL DO IT. 

[Alpacalia]

Thank you!

In any event, I reached out to my father's health insurance agent, the one my sister was tasked with the past two months to handle, and got him signed up for health insurance in my state.

I also made calls to local resources, such as social services and senior centers, to see what assistance they can provide for my father.

It's disheartening to see that my sister has changed so much. She used to be such a kind and empathetic person, always showing care and compassion towards me and others.

Something inside her, just got twisted in a different direction after she cheated on her spouse and left everyone behind to live in Mexico for three years without any communication. She returned to the United States after her ex-husband urged her to take care of their 16-year-old daughter, who had been struggling emotionally without her mother. 

I can only imagine the toll it must have taken on her to leave her family and home behind for so long and then deal with the guilt of hurting her loved ones through infidelity. It's not easy to face our mistakes, but I'm proud of her for coming back and taking responsibility for her daughter's well-being. I can understand her need for space and time to sort through her emotions.

She left three messages with my Mom for me to call her about our father, instead of calling me directly and not telling me what it was about. I tried calling her, and her phone was shut off. I tried emailing her... Nothing. So...

In light of the recent situation, I informed my mother that if my sister needs to discuss our father with me, she can reach out to me directly by dialing my phone number. Otherwise, I DO NOT want to receive nor hear about messages from her to me through my mother or anyone else, it only adds more stress and confusion to an already difficult situation.

I am truly grateful for the kind and supportive messages from the group. It has been a tough situation to navigate, but knowing that there are people who are willing to offer advice and support has been very comforting.

Edited March 26 by Alpacalia

[happyhorizons]

33 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Thank you!

In any event, I reached out to my father's health insurance agent, the one my sister was tasked with the past two months to handle, and got him signed up for health insurance in my state.

I also made calls to local resources, such as social services and senior centers, to see what assistance they can provide for my father.

It's disheartening to see that my sister has changed so much. She used to be such a kind and empathetic person, always showing care and compassion towards me and others.

Something inside her, just got twisted in a different direction after she cheated on her spouse and left everyone behind to live in Mexico for three years without any communication. She returned to the United States after her ex-husband urged her to take care of their 16-year-old daughter, who had been struggling emotionally without her mother. 

I can only imagine the toll it must have taken on her to leave her family and home behind for so long and then deal with the guilt of hurting her loved ones through infidelity. It's not easy to face our mistakes, but I'm proud of her for coming back and taking responsibility for her daughter's well-being. I can understand her need for space and time to sort through her emotions.

She left three messages with my Mom for me to call her about our father, instead of calling me directly and not telling me what it was about. I tried calling her, and her phone was shut off. I tried emailing her... Nothing. So...

In light of the recent situation, I informed my mother that if my sister needs to discuss our father with me, she can reach out to me directly by dialing my phone number. Otherwise, I DO NOT want to receive nor hear about messages from her to me through my mother or anyone else, it only adds more stress and confusion to an already difficult situation.

I am truly grateful for the kind and supportive messages from the group. It has been a tough situation to navigate, but knowing that there are people who are willing to offer advice and support has been very comforting.

You are on the right path A and as I stated above YOU GOT THIS.  I think that you have the ability to focus on what needs to be done and then DO IT.  Your sister is evidently dealing with her own "demons" and really needs all sorts of help.  I hope you have a wonderful Holiday Weekend and that you can rest and recharge.🙂

[Alpacalia]

56 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

You are on the right path A and as I stated above YOU GOT THIS.  I think that you have the ability to focus on what needs to be done and then DO IT.  Your sister is evidently dealing with her own "demons" and really needs all sorts of help.  I hope you have a wonderful Holiday Weekend and that you can rest and recharge.🙂

Thanks...🙂

Yes, I am going to a meet-up event this week and a hike event another day so I hope to get some fresh air and rejuvenate.

Also hit the gym again as I had a week off and that helps me.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend too!

Edited March 26 by Alpacalia

[happyhorizons]

3 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Thanks...🙂

Yes, I am going to a meet-up event this week and a hike event another day so I hope to get some fresh air and rejuvenate.

Also hit the gym again as I had a week off and that helps me.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend too!

That's a great attitude.  You have to push forward with your life and do things that you enjoy because you owe that to yourself.  I LOVE my time at the gym and going for a run because those are ME TIMES and they get the blood pumping and seem to energize you.  Again, you will get it all figured out so don't overly stress yourself if it doesn't happen all at once just know that YOU WILL HANDLE IT......

[Alpacalia]

So Dad is now staying with me. 

It's been quite an adjustment, what is the hardest, is seeing him in the state he is in. He can walk with a cane but he can't do much else without assistance (he's paralyzed on the right arm and hand).

It's very challenging to witness my once strong and independent father struggle with simple tasks. I broke down in tears the other day.

However, I am grateful to have him here with me so I can take care of him and make his life a little easier. One of the biggest changes has been adapting to his routine and helping him with everything he needs. I have to make sure he takes his medications on time and I have to assist him with eating, getting dressed and numerous other things.

My relationship with my sister is a bit more peaceful these days albeit I don't feel I can ever really trust her. She helps out when she can, but it's kind of like well, your taking care of him now and I have my own life. Anyway, it's challenging to go to school, work and caregive full time so I'm not sure how I am going to manage it all but I am doing my best. 

If anyone is going through a similar situation I feel for you. It's definitely not easy but I am trying to stay positive and cherish the time I have with my dad. We may not have the same dynamic we once had, which has been so tough to accept, but I am grateful for every moment we have together.

Edited April 10 by Alpacalia

[happyhorizons]

4 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

So Dad is now staying with me. 

It's been quite an adjustment, what is the hardest, is seeing him in the state he is in. He can walk with a cane but he can't do much else without assistance (he's paralyzed on the right arm and hand).

It's very challenging to witness my once strong and independent father struggle with simple tasks. I broke down in tears the other day.

However, I am grateful to have him here with me so I can take care of him and make his life a little easier. One of the biggest changes has been adapting to his routine and helping him with everything he needs. I have to make sure he takes his medications on time and I have to assist him with eating, getting dressed and numerous other things.

My relationship with my sister is a bit more peaceful these days albeit I don't feel I can ever really trust her. She helps out when she can, but it's kind of like well, your taking care of him now and I have my own life. Anyway, it's challenging to go to school, work and caregive full time so I'm not sure how I am going to manage it all but I am doing my best. 

If anyone is going through a similar situation I feel for you. It's definitely not easy but I am trying to stay positive and cherish the time I have with my dad. We may not have the same dynamic we once had, which has been so tough to accept, but I am grateful for every moment we have together.

I am sure that he is so happy to be with you.  It was very obvious that you would rise to the challenge and make it work. I think is a testament to the quality person you are and how you were raised so Bravo to you. 

[Alpacalia]

23 hours ago, happyhorizons said:

I am sure that he is so happy to be with you.  It was very obvious that you would rise to the challenge and make it work. I think is a testament to the quality person you are and how you were raised so Bravo to you. 

He genuinely is. Thank you so much. 🙏

He had a bit of a fall the other day but I was able to catch him in time. Phew!

[happyhorizons]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

He genuinely is. Thank you so much. 🙏

He had a bit of a fall the other day but I was able to catch him in time. Phew!

You are a blessing you really are.  I am so glad that HE has you.  This is great news to read. 

[Foxhall]

Very good @ alpacalia, echoing he is lucky to have you,

Hopefully he will get to a point where he grows stronger again,

you need a break also so perhaps the rest of your family can assist in that regard for some of the week even.

 

[Alpacalia]

6 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Very good @ alpacalia, echoing he is lucky to have you,

Hopefully he will get to a point where he grows stronger again,

you need a break also so perhaps the rest of your family can assist in that regard for some of the week even.

 

Thanks! My brother has been great, he is really stepping up to to plate and helping whereas before he was like "I just want to leave and say f it" where helping my father is concerned.

He helps a lot so I am super grateful for that.

My father has a another slight fall today, I was putting together an ottoman and he used to love fixing things and was so active in that regard. So I was like, why don't you come and help me? He tried to sit on the floor next to me, and fell backwards. But there was a couch and he kind of bounced into the couch and we just started laughing. I said, "why don't you just help me with the ottoman with you sitting on the couch." Nonetheless, I couldn't figure out how to put it together, he still knew, and showed me how.

I tell ya, it's one thing that's super hard to watch a parent  slowly deteriorate before your very eyes, let alone your own father whom you've always seen as larger than life. But it also makes you question your own mortality too. Makes you think that nothing lasts forever and to cherish everything and everyone that you have now. That's for sure.