Alpacalia Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 32 minutes ago, JuniorGB said: I appreciate the feedback it gives me a lot to think about. I just date with attentions because eventually I want to be married and propose to someone special. I'm also family orientated so I want to find someone special that my mom and aunts will approve off. I have a knack for that. But take into account that love isn't a checklist or a game plan, and sometimes the things you think you want may not be what you actually need. I say that because I need to follow my heart more often. Don't let your strict standards and perfectionism hold you back from potentially finding love with someone who may not fit your initial criteria but could be perfect for you. As for your family, their approval is important but ultimately, it's your happiness that matters most. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes the best things in life come unexpectedly. With that in mind, why say you were busy, was there a genuine reason behind it or were you nervous and unsure how to follow up with the person or were you simply trying to play it cool and not come off as too eager? Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 You both talked about your “upbringing, lives and culture”. Are you both very different? Does she have a life of her own or career/goals/ambitions? She may not see eye to eye with you or thinks you’re too intense or your schedules don’t match or she doesn’t want the hassle of dating outside her culture if your backgrounds are different. Heck, she may be still in a different phase of her life compared to you or she doesn’t want anything serious at all. If you haven’t heard back by now, a day since you created this thread, I doubt she’s interested or looking for the same things you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuniorGB Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 5 hours ago, Alpacalia said: I have a knack for that. But take into account that love isn't a checklist or a game plan, and sometimes the things you think you want may not be what you actually need. I say that because I need to follow my heart more often. Don't let your strict standards and perfectionism hold you back from potentially finding love with someone who may not fit your initial criteria but could be perfect for you. As for your family, their approval is important but ultimately, it's your happiness that matters most. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes the best things in life come unexpectedly. With that in mind, why say you were busy, was there a genuine reason behind it or were you nervous and unsure how to follow up with the person or were you simply trying to play it cool and not come off as too eager? Yeah you caught me on the perfectionism I’m a Virgo. I wanted to play it cool and and come across as too eager, desperate, or clingy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JuniorGB Posted February 16 Author Share Posted February 16 1 hour ago, glows said: You both talked about your “upbringing, lives and culture”. Are you both very different? Does she have a life of her own or career/goals/ambitions? She may not see eye to eye with you or thinks you’re too intense or your schedules don’t match or she doesn’t want the hassle of dating outside her culture if your backgrounds are different. Heck, she may be still in a different phase of her life compared to you or she doesn’t want anything serious at all. If you haven’t heard back by now, a day since you created this thread, I doubt she’s interested or looking for the same things you are. Yeah she’s Indian and I’m Mexican. And yes she’s software engineer and I’m an attorney. Yeah I had the thought and I haven’t heard from here so I just decided to move on too. I do feel like i fumbled it with my follow up message “with busy, taking it slow, etc”. Dating is tough and I do shoot my self in the foot for overthinking it. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 I think the inherent problem you are having here is a indecision about following up. You can look at this two ways, try engage in some text conversation, note how long it takes her to reply, if its hours then that is good, if its days then start hoisting up the red flag because that is not an indication of interest unless there is a fundamental reason for such a slow reply. Of course its normal to want to follow up with the view of actually having that interest reciprocated but when you feel like that might not be the case its easy to not follow up. In your position I would definitely try determine her degree of interest before going out on a limb and asking for another date. Or you can thrown caution to the wind and simply ask her out on another date. In your mind you need to rely on the positive impression and experience you had on the date and view that as interest to a degree. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 That's ok. All you can do is be more yourself next time instead of playing it cool. It's interesting that you now mention you're from different cultures. That can definitely affect dating dynamics and expectations. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 I agree with the rest, "take it slow" usually means they want to casual date either because they aren't over someone or just don't want a relationship at the moment. So it really depends if she's cool with dating and hooking up for a while or if she's looking for more and would get her feelings hurt. If casual is what you want I'd be honest with her and see where she's at with you. Save yourself the hassle of being two people on different wavelengths. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 7 hours ago, JuniorGB said: Yeah you caught me on the perfectionism I’m a Virgo. I wanted to play it cool and and come across as too eager, desperate, or clingy. It's endearing that you feel perfectionism is the root cause. It may have some influence on your behavior, but I don't think this is the true cause. I think it's most likely lack of experience and the nervousness / anxiety around it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted February 16 Share Posted February 16 10 hours ago, JuniorGB said: Yeah she’s Indian and I’m Mexican. And yes she’s software engineer and I’m an attorney. Yeah I had the thought and I haven’t heard from here so I just decided to move on too. I do feel like i fumbled it with my follow up message “with busy, taking it slow, etc”. Dating is tough and I do shoot my self in the foot for overthinking it. I'd say the lesson is if you're feeling it don't talk about "taking it slow" as it sends the wrong message. Obviously you shouldn't be drowning her in love poems and kissy faces but it doesn't sound like you were doing that either. Just say you really enjoyed the date and you'd like to see her again and if the interest is mutual she'll agree. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 (edited) On 2/16/2024 at 10:50 AM, JuniorGB said: Yes I have time to date and for a girlfriend. With communication and boundaries anything is possible. If you have time to date, why did you have to give a warning about your work commitments? You are right that communication and boundaries anything possible. Truly anything! It can be a match made in heaven, or a match made in hell and you use your boundaries to get out...or anything in between Edited February 17 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
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