DP1995 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) My ex is from the USA and I'm from the UK. She ended things a year ago, claiming she couldn't do long distance anymore. That's reasonable and we stayed in touch, probably an unwise idea on my part because it hindered me from moving on and maybe subconsciously built up my hopes we could reunite. Now she likes a guy from the state of New Hampshire and she's from Georgia. They are both interested in each other, and she says she would date him if he asks her, although she says she's just seeing where it goes. She claims he planned to move to the south before they spoke but nothing is set in stone. Am I being unfair to feel confused and somewhat upset about this, when she stated the reason we didn't work out was long distance, and now she's interested in someone long distance? Maybe she feels it has a better chance due to it being within the same country. I don't want to unfairly judge and need viewpoints from people who don't know me and can look at it more objectively. Edited February 14 by DP1995 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 (edited) I don’t think it’s any of your concern who she is interested in dating as you are both single now and she is free to date whoever she chooses. This is the hardest thing when you “stay friends” with an ex - at some point, that person is going to date again and it’s hard to watch. For me, yes - someone who lives in the same country who was potentially moving to my area would be a much more reasonable choice of relationship partner than someone who lived across an ocean in another country. That said, I still wouldn’t chose to date someone who was not local - but that is her decision. Edited February 14 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author DP1995 Posted February 14 Author Share Posted February 14 5 hours ago, BaileyB said: I don’t think it’s any of your concern who she is interested in dating as you are both single now and she is free to date whoever she chooses. This is the hardest thing when you “stay friends” with an ex - at some point, that person is going to date again and it’s hard to watch. For me, yes - someone who lives in the same country who was potentially moving to my area would be a much more reasonable choice of relationship partner than someone who lived across an ocean in another country. That said, I still wouldn’t chose to date someone who was not local - but that is her decision. Yeah, you're totally right, I feel quite silly for equating the two situations, I can get very black and white about things when in a depressive state. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 11 hours ago, DP1995 said: Maybe she feels it has a better chance due to it being within the same country Well, yeah, of course - and she's right. But I am sure you already know this, and understand perfectly how the two situations are not really comparable. However, let this be your cue that you really need to let her go. Staying this close to the point where you're talking about her love life is not healthy. It's time for you to pull back and work towards truly moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 I see your point of view, she's contradicting herself. When you live in a big country travelling interstate can literally take longer than travelling overseas, (eg: I can travel to SE Asia from Australia in less time than it takes to get to the interstate back-of-beyond town where one of my sisters lives). For me, being told she's keen to date someone else would just motivate me to accept that it's completely over and fade the contact, because if she cared for you even just as a friend she wouldn't be rubbing your nose in her plans to date Mr New Hampshire. You'll meet someone else, and that someone else probably wouldn't be thrilled by the idea that you're carrying a torch for some long-gone woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 14 Share Posted February 14 Try not to feel nostalgic, remorseful or ruminate. Even if you're a bit depressed, it's better to let go and free yourself. It doesn't matter if she's running away to Timbuktu with someone. You're a free person now. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted February 22 Share Posted February 22 Why are you even still in touch with her and letting her talk to you about other guys she may be interested in dating, if it bothers you this much? She is your ex and she can do whatever she wants now. The best thing for you to do would be to stop talking to her and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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