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Feeling devastated after breaking up with a guy


AGrPerson

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Alpacalia
11 minutes ago, AGrPerson said:

When I say he didn't make me a priority, I mean he wouldn't answer my texts in a timely manner, we would talk whenever it was convenient for him, etc. He was totally different when we started talking to each other and that's why his change in behaviour had me puzzled.

How much of a priority did you feel was suitable for going on two dates with someone? The answer will likely be different for everyone of course. Maybe you feel that going on two dates means he should be making you higher priority, while others may feel that it is still early enough in the relationship to not require that level of attention.

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AGrPerson
1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

How much of a priority did you feel was suitable for going on two dates with someone? The answer will likely be different for everyone of course. Maybe you feel that going on two dates means he should be making you higher priority, while others may feel that it is still early enough in the relationship to not require that level of attention.

I agree with you. The thing is it had got to a point that he would initiate a conversation reply maybe 2-3 times, stop replying and then after hours initiate a new conversation.

Or I would send a message and he would ignore it and initiate a new conversation. He insisted that I should call him instead of texting him, but every time I called he would say that he is busy and we would end up talking via phone according to his schedule.

When talking via phone he would simultaneously do other things like watch TV, read the news etc. He would make simple promises like calling me at a specific time, or send me a picture of something and then forget about it.

That's what I mean when I say I felt he didn't make me a priority. He wasn't like that when we started talking to each other.

Maybe the word "priority" isn't the right one. I'd say it felt that he didn't value me or my time.

Edited by AGrPerson
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Alpacalia
1 hour ago, AGrPerson said:

I agree with you. The thing is it had got to a point that he would initiate a conversation reply maybe 2-3 times, stop replying and then after hours initiate a new conversation.

Or I would send a message and he would ignore it and initiate a new conversation. He insisted that I should call him instead of texting him, but every time I called he would say that he is busy and we would end up talking via phone according to his schedule.

When talking via phone he would simultaneously do other things like watch TV, read the news etc. He would make simple promises like calling me at a specific time, or send me a picture of something and then forget about it.

That's what I mean when I say I felt he didn't make me a priority. He wasn't like that when we started talking to each other.

Maybe the word "priority" isn't the right one. I'd say it felt that he didn't value me or my time.

By all means, I am not suggesting that he has not been consistent in behavior - but rather that expecting to feel valued just for talking to you through the day can be unreasonable.

The fact that he prefers live communication does not seem very odd to me -so many things can be missed by texting, and the fact that he cannot multi-task 90% of the time does not necessarily mean that he does not value the person on the other side, but rather that he is quite poor at managing his time and keeping people updated.

Whatever the case, the main issue is consistency, and how you've felt disregarded for it. If you feel that having a conversation with him is redundant if he does not feel like texting you back - then you have a choice to either attempt to compromise with him and his communication style, or to admit that he would be unable to make you feel heard and valued, and let go.

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AGrPerson
10 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

By all means, I am not suggesting that he has not been consistent in behavior - but rather that expecting to feel valued just for talking to you through the day can be unreasonable.

The fact that he prefers live communication does not seem very odd to me -so many things can be missed by texting, and the fact that he cannot multi-task 90% of the time does not necessarily mean that he does not value the person on the other side, but rather that he is quite poor at managing his time and keeping people updated.

Whatever the case, the main issue is consistency, and how you've felt disregarded for it. If you feel that having a conversation with him is redundant if he does not feel like texting you back - then you have a choice to either attempt to compromise with him and his communication style, or to admit that he would be unable to make you feel heard and valued, and let go.

I understand that some people may be bad texters, but when someone texts me "how's my day?" and I reply to them I expect them to see my text at some point and react in some way. He on the other hand would leave my responses unanswered or would answer hours later. It felt like he was asking out of politeness and not out of curiosity.

It felt pointless to chat with him via text since most of the time we couldn't have a proper conversation. 

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Alpacalia
17 minutes ago, AGrPerson said:

I understand that some people may be bad texters, but when someone texts me "how's my day?" and I reply to them I expect them to see my text at some point and react in some way. He on the other hand would leave my responses unanswered or would answer hours later. It felt like he was asking out of politeness and not out of curiosity.

It felt pointless to chat with him via text since most of the time we couldn't have a proper conversation. 

Yes, it can be really frustrating when someone asks you a question but then doesn't seem interested in your response or doesn't respond at all. It can also be a sign that they are not very interested in the conversation or in getting to know you. These are things that you can't control, and it can be really difficult to have a good text conversation with someone who is not very responsive.

Given these circumstances, you have two options. You can either move forward and accept that it was not meant to be, or you can send a brief follow-up message to to check in.

It's like if you have tried like 2 or 3 times, and he fails to acknowledge you, you may want to step back because, under those conditions, no response is a response.

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1 hour ago, AGrPerson said:

He wasn't like that when we started talking to each other.

When you do online dating remember that everything that is said before meeting face to face does not count. At that point you both are just a product of your own imagination. Many times people will feel a connection before meeting and it falls flat when they meet. This guy changed right after he met you. It's too bad you had already built this imaginary romance in your mind based only on his words. 

Remember, words are cheap...you judge a man you date by his actions. He's got to talk the talk yes but most importantly he's got to walk the walk.

Edited by Gaeta
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