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My brother's overwhelming guilt


BritneyXOXO

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BritneyXOXO

He comes to me several times, expressing his guilt. I think he's being hard on himself though. What do you think? Is his guilt justified?

His wife had a hard time conceiving their first child for nearly 3 years. She finally naturally gave birth at the age of 34. Their daughter is now 4 years old. Her egg count was much lower than usual for her age; between ages 23-26 were her good years. He felt guilty for making her wait too much when they were boyfriend and girlfriend, for taking her for granted at the time. He proposed shortly after she broke up (he was very repentant like never before), she forgave him, accepted his proposal and they got married the following month. He was willing to pay for her whole fertility treatment if that was needed. He didn't want her to help him with the bill. At the time, he kept telling me ''This is my fault. I'll never forgive myself if she can't get pregnant anymore''.

Sometimes, he still feels some guilt that they can't have another child nor two more. He blames himself. His own words he told me recently were ''If I could just turn back the clock, I wouldn't have wasted her time, I regret it. We would've probably had 3 kids by now''. Though he has changed for the better and is a punctual person on everything. That former carefree person that would do things at the last minute/moment I knew doesn't exist anymore. I feel he already made it up to her by having their daughter. I hate seeing him like this. I know they wanted 1 or 2 more kids but nothing can be done now. Isn't it time he should stop feeling guilt?

Edited by BritneyXOXO
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Yes, it is time he stopped with the pity party. There's people out there without even one child, so he needs to get over it and accept that he was selfish but what's done is done, she married him despite it, so just move on and invest in the child they have instead of whining about the ones they don't. 

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13 hours ago, BritneyXOXO said:

they got married the following month. He was willing to pay for her whole fertility treatment if that was needed.  she can't get pregnant anymore''., he still feels some guilt that they can't have another child nor two more. 

Please suggest they consult a marriage therapist for all that they went through.  

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ShyViolet

They have one child, and they should be happy with that and move on with life.  Obsessing over this now accomplishes nothing.  He really needs to let this go and stop wallowing in self pity.  Is she still upset about this and constantly guilt tripping him about it?  Or is this all coming from him?

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