alimo Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 I’m wondering if I should leave. Two weeks ago, I proposed a relationship that could lead to marriage to a girl immediately after she told me she broke up with her fiancé. I surprised her, and she didn’t say yes or no, but she seemed to agree. She started to talk about how we could get to know each other and what our relationship should be like. That was in the first hour after I approached her. But from the second day, she acted like she was busy and had no time to text me. So I asked her to give me a clear answer: did she want to be with me or not? She couldn’t give me a clear answer either. She was very confused and perplexed. Her answer was vague, but I could tell she agreed. I felt that she wanted me, as I had always felt since I met her. I didn’t pressure her to give me a clear answer. I told myself it was a matter of time, since she was only 21 years old and might not have enough experience with men. I also knew that she was very conservative. Starting from the third day, I tried to text her and start conversations, but she avoided me. She replied after a long time and with very short answers. I’m a straightforward person, and I don’t have much patience in such cases. I thought many times during the past two weeks to leave her, especially after I started to feel that she was not the person I expected and liked. Now I feel she is a different person than the one I imagined and liked. But sometimes I feel I should be patient and wait. Maybe it’s a matter of time, and maybe it’s because of the 8-year gap between us. Especially when I remember the old picture of her personality in my mind, which was cute, cultured, responsible, and serious. I feel she disrespects me and doesn’t treat me well. Is this totally normal behavior, or is she not a good girl? . This is not the first time I faced this situation. The first girl I approached acted the same way and after four months of chasing, I decided to cut her off from my life, no matter what she did to get me back. After that relationship, I approached many girls, some of them acted the same way and I left them in a few days. I don’t know why I keep attracting these kinds of girls. Should I leave? How should I wait? I’m afraid if I expressed my dissatisfaction at this point, it would have a negative effect. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Yes you should leave her alone. She is just out of a break up with the man she wanted to marry. The last thing she wants right now is to get engaged when she's not even over her last fiancé. You're moving to fast. She has to have time to heal before even thinking about getting with another man. Why are you putting the rush on her? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 (edited) 23 minutes ago, alimo said: Two weeks ago, I proposed a relationship that could lead to marriage to a girl immediately after she told me she broke up with her fiancé. You are trying to get a commitment from a 21 year old woman who just broke up with her fiancé two weeks ago? My friend, this woman is not in any position to start a serious relationship with you. If you want to have a relationship with a woman, you need to chose someone who is available, mature enough to be in a serious relationship with you, and then you need to give the relationship time to go. NONE of these things are present in your current situation, so it’s not really any wonder why it’s not working out the way that you want it to work out… Leave this woman alone. I don’t know what culture you are from, but she is too young to commit to anything and she just ended another very serious relationship. This is not a recipe for success in any culture. Edited February 4 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimo Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 Sorry for the misunderstanding, she brokeup over a year ago, but I knew this Two weeks ago, Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimo Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 35 minutes ago, stillafool said: Yes you should leave her alone. She is just out of a break up with the man she wanted to marry. The last thing she wants right now is to get engaged when she's not even over her last fiancé. You're moving to fast. She has to have time to heal before even thinking about getting with another man. Why are you putting the rush on her? Sorry for the misunderstanding, she brokeup over a year ago, but I knew this only Two weeks ago, Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 (edited) 45 minutes ago, alimo said: . Two weeks ago, I proposed a relationship that could lead to marriage to a girl immediately after she told me she broke up with her fiancé her, and she didn’t say yes or no, Was she scheduled for an arranged marriage? Is dating allowed in your culture? Why would you swoop in and propose marriage to someone who just ended a relationship instead of dating? Please leave her alone, she doesn't seem ready, willing or able to have a relationship with you. Edited February 4 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 (edited) 57 minutes ago, alimo said: Two weeks ago, I proposed a relationship that could lead to marriage to a girl immediately after she told me she broke up with her fiancé. She started to talk about how we could get to know each other and what our relationship should be like. That was in the first hour after I approached her. Sorry for the misunderstanding. It sounded like she broke up with her fiancé two weeks ago. To clarify further, you proposed a relationship with the intention that it would be serious and could lead to marriage when you first met this woman? Am I reading this right - or had you known each other for some time/dated for a while? Is this normal for your culture? Edited February 4 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 Sorry but being rude and infatuated would deter any girl. She's avoiding you because you are too aggressive....you have freaked her out. Should have been a gentleman about it and asked her nicely out for a dinner date. I don't care what culture you are, you respect a woman...she's not property. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimo Posted February 4 Author Share Posted February 4 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: Sorry for the misunderstanding. It sounded like she broke up with her fiancé two weeks ago. To clarify further, you proposed a relationship with the intention that it would be serious and could lead to marriage when you first met this woman? Am I reading this right - or had you known each other for some time/dated for a while? Is this normal for your culture? That's true, we talked about marriage immediately Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 (edited) 2 hours ago, alimo said: Is this totally normal behavior, or is she not a good girl? . This is not the first time I faced this situation. The first girl I approached acted the same way and after four months of chasing, I decided to cut her off from my life, no matter what she did to get me back. After that relationship, I approached many girls, some of them acted the same way and I left them in a few days. I don’t know why I keep attracting these kinds of girls. Should I leave? How should I wait? I’m afraid if I expressed my dissatisfaction at this point, it would have a negative effect. It's not them, it's you. You're the one with unrealistic expectations and pushy behaviour. A woman cannot possibly decide if she wants a long term future with you without having first spent a long time dating and then in relationship. Edited February 4 by basil67 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rider on the Storm Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 9 minutes ago, alimo said: That's true, we talked about marriage immediately Why would you do this? Doesn't getting to know her sound a little more logical than immediately proposing marriage? I wouldn't be surprised if you scared the hell out of the nice lady. When was the last time you were in a relationship? Have you been treated for mental health issues in the past? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4 Share Posted February 4 (edited) 1 hour ago, alimo said: That's true, we talked about marriage immediately A man who discussed marriage at our first meeting would be a huge red flag to me. You can’t possibly expect someone to commit to a relationship and/or marriage when you have just met - you do not even know each other. Relationships develop over time and with shared experiences. There should be a progression, that is actually the fun part - getting to know each other and sharing all those first experiences. You tried to jump from A to Z and it doesn’t work that way - unless it is an arranged marriage. Edited February 4 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 (edited) Despite the obvious, that you've pretty much scared the 21 year old girl away by proposing marriage after she just told you she broke up with her fiancé, it's clear that you have a history of chasing unavailable or disinterested women. You say you are a straightforward person, but your actions suggest otherwise. Proposing marriage to someone you barely know is not straightforward, it's impulsive and emotionally charged. At the same time you're expecting this girl to make a decision about a relationship after just meeting you. This is also not being straightforward. You say you don't have patience in these situations, but finding the right person and building a strong relationship takes time and effort. It cannot be rushed or forced. Look, I felt very strongly about someone I dated after a couple of months, and usually it takes me a quite a bit longer before I get there, so I understand the feeling of being sure of someone quickly. That said, in this instance you did propose lightening fast after the girl told you she broke up with her fiancé. Don't propose to girls on the first 5-6 dates regardless. It's not entirely clear what you're asking. If you're asking whether you should continue pursuing this girl, my answer is no. You scared her away when you proposed marriage so soon, and now you're disappointed that she's not giving you the attention you want. It's not responsible or fair to expect someone to make a decision about a relationship with you after just one conversation. Edited February 5 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 Why did you do this? 12 hours ago, alimo said: I proposed a relationship that could lead to marriage Is this typical in your culture? You went from zero to 100 and I am curious if this is just you, or if it's a cultural norm in your community. Either way, she doesn't appear to be interested so you need to let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimo Posted February 5 Author Share Posted February 5 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why did you do this? Is this typical in your culture? You went from zero to 100 and I am curious if this is just you, or if it's a cultural norm in your community. Either way, she doesn't appear to be interested so you need to let it go. Yes, marriage is the only goal of a relationship in my culture, mentioning it from the beginning is the proof that you are serious and you respect the girl. Girls don't want to waste their time in a relationship that will not lead to marriage.. Link to post Share on other sites
Rider on the Storm Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 14 minutes ago, alimo said: Yes, marriage is the only goal of a relationship in my culture, mentioning it from the beginning is the proof that you are serious and you respect the girl. Girls don't want to waste their time in a relationship that will not lead to marriage.. Is this woman from the same culture as you? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 13 minutes ago, alimo said: Yes, marriage is the only goal of a relationship in my culture It seems it would be more practical for you to ask the help of your family/community to introduce you to women interested in marriage, instead of hitting on random women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 5 Share Posted February 5 8 hours ago, alimo said: Yes, marriage is the only goal of a relationship in my culture, mentioning it from the beginning is the proof that you are serious and you respect the girl. Girls don't want to waste their time in a relationship that will not lead to marriage.. Obviously, we don’t know what culture you are from but I would simply say - Telling the woman that you have good/honest intentions doesn’t necessarily mean that you jump straight into a serious relationship. I mean, I wanted to know that the guy I was dating was looking for a long term relationship and not a short term, sexual fling. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t want to date him, get to know him, take things slow and enjoy our time together as we got to know each other… It doesn’t mean that from that first date when we both said we were looking for something serious we were committed or obligated to each other. Men and women who try to hit the fast forward button on relationships usually do that for a reason - whether that is insecurity, inability to deal with uncertainty, attempting to control the other person/relationship, etc… Link to post Share on other sites
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