my husband masturbate to friends and cousin photos. divorce?

[stst]

i have been with my husband for 17 years, married for 6. we have a 4 year old son, i’m currently pregnant with second and he is a great dad to my son 

 

before marriage, i knew my husband (33m) watches porn but never knew that he was an addict until last year when i discovered his search history while snooping around his computer. on average, he would watch porn everyday twice daily when he is not working - afternoon when i’m at work and middle of the night (1am-2am) when i’m asleep. on the day we had sex, he watches porn few minutes before and he get off again few hours after. found it all when i was browsing his search history. i also found out how he has so many folders of nude girls. even took the effort to name each folder and file their nudes accordingly. i confronted him on these findings and he said he has been doing it since young and it has became a bad habit which he is aware of. he assured he still love me no matter all that and that he still finds me beautiful. what is most heartbreaking was that i feel he needs to look at other girls to turn himself on and then get off to other girls again after we had sex but he said it doesn’t happen often. i mean we rarely had sex too after we had our son who is 4 years old. he complained how i never initiated sex and i sort of agree with him. i decided to eventually forgive him after and we started to have sex a lot more until 6 months later when i got pregnant again and the sex totally stopped.

 

i am 16 weeks pregnant now and i found out his porn stash again yesterday. this time a folder with instagram influencer he follows, his best friend from school, his friend from school whom i knew he always have eyes for and his younger cousin. i was utterly disgusted. i don’t really care about the ig influencer but seeing photos and videos of his friends and cousin just make me sick. these photos aren’t nude or them dressed sexily. they are just harmless selfies/ videos you posted on instagram. when confronted, he said these were saved so long ago. but… does that even matter? i felt that getting off to people you know just cross the line.  

 

am i over reacting? 

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, stst said:

I am 16 weeks pregnant now and i found out his porn stash again.  my husband masturbate to friends and cousin photos. divorce?am i over reacting? 

Yes you're overreacting if you are threatening divorce and blowing up your family over pictures. 

Please take care of yourself and your pregnancy and your physical and mental health. Please ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support . Ask the therapist for a referral to a marriage counselor. 

[Alpacalia]

I don't know. I tend to think a good portion of men would probably 100% delete everything they had the opportunity to get rid of if they knew their SO was going to see it ESPECIALLY if the person was someone they knew and ESPECIALLY especially if it was a relative. I mean maybe I'm being naive but maybe not use your friends and relatives. 

I can sense this is a bigger issue and that you are more angry about it with the fact that he crossed the lines. It's one thing to watch porn but to actually have a stash of pictures of friends and family that is way too far. Going from watching porn to actually collecting pictures of people you know is another level.

[mark clemson]

As you know, men have 2 testosterone producing glands hanging off their bodies. While there are exceptions, we generally have strong sex drives and learn with how to deal with them at an early age. I personally have fantasized about plenty of women I know (not with photos of them) - I don't consider it a big deal as in my view I'm not hurting anyone by doing so.

That said, for myself I would certainly draw the lines at cousins and I guess you'll need to decide what's acceptable to you or not. I think you could ask him to remove any photos of friends or relatives and I think he would likely agree to do so. That might be a reasonable alternative to breaking up your family over this.

[BaileyB]

Would I be creeped out if my husband was masterbating to photos of his cousin - absolutely. 

I think the most important thing here is - your husband has a problem with porn. For the record, I know that many people watch porn and I believe that is quite normal. But his habits are excessive and interfering with your marriage - that’s the point when it gets serious. What is he going to do about this? Have you discussed counselling?

I’m also curious why the sex stopped when you became pregnant with your second child? 

Edited February 4 by BaileyB

[stst]

10 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Would I be creeped out if my husband was masterbating to photos of his cousin - absolutely. 

I think the most important thing here is - your husband has a problem with porn. For the record, I know that many people watch porn and I believe that is quite normal. But his habits are excessive and interfering with your marriage - that’s the point when it gets serious. What is he going to do about this? Have you discussed counselling?

I’m also curious why the sex stopped when you became pregnant with your second child? 

he said he is going for therapy to help with the addiction. 

i had history of miscarriage (unrelated but i’m just playing it safe for the first trimester) and has been very sick throughout the first trimester.

[BaileyB]

Hopefully you are feeling better soon. Best wishes. 

[Gaeta]

His porn addiction has nothing to do with his love for you but it is still an addiction that he needs to take to therapy. What jumped at me is his <young> cousin, how young are we talking about here? Yes the cousin's pictures are creepy but we're talking a whole other illegal/creepiness if she is not an adult. 

[Nawidimaq]

Is it offensive enough of a breach of trust for you to end the marriage? It would be for me... there is no excuse for masturbating to pictures of a younger family member--that's plain reprobate behavior.