Alpacalia Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 (edited) So I am friends with a man that I went on one date with a couple of years ago. At the end of the date, he asked me for a second, but I declined because I did not feel a romantic connection (which I communicated to him as such). We did not communicate for two years, I was in a relationship, and now we are friends and we hang out sometimes. I am due to go out with him next week, but I don't know if I should reconvey that I am not interested in him (in a romantic way). I am enjoying getting to know him as a friend. He is a drummer in a band and I went to see his show not to long ago. He offered to pay for my ticket and drive me home but I declined. I purchased the ticket myself because I wanted to support him and his music, not because I wanted a date. I've also offered to treat him to dinner a few times, and he has insisted on paying. The fact that he is always offering to pay for things makes me wonder if he still thinks we are on a date. I just want to make it clear to him that I am not interested in him romantically, but I do value our friendship. Do I need to reiterate my lack of romantic interest or should I just continue hanging out with him as friends and assume he understands that? Edited February 3 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: . I just want to make it clear to him that I am not interested in him romantically, but I do value our friendship.Do I need to reiterate my lack of romantic interest It doesn't seem like you need to keep reminding him that you're just friends. Why not just enjoy yourselves? He doesn't seem like the type you have to beat off with a stick. Is this the same man? Edited February 3 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted February 3 Author Share Posted February 3 Just now, Wiseman2 said: It doesn't seem like you need to keep reminding him that you're just friends. Why not just enjoy yourselves? Is this the same man? Yes. Okay. I think you're right. We can just enjoy ourselves as friends. He's been super cool. So, I'll just be my normal easy going self and go with the flow as they say. I just wasn't sure if I needed to clear something in the air or leave it alone. I was a bit worried with some things he sent me to start but I think he realIy has settled into a friendship. He's acting like a gentleman and I like that so I don't want to mess anything up and I hope we can continue being friends. Thank you for your help and reassurance. It's nice to have someone else's perspective on this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted February 3 Share Posted February 3 8 hours ago, Alpacalia said: I just want to make it clear to him that I am not interested in him romantically, but I do value our friendship. I feel I can probably give you pretty clearly the guys perspective on this , He likes you- he enjoys your company, your beauty, your warm personality, He is happy to spend time with you in whatever form that takes- even if you are emphasising the friends only dynamic, well that is ok because he feels great anyway just to be in your company. Does he want more- lol of course he does and not having a go at you, but it is unrealistic to expect him not to have attraction, and not to hope or dream even just a little that you become the love of his life at some stage, thats just how we are wired. I suppose the other question for you is do you think you could eventually move slightly- I mean in the sense of becoming more romantically attracted, Yes Id probably agree on meeting up but be careful if your heart is not in it romantically- you dont want to end up breaking his heart. (in that sense its good you show the independent stance of not accepting paid tickets/dinner and so on) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted February 3 Author Share Posted February 3 1 hour ago, Foxhall said: I suppose the other question for you is do you think you could eventually move slightly- I mean in the sense of becoming more romantically attracted, (in that sense its good you show the independent stance of not accepting paid tickets/dinner and so on) I don't know. But at this stage probably not. He paid last time (albeit tapas). He suggested we go to another restaurant afterwards but I declined. I said the next time I will treat. I am mindful. I would treat a good friend so in the same spirit. I think (or hope I suppose) that men can be happy having a female as a friend and not always want more. I've been learning loads about him and he is an interesting character and I enjoy spending time with him so it is fun. I guess it is just me that is getting anxious about things 'more'. He usually asks me to meet. Although I did invite him to a group event once but he declined. He suggested I communicate with him on his personal phone (which I brushed off initially because I wasn't comfortable yet him having my personal phone number). He casually mentioned again a week or so later that he prefers to communicate by phone. He asks about my father (who recently had a stroke) and he sends me and him well wishes so he's considerate. Thank you for the advice and kind words. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zouzd Posted February 13 Share Posted February 13 Frankly I don't see such a relationship as really friendship ; because it toggles between dating and friendship ; IMO the only real friendship between opposite sex members is the one that started as friendship and never involved sexual intimacy ; I am an old style guy but in my opinion you need to re-assure that is is only friendship. Best 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted February 13 Author Share Posted February 13 5 hours ago, zouzd said: Frankly I don't see such a relationship as really friendship ; because it toggles between dating and friendship ; IMO the only real friendship between opposite sex members is the one that started as friendship and never involved sexual intimacy ; I am an old style guy but in my opinion you need to re-assure that is is only friendship. What if there was no sexual intimacy and it was just a strong emotional connection and support between two people of opposite genders? Would you still consider it not real friendship due to the potential for romantic feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
zouzd Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 On 2/13/2024 at 9:33 PM, Alpacalia said: What if there was no sexual intimacy and it was just a strong emotional connection and support between two people of opposite genders? Would you still consider it not real friendship due to the potential for romantic feelings? From Woman side it could be real friendship; from man side if he is satisfied in his romantic life it could be possible but temporary; the moment the woman is available emotionally and he is free to move he will jump into her heart ; So to be more specific : - For "straight,sexually active" friends of opposite sex; no real friendship can survive mainly due to the man nature. So such friendship can survive when one of them is not straight or sexually inactive or temporarely satisfied by his partner . that's my 2 cents 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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