FIL 80th birthday

[d0nnivain]

As the title says my FIL turns 80 this summer.  He's in good heath.  He & his long-term significant other are snowbirds driving from MN to SoCal every year to get out of the cold.  They will be in MN on his birthday. 

His SO (GF of 30+ years) threw him a lovely surprise party for his 75th but it was a long way for the rest of us to travel.  Most of the family lives near us on the east coast, except his daughter who lives in Seattle. 

DH wants to do something for his dad to mark the milestone.  His idea was to have everybody descend on MN again but that puts all the onus on the SO who is in her late 70s.  Plus the birthday will be about a month after the 1 year anniversary of her youngest son's untimely & unexpected death.  From what I understand because I haven't talked to her, she is despondent & doesn't really get out of bed any more.  So I don't think she can pull off a party of this magnitude, nor is it fair to ask her to. I don't think she's be amenable to us showing up & taking over her kitchen.   They live in what is to me the middle of nowhere -- one hour to the nearest grocery store.  So it's not like I can call up a catering company & get it handled.  

I suggested the following: 

* we fly FIL & his SO here & throw a party here.  That will be easier for the extended family who are all within 1 hour drive of us. 

* we invite FIL & SO to a swanky hotel in Minneapolis (2 hour drive for them) for the weekend & treat them &  SIL to a fancy dinner somewhere but FIL doesn't love "the cities". 

* we all go on a cruise for the week  (Not sure FIL or SO have valid passports so this may not work)

* we rent a large airbnb type house somewhere for the 6 of us (FIL, SO, SIL, her DH, DH & me) 

DH didn't love any of those idea but I'm trying to brainstorm possibilities that don't require too much effort on the part of the SO.   Can anybody come up with any other fun ways to celebrate a lively octogenarian?  I know very little about the midwest so if there's a hotel / location / destination that is fabulous, let me know.  

[stillafool]

I like option #1 and #2.  I agree about this being a bit too much for FIL SO to handle at her age and with the loss of her son.  Option #1 and #2 seem to be the less stress to me.  On second thought so is the cruise.  #4 would cause me to stress being in the house with others it's hard to rest.

[Alpacalia]

I think your suggestions are excellent.  They may not light up DH's world but sometimes you have to work with what you have.   

I'm just grasping at straws here.

What about a scenic train ride – If your FIL is still active, he might enjoy a scenic train ride through the beautiful Midwest countryside. Amtrak offers a scenic train tour from St. Paul, Minnesota to Chicago, Illinois. Or ride just for the day. You can splurge for a private sleeping car. I did a train ride across country and I saw some of the most beautiful landscapes and atmospheric cities and farmlands. It feels special because the train follows a route away from the highway that encourages you to relax and settle in for a comfortable and scenic ride.

Not for everyone of course.

Another option could be to rent a cabin or lakeside cottage for a weekend and have a small gathering there...

This would give your FIL and his SO the opportunity to relax and enjoy the outdoors while still having some family around to celebrate. * consider doing a lovely dinner in one of the lakeside/fireside restaurants... romantically, unusually, not heavily touristy. * rent a summer cabin in the woods or a fishing/outdoors retreat with cooking facilities, a hot tub and a gorgeous view, and take them for a relaxing vacation there.

If your FIL's SO is "despondent & doesn't really get out of bed anymore" you may opt to keep it as an intimate experience, to acknowledge how you all feel about your FIL without leaving anyone overburdened. So maybe something low-key which the group can collectively enjoy, and ultimately remember as a great day.