watermelonsavor Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 Me (17F) and my boyfriend (18M) have been long distance dating for a little over a year, my last relationship was about a year too. But, lately I've been feeling myself pulling in and out the relationship, because I need and I want more attention, and affection, like he gave me before. He had a procedure over summer that really messed up his bowels and caused him to have chronic stomach problems leading to us not being able to talk. Every time I want to face time he's either on the toilet, playing with his dog, playing with his friends, playing video games, or eating. We only face time at night and he ends up going on instagram reels until he is too tired and sleeps. My friend recently offered me something "You deserve better, I have a friend to hook you up with, just say the word and leave your boyfriend." and I find myself thinking about that, breaking it off with my now bf and staring something new. But, then I remind myself that I love him and how sad I would be if I left, and how heartbroken he would be. And would it be worth it? just for the slim chance of finding someone "better"? I don't want to break up with him but these thoughts just get louder and louder and become hard to ignore. I brought up my needs to him, and my insecurities about me going off to college and him not going and what if we break up and this that and the other, he reassured me and made me feel better. But why am I still here with these thoughts? I love him with my whole heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 Please set yourself free. There's no reason to put yourself though this much headaches and heartaches. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 You're too young to be sticking around an unfulfilling relationship, with someone that isn't even local. I agree with the above advice: set youself free. This relationship has run its course. Stick to dating local boys you can actually see in person regularly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 It sounds like this relationship has run its course. It's not really anything one of you did or didn't do but life & distance have gotten in the way. Do break up with this BF. Your needs are not being met. Give yourself some time but when you are ready date somebody local. You will be surprised at how much more fulfilled you are when you can actually see & spend time with your SO because they are right there, no computer / phone needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 It's time to set yourself free. You'll be off to college and meet much more mature and interesting men. Of course you'll be sad to break up but you'll be just fine!! and he'll be just fine as well!! You are only 17, the sky is the limit for you! There are better boyfriend material out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 (edited) 11 hours ago, watermelonsavor said: Every time I want to face time he's either on the toilet I was going to say who wants someone that is on the loo all day? He has a medical condition and needs someone that is bit more patient with him. I mean, come on, how is he going to control his bowels? This will be a lifelong occurrence. If he cant stay connected with his friends outside of the bathroom, then all he has left is you. You said he reassured you and made you feel better. But that still did not stop your thoughts from bubbling up. That tells me you truly want and need more from him. Let him go, it's okay, he'll be fine. You two are still in the exploration phase of life. Edited January 24 by Alpacalia 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 Why are you in a long distance relationship at 17 years old?? Is this a random person you met on the internet? Dating is an IN-PERSON activity. Especially when you are so young. Dating is not texting and facetiming and talking on the phone. You need to end this relationship and date guys who you actually see in person. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 24 Share Posted January 24 16 hours ago, watermelonsavor said: Every time I want to face time he's ............playing with his dog, playing with his friends, playing video games, or eating. We only face time at night and he ends up going on instagram reels until he is too tired and sleeps. Obviously he can't help problems with his bowels, but have you told him how you feel? Because at this point, he doesn't sound like he will be terribly heartbroken... Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 21 hours ago, watermelonsavor said: Every time I want to face time he's either on the toilet, playing with his dog, playing with his friends, playing video games, or eating. We only face time at night and he ends up going on instagram reels until he is too tired and sleeps. It sounds like he's filling his time with other people and interests, it's not just a health issue keeping him distant. It seems you both may be ready to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 (edited) If he has time to play with his friends and play video games but does not have time to talk to you, then he doesn't have time for a relationship. And you know what, that's fine. That doesn't make him a bad person. And your wanting more than he's offering you is fine too. It doesn't make you a bad person. Now, I don't pretend to be able to read his mind and to know what he's thinking or feeling. But I do know that, for a relationship to thrive, both people have to make time for it and invest in it. That's not happening here. So the natural course of events is for you to drift apart and for the relationship to end. Allow it to happen, close that chapter, give yourself time to heal, and then afterwards, you can start dating again. Edited January 25 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 At 17 you do need more attention, to be held and kissed, feeling those feelings in those moments. The solution is to be brave enough to know this arrangement/relationship isn't fulfilling your needs. There is another guy out there for you...in fact there will be a few as you will find out. This won't be your last relationship. BFs will come and go. Breaking up with someone always seems so final, but it's not...it moving on and starting something new with someone else. And at 17 you should be hanging out with friends, doing your own thing...not tied to a hope a guy will text you. Link to post Share on other sites
Hare08 Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 You're in teen age, and teens should enjoy life , but not overdue it, keep it up heads high and leave the guy if you're not meant to be you're not meant to be in the future. You're young and go to college and think about what good path is by yourself without that 18yr old guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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