ZA Dater Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) I suppose the obvious answer is to increase those options in whichever means. Bottom line is there is someone I really do like but unfortunately for me this person is not interested in me, no real surprise there. Back to OLD I go and what I find is a very persistent person, single mother so already my interest is limited. Anyway this conversation starts with am I religious (I am not) the the conversation goes to where I live (close to her) and then its more questions and then she sends me pics of her son, then its about the home she owns and it was just a strange conversation. Then its how attractive she finds me and of course things go on from that which I opted out of fairly quickly. She is desperate to meet up and wants long terms and this and that. Everything about this makes me very uncomfortable. However its not like I have any other options and only yesterday I was watching a video about men who ignore red flags because they have few options. She now wants to be friends but its very obvious she wants more than that. My view is meeting this person is a bad idea even after I said look I am not looking for the same things she is, she still persisted. [ ] Edited January 22 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed repetitive discussion Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 (edited) This is a scammer or fraudster. No mother would share pics of her house and child and insist that you be part of her life when you'd never met. Let alone be persistent in trying to meet someone who's not interested. Try a reverse image search on Google and I bet you'll find those images elsewhere. But even if the the pics don't show up in your search, delete and block this person immediately. People like this prey on those who naive and/or lonely Edited January 22 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: This is a scammer or fraudster. No mother would share pics of her house and child and insist that you be part of her life when you'd never met. Let alone be persistent in trying to meet someone who's not interested. Try a reverse image search on Google and I bet you'll find those images elsewhere. But even if the the pics don't show up in your search, delete and block this person immediately. People like this prey on those who naive and/or lonely The thing is she is seemingly legitimate, gainfully employed but I do have questions about that. Now this morning she wants to invite me around for dinner later this week. My red flag radar is up. I suppose its possible she does find me as attractive as she says but that is doubtful. It would be nice to be found attractive but again she not all that attractive to me but better than the matches I normally get. She is trying so hard to meet up but I also think she is multi dating because she seemed to get me confused with someone else, maybe a scammer tactic? Would it be a fundamental mistake to rather invest more in trying to go on a date with the person I am really attracted to who has no kids but is seemingly not interested in me? I find this person really captivating. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 This is a no-brainer: do not meet this person. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 4 hours ago, ZA Dater said: Back to OLD I go and what I find is a very persistent person, single mother so already my interest is limited. Are you on an app where you can unmatch or delete? Why get aggravated over someone you have no interest in? Please don't waste time picking people apart. What's the point? She will move on and find men who are interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you on an app where you can unmatch or delete? Why get aggravated over someone you have no interest in? Please don't waste time picking people apart. What's the point? She will move on and find men who are interested. Well stupidly I felt lonely and well she was only to happy to move things onto WhatsApp. I should state that right from the off I should have walked away when asked if I want kids. In most respects I have not shown very good judgement the way I got drawn into this. I suppose my question is in the past have you found it easy to walk away when things do not add up knowing your other matches are even less suitable? At what point do I force myself to take an interest? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 2 hours ago, ZA Dater said: The thing is she is seemingly legitimate, gainfully employed but I do have questions about that. Now this morning she wants to invite me around for dinner later this week. My red flag radar is up. I suppose its possible she does find me as attractive as she says but that is doubtful. It would be nice to be found attractive but again she not all that attractive to me but better than the matches I normally get. She is trying so hard to meet up but I also think she is multi dating because she seemed to get me confused with someone else, maybe a scammer tactic? What part of “delete and block” do you not understand? 2 hours ago, ZA Dater said: Would it be a fundamental mistake to rather invest more in trying to go on a date with the person I am really attracted to who has no kids but is seemingly not interested in me? I find this person really captivating. I promise that she already knows if she’d be willing to go on a date with you. So don’t go investing and trying. Just ask her on a date - Then you will have yOur answer. Or don’t ask her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 8 minutes ago, basil67 said: What part of “delete and block” do you not understand? I promise that she already knows if she’d be willing to go on a date with you. So don’t go investing and trying. Just ask her on a date - Then you will have yOur answer. Or don’t ask her. Well you are quite correct. I'll put an end to that communication. Re the rest I have a coffee meet up schedule for next week and I have been invited to an event she is hosting, neither of those things seems to be negative. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Do not meet this woman. Red flags all around… Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 2 hours ago, ZA Dater said: At what point do I force myself to take an interest? Never. It's really that simple 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 2 hours ago, ZA Dater said: At what point do I force myself to take an interest? You don't. Especially not with a weirdo like tihs woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 4 hours ago, ZA Dater said: At what point do I force myself to take an interest? I suppose we are on a similar path in the sense of wishing to find someone who we find attractive , personally I have a mindset now if I get to the age of 50 and beyond I will settle with someone just for companionship, if things dont happen otherwise in the next few years. As I touched on in my own thread the fear of long-term loneliness or having no one as I get older is a scary prospect for me personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Even well employed people can be weirdos. This woman lacks emotional intelligence, we all know to not send picture of our children to strangers. Block & delete. Why you hesitate! Link to post Share on other sites
Rider on the Storm Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 OP, it sounds as if you are desperate and liking the attention, despite just how much of a train wreck this is likely to be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted January 22 Author Share Posted January 22 26 minutes ago, Rider on the Storm said: OP, it sounds as if you are desperate and liking the attention, despite just how much of a train wreck this is likely to be. This is sadly true. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 She's coming in a bit hot. It's not to your liking. Don't force it. You also seem to be coming in hot about this getting experience or situation happening for you. Just scale back on it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 Generally I’d say it’s fine to give someone a chance if they’re a “maybe” from online dating but in this case you should probably pass. Too many flags and I suspect your semi-interest is really just stemming from loneliness. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 12 hours ago, ZA Dater said: only yesterday I was watching a video about men who ignore red flags Do yourself a favor and don't ignore them. If this person isn't a scammer then she's probably somewhat desperate herself and trying to move WAY too fast. I'd suggest you pass... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 22 Share Posted January 22 10 hours ago, ZA Dater said: Well you are quite correct. I'll put an end to that communication. Re the rest I have a coffee meet up schedule for next week and I have been invited to an event she is hosting, neither of those things seems to be negative. When you catch up, do you talk about non work topics like each other's lives, activities and thoughts? Does the conversation flow easily? Do you both lose track of time when you're together? Have you broken the touch barrier? If the answers to the above are mostly yes, get going and ask her on a date. If the answers are mostly no, then you'll want to reconsider. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 18 hours ago, ZA Dater said: Everything about this makes me very uncomfortable. However its not like I have any other options and only yesterday I was watching a video about men who ignore red flags because they have few options. Do you really want to be that person who is so desperate and whose standards are so low that you will get involved with someone who displays red flags left and right? When in the dating scene you have to use good judgment and common sense. I don't care how desperate you are, nothing good can come of getting involved with someone crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 16 hours ago, ZA Dater said: knowing your other matches are even less suitable? If you have a recurring theme of "I'm only interested in women who aren't interested in me and only women I'm not interested in are interested in me", then this fits that pattern. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 4 hours ago, basil67 said: When you catch up, do you talk about non work topics like each other's lives, activities and thoughts? Does the conversation flow easily? Do you both lose track of time when you're together? Have you broken the touch barrier? If the answers to the above are mostly yes, get going and ask her on a date. If the answers are mostly no, then you'll want to reconsider. The answer is really no to most of those. There is very sporadic communication too so in many respects the situation is as badly judged as this very persistent lady who I did finally block. In most things I generally favour very conservative judgement and I think the lesson here is that being lonely can impact judgement very negatively. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 1 hour ago, ZA Dater said: The answer is really no to most of those. There is very sporadic communication too so in many respects the situation is as badly judged as this very persistent lady who I did finally block. OK, so if you want to ask her out, you start by getting to know each other on a personal level. And yes, this does involve some 'small talk' techniques while the two of you are establishing a more personal connection. Do you know what her interests are? Hobbies, sports etc? If so, when you see her at the event, ask about one of them. Even if it's not a hobby or sport you care for, still ask her. Or if you don't know anything about her, start with "How was your Christmas break? Did you go away?" "See any family?" and bounce of whatever she says. Even if she didn't go away, then there's still topic in what she did locally. And if she has good manners, she will ask questions of you too. Quote In most things I generally favour very conservative judgement and I think the lesson here is that being lonely can impact judgement very negatively. There's nothing wrong with conservative judgement. In this case it's good that you didn't ask her out before getting to know her a bit first. I can imagine accepting a date from a professional colleague, but only if we'd had some casual conversations and a laugh first. I've got to have some idea of whether or not we connect socially Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted January 23 Author Share Posted January 23 11 minutes ago, basil67 said: OK, so if you want to ask her out, you start by getting to know each other on a personal level. And yes, this does involve some 'small talk' techniques while the two of you are establishing a more personal connection. Do you know what her interests are? Hobbies, sports etc? If so, when you see her at the event, ask about one of them. Even if it's not a hobby or sport you care for, still ask her. Or if you don't know anything about her, start with "How was your Christmas break? Did you go away?" "See any family?" and bounce of whatever she says. Even if she didn't go away, then there's still topic in what she did locally. And if she has good manners, she will ask questions of you too. There's nothing wrong with conservative judgement. In this case it's good that you didn't ask her out before getting to know her a bit first. I can imagine accepting a date from a professional colleague, but only if we'd had some casual conversations and a laugh first. I've got to have some idea of whether or not we connect socially The inherent issue here is a lack of judgment on my part. There is some casual conversation but its very hard to discern any sort of interest over and above simply being friendly, the water is further muddied by the fact she wants to do business with me. Some of the questions noted above I did as in a text conversation and they were not answered. Besides very poor judgement the other issue is me simply not feeling like I am on remotely the same level as her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 23 Share Posted January 23 (edited) 9 hours ago, ZA Dater said: The inherent issue here is a lack of judgment on my part I think it's about you not trusting your own judgment. You knew something was off with this woman that's why you came on here and ran it by us. You did not trust you had the right opinion of her, you were right she was not a good candidate for you for XYZ that you named yourself. Have more trust in your judgment. Edited January 23 by Gaeta 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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