Advice

[DanicaCailinBlue]

Just got my G2 driver’s licence in November. I was going to take my 16 year old son to work. The car was parked in the garage it’s a 2 car garage both doors were open. I was filling the snowblower with gas so I could fill the empty gas container when dropping him off. 
 

I got in the car and pressed the button to shut the left side garage door. We were going to be pulling out on the right side. 
 

After pressing the button I started the car, was clearing the driver message thing on the stereo display. In that moment my 16 year old son started yelling at me to hurry up he’s going to be late. I ended up reaching up and hitting the garage door button and then reversing the car. The garage door came down the Roof Spoiler that’s has the 3rd tailgate light. It’s a 2024 CRV Hybrid. It has some scuffs but is fine otherwise. The garage door was bent. I had to get a company out to switch the bent side with the left garage door and now we can use the garage while waiting for a replacement panel. 
 

The roof spoiler for the car you could touch up, have taken off and painted for $300 or replaced for $700 the piece is plastic. 
 

Since I just got my G2 this car my husband bought. We’ve been married for 17 years but now he won’t let me drive the car. 
 

He told me the other night if I could have him a blowjob in 2 minutes or less he would let me drive again. 
 

I told him today this should technically be both our car since we’re married and he told me to stop acting like I’m entitled and mentioned how I didn’t finish the job in 2 minutes or less. 
 

I honestly believe this would not have happened if my 16 year old wouldn’t have started yelling at me. He took my concentration and caused me to have an in the garage. 
 

I’m paying to fix the garage door and car. Is my husband being unreasonable? 

 

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

He told me the other night if I could have him a blowjob in 2 minutes or less he would let me drive again.

Please talk to your home and auto insurance about repairs.  Please don't allow this type of emotional and sexual extortion.  If the car is in his name, it's a tough situation. 

[MsJayne]

1 hour ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

Is my husband being unreasonable? 

Yes, and he's also emotionally and sexually abusive, not to mention controlling. No wonder your son thinks it's OK to yell at you if he has a sexist bully as an example of how to treat women. I suggest ignoring your husband's commands, just get the car fixed and then drive it whenever you want, regardless of what he says. Next time your son yells at you and starts giving you orders, stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, giving an obnoxious kid a smack around the ear is against the law, but it sounds like it's exactly what he needs. Your husband is a crass red-neck who also needs to be taught a lesson. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

I honestly believe this would not have happened if my 16 year old wouldn’t have started yelling at me. He took my concentration and caused me to have an in the garage. 

Your son didn't cause any of this - it's not like he was upset in a situation where you couldn't stop the car.  Remember that you are the adult.  It's your car and your keys and your driving.  You should have turned off the car, got out and gone back inside. Then refuse to go anywhere until he calmed down and gives a genuine apology.  It's called consequence.

Meanwhile, your husband sounds like a s***.  

[stillafool]

 

2 hours ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

Is my husband being unreasonable? 

 

What do you think?

[Els]

15 hours ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

Since I just got my G2 this car my husband bought. We’ve been married for 17 years but now he won’t let me drive the car. 
 

He told me the other night if I could have him a blowjob in 2 minutes or less he would let me drive again. 
 

I told him today this should technically be both our car since we’re married and he told me to stop acting like I’m entitled and mentioned how I didn’t finish the job in 2 minutes or less. 
 

What on earth did I just read....?!??!!?

If this post is real and you're not a "creative writer", best to talk to a domestic abuse hotline, who should be able to put you in touch with a lawyer. You're married, and he's going to be in for a nice shock when the divorce splits the assets down the middle, including his precious car.

[ShyViolet]

19 hours ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

I honestly believe this would not have happened if my 16 year old wouldn’t have started yelling at me. He took my concentration and caused me to have an in the garage. 
 

Umm no, your child can't "make" you do anything.  As the adult you should have gotten out of the car and told him you're not going ANYWHERE until he stops yelling and stops being disrespectful.  Tell him that if he can't be respectful then he can walk to wherever the hell he needs to go.  It's a mistake to let your child walk all over you.  

[DanicaCailinBlue]

20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please talk to your home and auto insurance about repairs.  Please don't allow this type of emotional and sexual extortion.  If the car is in his name, it's a tough situation. 

It’s not worth going through insurance. It would be a home insurance claim. The garage door will cost $800 to get a new panel. The car is in his name unfortunately I’m just on the insurance.

17 hours ago, basil67 said:

Your son didn't cause any of this - it's not like he was upset in a situation where you couldn't stop the car.  Remember that you are the adult.  It's your car and your keys and your driving.  You should have turned off the car, got out and gone back inside. Then refuse to go anywhere until he calmed down and gives a genuine apology.  It's called consequence.

Meanwhile, your husband sounds like a s***.  

He wasn’t the one driving and caused the accident but his screaming at me as I was about to go didn’t help. He is currently going for his G2 driver's license and had the tables be turned me yelling at him and the garage door came down on the car beings he his distracted by me yelling my mother-in law and everyone else would be saying it’s my fault for yelling at him. 
 

my husband said if I honestly believe it wouldn’t have happened had I not been distracted by him yelling at me that he should pay half since he works and has no real understanding of money or consequences. 

17 hours ago, stillafool said:

 

What do you think?

I think he is being very unreasonable. I’m not a child, I’m 43 years old and should be able to make decisions. The car, yes he bought but we are married for 17 yrs together for 20 yrs. We both work and make the same income each month. He says I should finance, lease or buy my own car. That he was letting me use his until this happened. If I want to use the car and come and go I should give him half $25,000 lol. I don’t have that I pay the credit card each month and just invested into the kids education and have to do my RSP still this year. I’m not sure taking out a line of credit or leasing or financing a car right now with rates so high would be smart. It would be throwing money away in interest. 

4 hours ago, Els said:

What on earth did I just read....?!??!!?

If this post is real and you're not a "creative writer", best to talk to a domestic abuse hotline, who should be able to put you in touch with a lawyer. You're married, and he's going to be in for a nice shock when the divorce splits the assets down the middle, including his precious car.

We get along pretty good it’s just a disagreement that is absolutely not fair especially since this is an asset that was purchased while married. It should be split. I didn’t help pay for the car but he could have kept the one he traded in and got $32,000 for when he purchased the new CRV. Like I told him at least it happened in the garage and not an accident and we died but if that did happen you’d get all my RSP money and savings. 
 

He likes to save money and max out our RSP for retirement and tax free savings and we max out the kids education fund each year. 
 

My thinking is if I want to not contribute to the RSP or Tax Free as much for 1 year to buy a car that should be fine but he doesn’t agree. He says it’s a tax benefit contributing that’s how I get my refund from the government at tax time. We probably won’t need to live off of our retirement funds much we own our house most of it the kids will get when we die. Why not enjoy life while we are alive with the money we worked for and earned? 

 

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

Umm no, your child can't "make" you do anything.  As the adult you should have gotten out of the car and told him you're not going ANYWHERE until he stops yelling and stops being disrespectful.  Tell him that if he can't be respectful then he can walk to wherever the hell he needs to go.  It's a mistake to let your child walk all over you.  

I should have got out but like I said above…

He wasn’t the one driving and caused the accident but his screaming at me as I was about to go didn’t help. He is currently going for his G2 driver's license and had the tables be turned me yelling at him and the garage door came down on the car beings he his distracted by me yelling my mother-in law and everyone else would be saying it’s my fault for yelling at him. 
 

my husband said if I honestly believe it wouldn’t have happened had I not been distracted by him yelling at me that he should pay half since he works and has no real understanding of money or consequences. 

[Els]

47 minutes ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

We get along pretty good it’s just a disagreement that is absolutely not fair

Let me get this straight.

1. Your husband (not father....) is telling you that you're "not allowed" to drive a car that is under his name and parked in the family garage.
2. He used permission to drive (!!) as ammo to demand sexual favours from you.
3. You actually performed the sexual favour (seriously, why????????).
4. He tells you to "stop acting like I’m entitled and mentioned how I didn’t finish the job in 2 minutes or less."

And you are chalking this down to "just a disagreement"??? Sorry, but people don't magically turn into controlling, misogynistic, rapey a-holes overnight. This is who he is, and you've probably allowed it to go on for 17 years. It would be "just a disagreement" if he sat down with you and talked about how he's worried about you causing anyone to get hurt and that you need to be more careful when you drive, and maybe he said it in a slightly snippish tone. Or if he left his socks out on the floor and you got snippish with him.

I'm not sure what advice you want anyone to give you, if this sort of behaviour from him is something that you consider "just a disagreement". If you really don't want to get a divorce and file for half the assets, I guess the second best (but distinctly worse) option is to just ignore him and drive the car whenever you feel like it, and for the love of god stop letting him blackmail you into sex.

Edited January 20 by Els

[basil67]

3 hours ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

He wasn’t the one driving and caused the accident but his screaming at me as I was about to go didn’t help. He is currently going for his G2 driver's license and had the tables be turned me yelling at him and the garage door came down on the car beings he his distracted by me yelling my mother-in law and everyone else would be saying it’s my fault for yelling at him. 

Short of your son holding you hostage, you had a choice.  And you shouldn't have driven while he was yelling and you were distracted.  This is on you and you're not taking responsibility.

You talk about your son learning to drive. I hope that you teach your son to not drive/pullover when there is an unruly passenger.  And yes, as the supervisor, it would also be your fault if bad behaviour caused an inexperienced driver to crash - so it's not a fair comparison.   A better comparison would be if you were yelling at a licensed driver.  And they too should just turn off the car, take the keys and walk away until you could behave appropriately as a car passenger.

 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, DanicaCailinBlue said:

. We both work and make the same income each month. He says I should finance, lease or buy my own car. 

Why not save up and get your own car?  That's a perfect solution. If your credit is decent you should be able to afford some sort of vehicle.

The less dependent you are on your demeaning husband the greater freedom you'll have. Including driving to an attorney for information support and advice on your situation should you choose to free yourself from this.