Will my ex ever stop sexting and being in a long distance relationship with married man?

[FredEire]

19 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

So you still think she still doesn't know it's a bluff even though I've told her the reason I did it was to make her hate me and said I wasn't planning on being alive for long enough to go through with it anyway?

You scared her, that's the main thing. Why on earth would you make it worse by telling her you were planning to commit suicide?

There's a much easier way which is just to say nothing and leave your relationship in the past where it may at least be a somewhat fond memory and a learning experience.

[FredEire]

19 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

So are you sure she thinks it's over? That's all I want now. 

Most definitely

[HopelessNick]

2 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Why on earth would you make it worse by telling her you were planning to commit suicide?

So that she's know it was a bluff. And kind of to make her not want to take me to court which I think I succeeded in doing?

[HopelessNick]

Also, why doesn't she just say I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you again? Instead of still responding?

[FredEire]

3 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

So that she's know it was a bluff. And kind of to make her not want to take me to court which I think I succeeded in doing?

It's highly advisable not to make up such outlandish stuff about dark matters like this, and not to get into invasions of privacy and blackmail.

I think this is fairly common sense for most people but it seems to be acceptable for you, which is why I think you might have something going on psychologically. You need a psychologist to address this.

[HopelessNick]

You guys say she wants me to leave her alone which I will. 

But why doesn't she just say something like "I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you again" instead of still responding?

Edited July 12, 2024 by HopelessNick

[Gebidozo]

39 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

So are you sure she thinks it's over? That's all I want now. 

Oh yes, I’m sure she thinks it’s over.

[HopelessNick]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Oh yes, I’m sure she thinks it’s over.

So my lie about killing myself worked? Perfect

[Gebidozo]

2 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

So my lie about killing myself worked? Perfect

Dude, get therapy NOW. 

[HopelessNick]

I still don't get why doesn't she just say something like "I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you again" instead of still responding?

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I still don't get why doesn't she just say something like "I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you again" instead of still responding?

She pretty much has.

At this stage I'm not sure if this might be a troll. If it's not you need to listen to her and get some help. There's something quite off in your thought process and it's going to badly effect every relationship you have.

[flitzanu]

2 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

I still don't get why doesn't she just say something like "I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you again" instead of still responding?

because she is probably legitimately and reasonably worried that you might hurt her or murder her if she says something harsh to you.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

I still don't get why doesn't she just say something like "I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you again" instead of still responding?

Because she thinks you are unhinged and will hurt yourself. 

You are scaring her and need to stop before you get yourself arrested for harrassment. 

[HopelessNick]

58 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

because she is probably legitimately and reasonably worried that you might hurt her or murder her if she says something harsh to you.

She knows I'm not physically strong enough to do that  She's much stronger than I am. 

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Because she thinks you are unhinged and will hurt yourself. 

You are scaring her and need to stop before you get yourself arrested for harrassment. 

I literally haven't done anything since I told her she saved my life. 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I literally haven't done anything since I told her she saved my life. 

It doesn't matter. 

You need to never contact her again. 

[HopelessNick]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It doesn't matter. 

You need to never contact her again. 

Well she's the one who does now

[basil67]

@HopelessNick you're embarrassing yourself.  Please get therapy before you make yourself look even more scary/foolish

[HopelessNick]

I don't know if anyone can think of any explanations for this. 

I don't actually miss spending time with her. I don't miss hanging out at her place, watching shows together etc. 

What I do miss though was being there for her whenever she was in tears. So basically when she was hurt or sad, I was able to hug and kiss and make her feel better. That's what I miss so much and makes me cry, especially when I know that her new boyfriend is doing that now. 

I guess I miss making her ok and nothing else. 

Does anyone know what that means? Is that love?

[basil67]

I don’t think it’s love - I think it’s more about feeling needed or valuable 

[Gebidozo]

16 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

I don't know if anyone can think of any explanations for this. 

I don't actually miss spending time with her. I don't miss hanging out at her place, watching shows together etc. 

What I do miss though was being there for her whenever she was in tears. So basically when she was hurt or sad, I was able to hug and kiss and make her feel better. That's what I miss so much and makes me cry, especially when I know that her new boyfriend is doing that now. 

I guess I miss making her ok and nothing else. 

Does anyone know what that means? Is that love?

That’s not love. 

OP, you can’t be in a relationship now. Please seek professional therapy ASAP.

[HopelessNick]

14 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

That’s not love.

Then what is it?

[FredEire]

40 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

Then what is it?

It's a desperate obsession based on a feeling that she could provide needs that you have left unmet from childhood.

Love is more like a strong mutual caring between two individuals who fully care about and appreciate who eachother is, and can connect and share their lives and bodies together in a way that's enriching rather than needing to fill in a lack of something.

[HopelessNick]

Was she codependent too? Or just me

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, HopelessNick said:

Was she codependent too? Or just me

Codependent, it's in the name. Two people who are bad for eachother.

[HopelessNick]

Why do you think she's begging me to get help? I've tried to apologise and told her I was struggling a couple of times. Both times she says something like I almost felt bad for you, but then I remember what you did to me. You deserve to be alone. Then she says "please get help, I'm begging you".

Why would she beg me? She always says im begging you. How does it benefit her? Does it mean she still cares about me?